If You Don't Like Our Site, Please Don't Dump Goat Carcasses In My Yard

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Don't people write letters to the editor anymore? From the Obscure Store and Reading Room comes this harrowing tail (lulz) of reader dissatisfaction at the Hillside Collegian newspaper in Michigan. After the sports department took a few poorly written swipes at the baseball team, the editor woke up to find a bunch of dead animals on his lawn. I didn't know Chipper Jones read that paper!

At about 1:30 a.m. Monday morning senior Nathanael Rea peered through his window at 242 N. West St. He grabbed his glasses.

"I thought they were shoveling snow," Rea said. "But they were using a shovel to carry the small dead animals."

Sunlight revealed a scene Hillsdale police patrolman Randy Casler said he's never witnessed: a slew of dead animals on the porch of 244 N. West St., including one and a half deer, several large rodents and a black goat with alleged gunshot wounds to the head and sternum. Under the goat, perpetrators placed a copy of the April 2 edition of The Collegian sports section. The main headline read "Lost in left field."

Here's the offending column. Sure, it reads more like an entry in a burn book than an actual editorial, but what else do you expect from a guy that can't tell the difference between snow and a deer corpse?

Still, Walkoff Walk would like to voice its disapproval of this gruesome scene. After spending a lot of time around sportswriters this Spring, I have to wonder about the efficacy of doing this. When it comes to most of the sportswriters I don't like, if I backed up my truck and dumped a bunch of carcasses on their lawn, they'd probably just eat them and send me a thank you card. I don't think it would get my point across.


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16 Comments

Don't people write letters to the editor anymore?

People, yes. Athletes....they can write?

Don't people write letters to the editor anymore?

They email their editors. See, emailing is like writing a letter, except it arrives instantaneously and you don't have to use a stamp.

Its awesome!

Matt, from what I can gather from various motivational posters, Internet IS Serious Business.

Microsoft is going to tax our emails $0.10 per word soon unless you sign this petition. Forward this to all your friends.

including one and a half deer, several large rodents and a black goat with alleged gunshot wounds to the head and sternum.

Here's the question: WHERE'S THE OTHER HALF OF THE DEER?

@The Colonel
I am sure is was quartered.

Colonel-
Have you ever had deer jerky? I imagine that's where it went. Its delicious.

You may or may not be joking Matt, but I have had deer jerky and it is delicious.

I'll go install that gun rack in my truck now.

If you really don't like someone, I say just tell em how you feel.

No questions asked, deer jerky is good.

FIRST OF AWL DONT TRY TO PIN THIS ON ME CATSHIRT I GOT WITNESSES AND ALIBYES SO I WONT TAKE THE FALL FOR THIS ONE NOT ME

NEXT OF ALL I DONT MESS WITH NO GOATS THAT IS LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM KIDS I TOOK OUT A GOAT ONCE BUT IT WAS ON ACCIDENT I WAS RIDING QUADS WITH MY COUSIN AT MY KINS FARM AND WE HAD RIFLES OVER OUR SHOULDERS AND MINE DISCHARGED AND HIT ONE OF THEIR GOATS BUT I SWEAR IT WASNT DONE BY ME ON PURPOSE I STILL THINK TO THIS DAY THAT RICKY KICKED UP A ROCK WITH HIS TIRE THAT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN MY GUN GOING OFF I WAS JUST DOING TRICKS ON THE QUAD HOW COULD THAT EVEN HAPPEN

OH AN GOAT JERKY IS AWFUL ANYONE WORTH THEIR TEETH KNOWS THAT

OH AND TO ANSWER THE BIG QUESTION IS I FIRE OFF LOTS OF LETTERS TO THE BIGWIGS ACROSS THE NATION BUT I NEVER SEND EM BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAY YOU SHOULD SLEEP ON IT WHEN YOUR MAD AND THEN WHEN I WAKE THE NEXT MORNING I USUALLY FORGET ABOUT IT BECAUSE LIFE IS SWEET FOR A GUY LIKE ME SO ITS TOUGH TO STAY MAD ABOUT VERY MUCH SO WRITING THE LETTERS IS AN EXERCISE IN CATHARCISM

LOOK IT UP

BREAKING: Best show ever in the history of awesome shows is renewed for a second season:
http://www.broadcastingcable.com/article/195842-HBO_Renews_Eastbound_Down_.php

Season 1 is fucking out
Season 2 is fucking in

I cannot tell you how blessed I feel that CHIPPER is not constrained by that self-imposed cooling-off period when it comes to WoW comments.

CHIPPER has no such qualms about commenting on other nation's cities.

the Hillsdale kids just figured the maid service would remove the carcasses later

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