Wednesday Liveglog With Sooze: Weeeeeeeeeee!

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MrMet-768288_223183726_std.gifHey WoWers! Man, I missed you guys. It's been six months since I last liveglogged for you, which was during last year's World Series I do believe. I can't remember what I did yesterday though, so don't quote me on that one.

Today's game features New York Mets' ace Johan Santana, who I'm still just a little bit salty towards after he totally abandoned my Twins for the big bucks, facing Josh Johnson and the Florida Marlins, who were super awesome to start the season (11-1) and then went on a 7-game losing streak of suckiness, hurling me from their bandwagon like a limp shrimp. They did, however, beat the Mets 7-4 yesterday.

Game time: T-minus right now. Yay!
12:13: I missed Emilio's at bat, but managed to log in to the fabulous in time to see Cameron Maybin's triple. Man, that kid runs like he's being chased by a rabid dog.

12:14: Helms moves Maybin home on a sac fly and the Fish take an early 1-0 lead. Is there still room on this bandwagon?


12:16: Stop it RIGHT NOW Jorge Cantu! Bomb #6 on the season, 2-0 Marlins.

12:17: Jeremy Hermida ends the excitement promptly by popping out to short. Get ready for Joshua Johnson, who doesn't lose against the Metties.

12:20: Jose Reyes says Oh yeah, Maybin? and runs down a triple of his own. Man, that guy knows how to lead off. Fun fact: The Mets have tripled in 10 straight games.

12:21: Ooh! Safety squeeze by Alex Cora! That always makes for good times. Tying run at first, as Beltran takes some balls from Johnson.

12:24: Beltran belts one into the corner near Hermida, 2 out with NY dreamsicle David Wright at the plate. It sounds like an Elvis concert in the stands right now... I think I just saw a girl faint.

12:28: Murphy steals second, but Johnson gets his first strikeout to end the inning. Marlins 2, Mets 1.

12:31: Santana takes the hill and I feel some strikeouts coming on.

12:32: Paulino grounds out, one away and Cody Ross is up. He'll strike out for sure.

12:32: Ross goes down swinging, Johan fans #2.

12:35: I LOVE Alfredo Amezaga's name. It makes me hungry... or angry. Maybe both. He grounds out to end the inning, back to J.J. with Ryan Church at the plate.

12:38: Church flies out, Fernando Tatis is up next.

12:40: Tatis singles to right, giving Cody a workout. Castro's on deck.

12:42: Castro singles to move Tatis to second with Johan on deck. Time to bunt, buddy!

12:43: He's gotten pretty good at that. Santana moves the runners over and we're back to the top of the order.


12:45: Amezaga really did make me hungry... PBR it is.

12:46: Mets leave two on after Reyes grounds out to end the inning. Marlins 2, Mets 1.

12:50: Johan strikes out Marlin #3: J.J. Let's please come up with a better nickname for that guy.

12:51: Ladies, please stop screaming. Emilio is all mine.

12:52: Bon-Bon singles to right. Rawr.

12:53: Maybin strikes out? Yes. Numero quatro for Johan.

12:55: Wes Helms' turn! Leave my Central Standard Timezone alone.

12:55 1/2: P.S. Hipster?! I know you weren't referring to my ice cold can of PBR. I've been rocking that beverage since the tender age of 12.

12:57: Helms strikes out to end the inning. This is as good a time as any for a video.

1:00: Not only does Helms suck at the plate today, he also sucks at fielding baseballs. Cora takes first base.

1:01: Daniel Murphy pops out before Beltran nails a line drive to center, moving Cora to third. Way to go, Helms.

1:02: Gorge, I still love you with all my heart. How do you tell the difference between the hipsters and the normal folk out in Portland?

1:04: Helms is forgiven after initiating a double play when Wright hits one right to him. Marlins 2, Mets 1. Still.

1:08: Jorge! Cantu walks to lead off the fourth. You know what they say about leadoff walks...

1:09: Hermida is now 0-for-2. Seems like it's about time for a strikeout, Johan. And really, Paulino is the guy for the job.

