So last year my "who's gonna get fired" piece was some convoluted schtick about USC and how they like to hire former pro coaches. That was stupid, but I still got 2 out of 3 correct. For this year's edition I'm dispensing with the conceit and just marching straight into the following managers' offices and lighting their desk chairs on fire.
- Cecil Cooper, Astros: You know what's a foolproof way to get your new Herman Miller Aeron turned into a white hot fireball? Get behind the Pirates in the standings. The Astros have scored an astounding 16 runs so far this year. That's 9 less THAN THE GIANTS. They've hit .171 with RISP. And their pitching is not good either. They're allowing 1.75 baserunners per inning. Apart from Oswalt and The Puma, there's no one even on this roster you could see "turning it around." Sorry, Cecil. /strikes match
- Eric Wedge, Indians: So Cleveland should do better this season. we've all agreed on that. But if they don't, and they've looked awful thus far, I think Wedge is in trouble. Their 81-81 record last season belies how much they looked like underachievers. Following an offseason where they made some relatively well publicized moves, another .500 or below season has me charging at both Wedge and GM Mark Shapiro's plush seats with a Bic lighter and can of hair spray.
- Bob Melvin, Snakes: Melvin probably gets a little more leeway because his team is young. No seriously, did you know that? The Diamonbacks are young. I only read it 35 times a day so I can't be totally sure if it's true but I think it may be. Brandon Webb has missed two starts now with a vague shoulder soreness. Davis and Garland have pitched well so far, but are league average pitchers and will be back there soon. If Webb's absence becomes prolonged and the bats don't pick up (27 runs scored, good for 24th in baseball) it's not hard to imagine the Diamondbacks hovering around third place for the season, in one of baseball's worst divisions. That doesn't do much for a manager and justifies the KENNY ROGERS ROAST JOB I'M DOING ON HIS SWIVEL CHAIR. BURN BABY BURN MUAAAHAHAHHAHA!
- Manny Acta, Nationals: Since the Nationals don't even have a GM, just an "acting GM" Acta is probably safe until that position is filled. But this team looks like it may go 0-162. I'm going to take this barrel of fish and shoot it. Then light it on fire.