Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club: Whiparound Coverage

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Why whiparound coverage? Because there are a few afternoon games going on and none of them have the ability to hold my interest today. So let's do our best to chit-chat about what's going down in Detroit, Kansas City, Chicago, and maybe Oakland and Arizona a little later on. Everybody put away your liveglog blazers and take out your hilarious liveglog beanies instead.

2:05PM: Right now I'm checking out the Tigers and the White Sox, where both teams staged rallies that ended up fruitless. The Tigers had runners on second and third and none out, then scored nothing off Jose Contreras. Now batting for Le Tigre is The Big Tilde...and he flies out.

2:09PM: Did you hear that Daisuke Matsuzaka is kinda sorta hurt and might be officially the first casualty of the WBC? All that springtime competitiveness can really put a strain on your arm, creampuff. Plus the fact that Dice-K regularly threw 350 pitches per game in the NPB. Cabrera reached on an error and Guillen flew out.

2:12PM: Miggy C stole second, which I didn't think was possible given his portly corpulence. Gerald Laird flies out to end the 'threat'.

2:17PM: Speaking of creampuffs, it looks like Xavier Nady might need season-ending surgery on his ouchie elbow. This is why you never trade away outfield depth. Or pitching depth for that matter. Konerko reaches with a hit and Pierzynski follows with a hit of his own.

2:20PM: Sexy Lexy Ramirez grounds out to Cabrera, runners advance. Here's feeble-hitting Brian "Don't Call Me Dewayne Wise" Anderson.

2:26PM: Anderson strikes out swinging and Brent Lillibridge gives up baseball in favor of racing for Krispy Kremes.

2:30PM: In other news, the Royals loaded the bases with one out against the Indians in the first but Aaron Laffey got out of trouble without allowing a run. Cleveland Indians fever...catch it!

2:33PM: Royals starter Sidney Ponson is wearing the #42 on his jersey not in memory and honor of Jackie Robinson, but just as a reminder of how thick his thighs are in inches.

2:37PM: Ponson squeezes his way out of a two men on, none men out situation by inducing a GIDP from Ryan "Free" Garko. Later, he will attempt to eat a whole human head a la the Orioles mascot.

2:40PM: Contreras puts two gentlemen on base but Curtis Granderson nearly bails him out by dropping a wormball. Kid beats out the GIDP and Jose still has runners on first and third with two outs.

2:44PM: So, Dice-K is officially headed to Friday's Creampuff column, not only for his tired shoulder but also due to a late night encounter with a wallaby in the mean streets of Oakland. Meanwhile, Polanco lines a double WAY over a shallow Brian Anderson's head and the Tigers go up 2-0.

2:48PM: Maggagglio flies out and the inning is done in Detroit. Out in the racist confines of Wrigley, the Rockies get their first baserunner off Dick Harden as Ian Stewart draws a one-out walk. Tulo beats out an infield single that he lined off Harden's paw.

2:52PM: Number forty-two is up for the Rockies now. I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS MAN IS. IS IT JACKIE ROBINSON? HE SHORE LOOKS WHITE. Whoever it is, he walked and the Rox have the bases juiced with one out. C'mon future Cy Young winner Dick Harden!

2:55PM: Dick Harden strikes out another number forty-two, bringing up ex-Cub Jason Marquis, who is received with hearty boos. Wait, I don't get it, Wrigley faithful. He's not black!

2:58PM: Jason Marquis lines a single to center that Fukudome cannot handle, two runs cross the plate for Colorado and Chris Iannetta gets thrown out advancing to third. Wackiness, indeed but the Rockies take a 2-0 lead. Marquis is now 3-for-3 with 3 RBI on the season, and is outperforming David Ortiz. Also, Grady Sizemore got an RBI single in KC and the Indians are up 1-0.

2:59PM: And Miggy Cabrera slamma-jamma'ed a solo tater dong to put the Tigers up 3-0 in the sixth.