1:12: False alarm. Paulino heads to second after we finally hear "through the wickets". I will now use my jinxing powers for good only.

1:13: Cody (I just want to punch him in the face for being named Cody... I'm sorry) strikes out.

1:16: Johan intentionally walks Alfredo (yum) to get to J.J., who pops out to Murphy to end the circus. Marlins 2, Mets 1.

1:18: Mets right fielder Ryan Church grounds out to kick off the bottom of the inning. Sheff would be proud.

1:20: Tatis stays hot with a single to left.

1:20: Fernando steals second!

1:23: Castro singles the speedy Tatis home and it's a tie game. If it stays tied for the next 5 innings, I'm gonna need one of you to run to the liquor store.

1:25: Santana is not only a strikeout machine, but also a bunt machine. Nice work getting Castro to second.

1:28: Jose Reyes walks, putting two on and two out for Cora, who immediately strikes out. Fanning #2 for J.J. as we head to the fifth inning with a tie ballgame! Marlins 2, Mets 2.

1:31: Bon-Bon attempts a bunt and fails miserably due to an awesome play by Cora. One out, future Rookie of the Year Maybin at the plate.

1:33: Maybin flies out and it's up to super hero Jorge! Cantu! to keep the inning alive.

1:34: Cantu! pops out to Reyes and we head to the bottom of the fifth at record speed.

1:36: More action from J.J. as Murphy lines out to give way to Beltran.

1:37: Beltran grounds out to short and the ladies in the stands are going nuts again. Yes sirs, it's David Wright's turn.

1:40: Let's all say "anxiety" in unison.

1:41: Wright singles like a total jerk. Re: photo below. It's not going to make a darn bit of difference though, since Church is going to find a way to screw it up somehow.

the tooliest of all tools.jpg

1:44: Chuch ends the inning on cue with a fly-out to left. Time for more Johan. Marlins 2, Mets 2.

1:47: Hermida doubles on a line drive to right to start things off in the sixth.

1:48: Johan collects strikeout #6 on the day courtesy of Paulino. If he's anything like my Uncle Ronnie, he's pissed beyond belief right about now. And handsy.

1:50: The guy with the douchiest name ever is up... oh, and a pop out. High fives all around for Cody!

1:52: Amezaga gets walked on purpose to get to the sweet-swinging J.J. as the opposing managers exchange longing glaces and hat-tips.

1:55: Number seven for Santana. Geez, I miss him. That wraps up the sixth inning with a score of 2-2.

scarytatis.jpg 1:57: Fernando Tatis makes Johan a slap-stick happy guy with a bomb (his first of the year) and continues to enjoy his 3-for-3 day. The best part of all? The unathletic man in the stands let it slip right through his hands. Nice beard, though.

1:59: I really can't believe there's any talk of a replay, since it was clearly a homer, but whatever. This gives me time to get another cold one.

2:02: The first video review at the spankin' new Citi Field proves meaningless as the home run call stands. Pretty sure they just wanted to play with their new toy.

2:03: Castro whiffs for J.J.'s third strikeout of the day. Santana will bat for himself next with one out. You guys are making me thirsty.

2:05: Johan grounds out like lots of pitchers do, before Reyes lines out to left and ends the "controversial" inning. Marlins 2, Mets 3.

2:07: Bon-Bon leads off the seventh with a dribbler to third, one out.

2:10: Cameron Maybin is not looking very Rookie-of-the-Year-ish so far this season, and he lays down an awful bunt straight to Johan for the second out.

2:13: Wes Helms grounds out. Well done, sir.

2:14: Time for the seventh inning stretch, which includes my favorite song of all time. Here is a video of Bud Bundy singing Take Me Out to the Ball Game at a Mets/Braves game last season.

2:16: After 102 pitches from J.J. today, Pinto takes the hill for the Fish to face Cora.

2:17: Wet gym sock is the only thing that comes to mind when Heineken is in my mouth. Which is never, ew.

2:19: Daniel Murphy gets the job done on a bunt (lots of bunting today, hey?) and moves Cora to second.

