Entire Oakland Athletics Team Shamed By Diminuitive Venezuelan

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The Oakland Athletics have scored an American League low 47 runs through their first four twelve games. True, it's the bottom of the barrel in the AL but at almost 4 runs per game, it's not historically bad nor is the low total a reason to panic. After all, the pitching staff has let in only 50 runs so far, just about average in a league featuring the DH. With those run differentials, cruising to an AL West-leading 82-80 record is well within reach.

But these A's have combined for just three home runs so far, two of them by Three True Outcomes poster boy Jack Cust and one by the artist formerly known as Nomar. This power outage is shocking, considering the big three offensive stars brought in to tune up last year's weak-hitting linuep: Matt Holliday, Jason Giambi, and Orlando Cabrera have combined for zero tater tots so far.

How bad is it for the A's? Well, two light-hitting Blue Jays infielders, Aaron Hill and Marco Scutaro, have four home runs each. Yes, middle infielders for a worsening offense are out-donging the entire A's team. Scutaro is that 33-year-old utilityman who's never hit more than nine homers in a season and possesses a middling .382 slugging percentage for his career. He played for his native Venezuela in the recent WBC, where he probably learned some homer-hitting hints from teammate Miguel Cabrera. (READ: HE LEARNT HOW TO USE SPECIAL VENEZUELAN STEROIDS MYSTICISM)

But anyway, the A's can improve their tater tot totals tonight when they visit Yankee Stadium, where El Nino or something is causing more balls to fly out of the park. Can someone get Willard Scott to interpret that for me?

By the by, this piece was actually written before last night's Furious Five podcast in which Drew brought up the exact concept of Scutaro out-homering the entire A's team. Great minds, they say...


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11 Comments

When, exactly, do we begin to really worry about Kris?

@George, we begin to worry when sales of Garfield shirts begin to decline.

Thanks to this jinx of a post the A's will hit 10 home runs while visiting Yankee Stadium

Constantly, and never.

But seriously, he's back in Boston being awesome.

Ok, good to hear. Thanks.

I am really looking forward to today's post where Rob talks about stadium foods that he would never eat again. I BET THE ANSWER IS A HOT DOG WITH SAUERKRAUT

Wait until the weekend when I post my big reveal: my real name!!!

Marco!!!!1

Scutaro!!!!1

Scoots is unreal. He can be the starting shortstop, and leadoff hitter, on my team any day.

VIVA VENEZUELA.

What is Kris Liakos' real name.

-- What? Really?

Stats Can Make Anything Sound Amazing!: The Rangers have hit 8 times as many home runs as the A's.

Why is the Blue Jays offence considered to be worsening? (I'm assuming you mean relative to last year). Personally I would have suspected Snider would be better than Mench & Wilkerson, and Lind better than Thomas, and 2009 Scott Rolen shoulder better than 2008 Scott Rolen shoulder, and 150 game of Vernon Wells better than 108 games of Vernon Wells. (Not to mention Scutaro over John McDonald!)

Then again, living in Canada, I don't get the insights offered by John Kruk and the rest of the Baseball Tonight crew, so it is entirely possible I missed something.

@Mathesond: The answer is Rob blew it. He will now have to live with the embarrassment of picking the Jays to finish 5th when they will actually finish 4th.

He should lose his press pass.

p.s: plus Hill for a full season (!!!!).

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