Baseball Before Bedtime: Ruby, My Dear

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Here's what happened in baseball yesterday when you were rehearsing, always:

Mariners 1, Rays 0: I have no idea if the Mariners are this good or the Rays are this bad or if asparagus really goes well with red lentils but none of that matters when I can take one solid baseball fact to the bank: Felix Hernandez is made of magic. Fella struck out seven Rays hitters in seven scoreless innings and got some help from Ichiro's 28th career leadoff home run. King Felix is striking out more than a batter per inning and, as long as he keeps his homer rate down, he'll fulfill our Cy Young wishes and food pairing dreams.

Reds 7, Cubs 1: It might be too soon to tell, but another one of our predictions is looking purty good: the resurgent Redlegs. The Fightin' Dustys took two of three from the defending NL Central champ Cubbies behind Aaron Harang's seven good innings and Canadian Joey Votto's homer and two dubbles. Jay Bruce picked up a cheap RBI triple in the fourth when Micah Hoffpauir misplayed his pop-up. Oops.

Indians 5, Royals 2: Speaking of oops, can anyone explain the Royals bullpen? They've blown yet another lead, this time thanks to a three-run Grady Sizemore tater tot off Ron Mahay, and the Mexicutioner Joakim Soria once again did not get into the game in a close-and-late situation. With a slim one-run margin in the eighth, Gil Meche put four runners on base and let in an unearned run. Then Trey Hillman brings in Mahay who gives up the farm. Is this simply uncreative managing by Trey, or has Kyle Farnsworth infected the entire pen with SARS (severe acute royals suckitude)?

Blue Jays 5, Rangers 2: Alex Rios' two-run ding-dong helped Toronto continue to beat up on the weaker sisters of the American League. Be it AL Central or AL West, the Blue Jays will strong arm 'em with a combination of timely hitting and a total lack of B.J. Ryan to eff things up late. Scott Richmond picked up the win and Scott Downs notched the save because everyone in Canada is either named Scott, Mark, Bruce, Dave, or Kevin. Girls are named Cathy or Kathy.

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Soria Arbitrarily Requires Savesituation

So 28 of Ichiro's 75 career homers (B-R) have been leadoff. Neat!

Also: Alex. As in Alex Trebek, world's most famous Canadian.

That was also just the 22nd time that a leadoff tot has provided all the offense in a game.

I'm taking this as a personal slag.

These are the Daves I know I know I know
These are the Daves I know

Damn it, Rob! An SCTV reference? Do you have a book on how to smooth talk Canadians?

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