Opening Day Lineupstravaganza: Royals at White Sox, 2:05

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And finally, the AL Central reveals it's last two teams. Some have complained that all the teams in this division are so similarly mediocre that it's impossible to pick a frontrunner, but uncertainty is exciting right? Spin the wheel, turn the bingo ball holder thing, see what comes out. Bear with me here, I'm trying to pump myself up.

Yes, it's the Tom Gamboa Memorial Classic, and Gil Meche and Mark Buehrle are your first game aces. Coco Crisp and Mike Jacobs make their debut for the Royals. Just imagine the history that comes with putting on that uniform for the first time. GOOSEBUMPS.

Apparently Steve Phillips says some people are picking the Royals to win the division. If you wanna hear us joke about that listen to the podcast.

ROYALSWHITE SOX
Coco Crisp, CFDeWayne Wise, CF
David DeJesus, LFChris Getz, 2B
Mark Teahen, 2BCarlos Quentin, LF
Jose Guillen RFJim Thome, DH
Mike Jacobs, 1BJermaine Dye, RF
Billy Butler, DHPaul Konerko, 1B
Alex Gordon, 3BA.J. Pierzynski, C
Miguel Olivo, CAlexei Ramirez, SS
Mike Aviles, SSJosh Fields, 3B

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46 Comments

I have a complaint. My ticket clearly says "WHITE COCKS HOME OPENER".

We all know the Central is the class of the AL.

Another manifestation of KC's inferiority complex with St. Louis: Mark Teahen is pulling a Skip Schumaker.

THAT'S OUR BIT, KC, LAY OFF!

AL Cental is still waiting for it's first win of the season. There is a good chance it happens in this game.

Why aren't there any nationally televised games today? Only Opening Day is important enough to warrant wall-to-wall coverage on TWWL? Would anyone really object to a 2PM showing of Cocks-Royals? Surely it can't be any worse than that Cleveland shitshow they slapped together yesterday.

At 2PM, ESPN is showing ANOTHER episode of Sportscenter, you know, in case you missed the 7 showings this morning and don't have the internet. ESPN2 is airing The Best of Mike and Mike, which is roughly one hour of Greenberg acting like a preening d-bag and chiding Golic about being a pussy-whipped meathead. Then they're following it up with a Man U tilt, because soccer is all the fucking rage right now. And I guess they can't put the game on ESPN, because aside from bumping Sportscenter XII, we would also miss out on OTL: First Report and Rome('s urine) is Burning.

Sorry for ranting, I filled up on Piss and Vinegar at lunch.

Are you running out of pain meds?

Ozzie Guillen on why his team will be improved this season:

"I got more tools on the field."

No, Ozzie. Jose Guillen plays for the other guys.

I couldn't take my muscle relaxer because it makes me too sleepy to come to work. BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RIDICULOUS CHOICES MADE BY HEARTLESS CORPORATE MONOLITHS! FIST SLAM!

I filled up on Piss and Vinegar at lunch.

Lays is really struggling to come up with new chip flavors.

@Rob

Yeah, it was either those or the Fire and Brimstone Doritos, which I find to be a bit too preachy.

Do you work at a bar?

Gil Meche sends the White Sox down 1-2-3 in the bottom of the first after Mark Buehrle struggled through a scoreless top half. At least Mark didn't get attacked by a T-Rex this year.

Ding-dong, Alex Gordon.

1-0 Royals

@bc
No, working at a bar would mean I'd get to hear less sob stories day in and day out.

ALEX GORDON HYPE TRAIN IS LEAVING THE STATION, ALL ABOARD

CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS

Do you work and a coffe shop?

coffee

@bc: He's actually the Right Reverend Honeynut Ichiros, and this is a big week for the confessional.

I feel like BC and I are playing the worst worst game of "Guess Who?"

I don't wear glasses, and I don't have a beard. I'm not wearing a sweater. My name isn't Peter.

I am just trying to figure out where you would work that would allow you to watch TV and surf the internet and if that place is hiring.

Meche loads the bases full of White Cocks but then draws two pop outs.

Josh Fields RBI single but then Dye gets thrown out at home. 1-1 tie. Two innings done.

It would appear that Steve Stone and actual baseball insight is teamed with Hawk Harrelson's corn-pone in the booth for Chicago TV broadcasts. This significantly decreases (but by no means eliminates) the shittiness of watching Cocks games.

I hope that Darren Jackson has been banished to the Land of Wind and Ghosts.

DID YOU KNOW THAT JOSH FIELDS WAS A QUARTERBACK AT OKLAHOMA STATE?

Well if you were listening to the Royals broadcast team, you'd have heard it thrice already in under one hour.

I work for a media entity, and no, nobody's hiring. Revenue is down, y'all.

I heard a rumor, this is just a rumor mind you, but I heard that one of the Cubs pitching prospects used to be a WR for Notre Dame Football. Don't quote me on this.

DJ is in doing radio with Farmio, which is basically as you described Freetzy

Still 1-1, headed to the fourth.

Oh my goodness gracious, they're walking right into the ovens.

I had one of those once, the problem is I couldn't figure out how to use it because the instructions were printed in German

2-1 Royals on an RBI fielders choice by Alex Gordon.

Honeynut, you're a paperboy?

See, BC's comments are exactly the hilarious remarks I was looking for. Well played with Suzyn Waldmyn, too.

@Chief
It's "Newspaper Delivery Associate," thanks.

When I hear "media entity" I think Ghostwriter.

STill 2-1 Royales after six full innings.

Pierzynski thrown out by DeJesus stretching a single.

End of 7th, 2-1 Royals.

Nobody fucks with DeJesus

Eighth inning, Royals up 2-1...in comes Kyle Farnsworth making his Royals debut.

DeWayne Wise cannot get a bunt down to save his life.

But he can lazily fly out to center with the best of 'em!

Annnnnnd Jim Thome drove a three-run tater into centerfield. Prof Farnsworth blew it. 4-2 Sox.

The Professah!

The ChiCocks took a look at Skip To My Lou to play third this year, but he got voted off after the arena show.

Bobby Jenks in to close now.

Lou Whittaker?