3:02PM: Two more Tiger baserunners and Jose Contreras has been shown the door in Deeeeetroit. Unfortunately, the door is rusted over and abandoned like the rest of the city, so Contreras will have to sit on the curb outside until the game is over.

3:05PM: Clayton Richard is the new pitcher for the ChiSox. Josh Anderson lays down a bunt and beats out Richard's little lob throw. In other White Cocks bullpen news, Lance Broadway totally came out of the closet! Yeah, it's true, he's a lefthanded pitcher, not a righthander like we've been led to believe for so long. Bases juiced, one down.

3:06PM: Ramon Santiago lines a single down the left field line, scoring Laird and Inge. Tigers lead 5-0 and they are still rallying, y'all.

3:09PM: Richard induces a pop-out and is then pulled from the game. GO JOIN CONTRERAS ON THE CURB, FRENCHIE.

3:13PM: Mike MacDougal, of the Des Moines MacDougals, is the new White Sox pitcher. Perhaps you remember him as the Royals closer in 2003 and one-time KC representative to the All Star game. Or perhaps you remember the time back at Des Moines Central High when MacDougal fired a snot rocket out his left nostril that landed above the cafeteria door. Either way, he got the ChiSox outta the jam.

3:16PM: Seth Smith takes Harden deep to put the Rox up 3-0. Todd Helton doubles and scores on a Garrett Atkins single and now it's 4-0 Rockies. Harden walks Stewart. This is all going deep into the crapper, Cubbies fans.

3:19PM: Anyone ever poach scallops in olive oil? Me neither. In related news, seven of the eight outs that Harden has gotten today have been by strikeout. Va va va voom! His latest victim was Troy Tulowitzki, who is also delicious poached in olive oil.

3:20PM: With the strikeouts come the walks. Harden walks Ianetta to bloat the bases. But then he K's Barmes to end the inning and he's notched eight strikeouts overall after just three innings of work.

3:25PM: On Saturday July 18, Rascal Flatts is playing Wrigley Field with special guests Vince Gill and Darius Rucker. Wait, do the Tribune Co. folks know that Rucker is black? You couldn't tell from his music, but yeah, Milton Bradley says "watch out".

3:30PM: Back to the D, where it is so cold. Tigers still up 5-0, and they've got The Big Tilde on second after a walk and a wild pitch with none out. BRING IN LANCE BROADWAY, OZZIE!

3:31PM: Miggy Cabrera laces a single up the middle and Magglio chug-a-lugs his way around third to score. Tigers 6-0.

3:32PM: Carlos Guillen continues his hitless day by GIDP'ing. He appears to have a bit of a gimp in his step.

3:33PM: Gerald Laird just laced a ball to right that would have been an easy double had Jermaine Dye not displayed some sick leather and snagged it while running face-first into the wall. That's what they call a WEB GEM.

3:35PM: Hafner doubles, Choo singles, and Ryan Garko picks up the ribbie with a single off Ponson. Indians take a 2-0 lead in the sixth. Francisco pops up.

3:37PM: Hey Indians, this is how I know you stink. You pay Tony Graffanino to play baseball.

3:40PM: Ponson retires Tony G. and we're underway out in Oakland. HYOOGE start for Wakefield, as the entire Red Sox organization is on a steep decline into nightmare territory. Panic! Someone named Brett Anderson is pitching for the A's, but they're not panicking because they never expected much. Anderson gets two groundouts then strikes out Big Papi to end the top of the first.

3:45PM: Back to Detroit, where Brent Lillibridge reached on a walk with two outs and then scampered down to third on two wild pitches by Ryan Perry. Perry strikes out Josh Fields and the game remains 6-0 headed for the bottom of the eighth, y'all. Commenter Jerkwheat says that there is jawing happening after Perry went up-and-in to Fields but no brawl...yet.

3:49PM: In Kansas City, the Royals put a digit in the run column after Coco Crisp walked, Willie Bloomquist singled, both runners advanced on Choo's bad throw, and David DeJesus laid down the sac bunt to drive Crisp in. Indians still up 2-1.

