Baseball Before Bedtime: The Best Day of the Year

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Here's what happened in baseball yesterday while you were pretty sure you saw Troy from West Virginia's peas and carrot:

Rangers 9, Indians 1: Reigning Cy Young wiener Cliff Lee got smacked around while frequent whipping boy Kevin Millwood was stellar. Doth this speaketh more of the pitchers' respective characters or more towards the adeptness of the respective lineups? Me thinks the Rangers are made for power while the Indians are made doing well. Hank Blalock smacked a three-run tater tot and Jarrod Saltalamacchia added a dong of his own. Young stud Elvis Andrus had a hit and a run and participated in two double plays. Hey, the Rangers made no errors!

Mets 2, Reds 1: Neither Johan Santana nor Aaron Harang were dominant, but their opposing offenses (apart from Daniel Murphy's solo happy jack) did nothing spectacular and the game ended with a low score. Santana and Harang combined to allow seven walks over ten innings; Johan's seven K's helped his cause. Make that eighteen straight starts for the Mets ace without a loss. Also, the Mets bullpen was nearly flawless: in 3 and 1/3 innings, only J.J. Putz allowed a baserunner and that was with a walk. Frankie said relax and got the save.

Pirates 6, Cardinals 4: Not every team performed well with their new closer. New Cards closer Jason Motte shit the bed in St. Louis, coming on with a two-run lead in the top of the ninth and leaving with a two-run deficit. The Pirates loaded the bases, tied the game, and took the lead on a two-out double by Jack Wilson. Motte's final line: 1 IP, 4 H, 1 HBP, 4 ER, 1 blown save, 50,000 Cardinals fans' hearts broken.

Diamondbacks 9, Rockies 8: We all wanted a pitchers duel between Brandon Webb and Aaron Cook. We all got a tater tot parade and a back-and-forth run-splosion that ended in Arizona's favor. Felipe Lopez and Tony Clark became the first teammates to stroke dongs from both sides of the plate (kinky!) in the same game since Jorge Posada and Bernie Williams. Chad Tracy won it all in the seventh with his own solo tot off former Tigers reliever Jason Grilli. Troy Tulowitzki, Chris Iannetta and Seth Smith hit solo homers for the Rockies to complete the full day of ding-dongs.

Orioles 10, Yankees 5: Small sample size! Slow starts! Someone save Sabathia!

Also, the Jays crushed the Tigers behind Adam Lind's 6 RBI, Ken Griffey's eighth career Opening Day homer led the Mariners to a win over the Twins, and Carlos Zambrano and Hiroki Kuroda pitched well in victorious fashion.

I'd be remiss if I didn't congratulate our commenter The Colonel for winning the Walkoff Walk NCAA Tournament Pick 'Em Pool. I'd also be remiss if I didn't point out that I finished ahead of Kris.

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Flipped on the car radio yesterday and a caller was on Francesa's show screaming about the Yankees awful start and need to make some trades. The game was in the sixth inning. I think it might have been Iracane.

I'm actually a very rational and calm Yankees fan. Still a total dick who hates you and your favorite team, but rational.

It might have been Joe Morgan. Towards the end of the game, he was saying that Tex and CC were failures.

Come back, FJM, a lonely nation needs you now more than ever.

Best line of the day goes to Suzyn Waldman. Although CC Sabathia has had trouble finding his control in the first month of every season he has ever pitched going back to t-ball she attributed yesterdays poor outing to nervousness about wearing a Yankee uniform and the pressure it brings with it.

Don't you love it when The Football Mentality crosses over to other sports? A team loses one game and "THESE GUYS SUCK! BLOW UP THE WHOLE DAMN ROSTER!!!" I like it 'cause it translates to us as "ATTENTION: THIS GUY TAKES THIS SHIT WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU NOW HAVE FULL PERMISSION TO MAKE FUN OF HIM."

I just watched that video. How many kids does Troy from WV have? He has at least one more because he has an older boy with a red cell phone that is a direct line to Joe Beimel's drinking buddy. And if those four in this video aren't his, then that raises more questions.

There aren't a lot of words that can describe how I feel after watching that Troy from WV clip. I assure you, none of those words are synonyms for "comfortable."

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