3:52PM: Starter Aaron Laffey gets the hook and Cleveland brings in the imaginatively-named sidearmer Joe Smith. He'll face...number forty two....arrggggggghhhh! Back in Oakland, the Red Sox take a 2-0 lead on a two-run Mike Lowell happy jack.

3:54PM: Out to Arizona where the announcers are idly chit-chatting about Sanford & Son because the D-Backs need to salvage the homestand with a win over the Cards today. Groan. 0-0 in the second. Call the game you doofuses and leave the pop culture references to the livegloggers.

4:00PM: Micah Hoffpower picks up the RBI for the Cubbies and they're down just 4-1 now. The Royals have loaded the bases against Jensen Lewis. The Tigers have tacked on a couple of runs to take a 9-0 lead in the eighth, and the Cardinals went up 1-0 on a Yadier Molina RBI single. What a perfect time to end the liveglog! Thanks for joining us today, y'all.


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38 Comments

If you listen closely enough to WGN, I think you can hear Hawk Harrelson's nose whistling.

Harden strikes out the side in the 1st. I fully expect him to somehow break all of his fingers on his pitching hand in the 2nd.

I would say miss u lil bridge, but I don't.

so, trading infield depth is still acceptable?

ORILOL IS NOMING YOUR FACE OFF

Sidney Ponson is Dutch.

Why whiparound coverage?

Because your ex finally lifted the restraining order?

Why whiparound coverage?

Because you just got that new trench coat?

Japanese cream puffs are called "shu cream", sez a quick tour of the interwebs.

Why whiparound coverage?

Because you're in a hail storm and you don't want it to get dented?

Why whiparound coverage?

You just moved to fabulous Des Moines and you were saving yourself for your wedding night.

Why Sportscreme?

Because it works.

Why ask why?

Try Bud Dry.

Why whiparound coverage?

Because no one man's dick is a whisk unto itself?

Why me! Why anybody!

Because I really want the gold at Lillehammer.

WiFi?

Because Pinto needs his Fribble.

As long as this whiparound coverage doesn't turn into whip it out coverage, I'm good.

Too late!

That fat man can rake.

Why whiparound coverage

Because she keeps asking if it's in yet?

you say whip it, whip it good.

Why whiparound coverage?!

Because it hides the rash.

Why Hoveround coverage?
Because I get around. Hoveround. Hoveround. Hoveround.

Clayton Richard (if pronounced REE-shard) might be the most Zydeco artist-sounding name ever.

WHY WHIPAROUND COVERAGE?

BECAUSE IT"S WALKS AND HITS PER INNING PITCHED (NOTE TO WOWZERS.......I JUST FINISHED MONKEYBALL!)

Why slip-on-ground coverage?

Blame the trial bar.

heh heh - whiparound.

Orioles mascot trying to eat people's heads off? Fin is not impressed.

OM NOM NOM

Seth Smith is really difficult to say repeadtedly.

Rob, yes on the scallops and olive oil poaching. Good/great, but does not provide the value-add that it does with some other seafood, like swordfish.

Chipper is going to be pissed they aren't playing the Cubs that day.

Why whiparound coverage?

So you have something to hide your BA-K-47 in?

It's not Brett Anderson, it's Boobie Anderson.

Anyone else find it odd that the start time for the NYY-TB game is 4:08?

THEY SHOULD WAIT 12 MINUTES. 420 BOMB

@HI, 4/20 in honor of April 20th, Hitler's birthday?

/just kidding, 4:20 y'all, smoke'em if you got'em

4+8=12, 12/4=3, 3 outs an inning. 9 Innings*162=1458, Difference between 1458 and 1608=80, ten guys average 80 RBI's=800 and that's the way to the World Series.

It's Maddons new philosophy.

@ms
That would be tough to fit on a shirt

@BC
Not for Prince Fielder.

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