2:21: Beltran grounds out, but gets Cora into scoring position for David Studmuffin Wright.

H21.jpg2:38: Ummm.... apparently the internet doesn't take too kindly to having 15 tabs open at one time. It blew up. The good news? I have no idea what went on during the top of the eighth. Did Cantu! do anything awesome?

2:40: Nunez repaces Pinto, I'm sure he'll do a swell job.

2:43: Tatis grounds out to end his perfect day of perfection before Castro pops out to second. Two gone, Jeremy Reed's turn to bat.

2:45: And Jeremy Reed triples!

2:46: Nunez walks Reyes and we get to enjoy a little coaching visit to the hill.

2:49: Alex Cora could've stayed patient to load em up for Sheff, but he grounds out instead to end the eighth.

2:53: I've snuck a beer into Sooze Stadium. Be prepared for the worst. At some point in time -- yes, the top of the eighth that I totally missed -- Cody Ross drove in not one, but two runs.

3:00: Longest. At bat. Ever. By Bon-Bon. <3

3:01: And a double by Bonifacio! Weeeee! Maybin is up, he's 1-4 with a triple and a run scored back in the first inning.

3:02: Make that 1-for-5.

3:04: Maybin grounds out before Helms pops out (again) to end the top of the inning. Time for the bottom of the ninth, where the newest member of the 500 Home Run Club and Orneriest A-Hole of All-Time will go to bat against Matt Lindstrom.

3:07: Sheff walks to start the rally.

3:10: Lindstrom gets ahead in the count on Beltran while Cantu! holds Gary down at first.

3:12: Uh-oh! Beltran walks to put two on and nobody out and Muffinpants is up to bat.

3:15: David Wright totally blows it and goes down looking. One out, two on, Ryan Church is 0-for-4 and 1-for-10 in the series. Not looking good for the Metties.

3:17: Church grounds one up the first baseline, moving Sheff and Beltran into scoring position on the sacrifice. A base hit is all they need to win it. Will Tatis be the savior?

3:18: Lindstrom does the last thing on earth he want to: he hits Tatis with a curveball.

3:19: Would we be so lucky to see a walked-in run by Omir Santos? Cross your shrimps.

3:21: Nope. The Marlins take 2 out of 3 after Santos (happy birthday, buddy) pops up to end the game. Final score: Marlins 4, Mets 3. Awwwww WoWers. I love you, you're the best. Thanks for your patience during my technical difficulties. It's been real, see ya next time.

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Flushing faithful foist fearful function on Fsantana.

Our first 2009 liveglog featuring Sooze AND sassy senior Jorge Cantu! Woo woo!

Citi Field, home of the triples.

This triples-at-Citi thing is incredible.

That's what you get when one purposely includes wacky outfield walls in stadia design.


The safety squeeze is a useful trick for those who overindulge at the Shake Shack.

Th wasn't a girl you saw. That was me!

As are obstructed views and $13 po' boys.

I think I just saw a girl faint.
So Rob didn't liveglog this one because he's at the game? Now it makes sense.

Josh Johnson needs a nickname, his name is too bland for being a good pitcher.

Dollars to donuts, the Marlins call him J.J. and think it's clever.

Sooze's central daylight timestamps are messing with my feeble mind. But that's okay.

His nickname should be "Big"

/dusts off Big Johnson t-shirt

"Sooze's central daylight timestamps"

fucking mid-West bias

Fun fact: Cody Ross is one of only three major leaguers of all time named "Cody."

/not actually fun

Hipster Alert!

Colonel, you're right it's not fun considering one of the other Codys is Cody Ransom.


The third one, McKay, used 'roids AND nepotism to make the majors.

I've already suggested Josh Big Johnson, maybe Jo Jo or J-John

Colonel, I did not know that

Just found out the reason there are so many cotdamn kids in the park today is that it's "Weather Education Day" at CitiField.

Not sure what exactly you can learn about weather in smoggy Queens with planes flying overhead, but whatever.

I bought one of those ten gallon drums of David sunflower seeds last weekend. Monday: killer idea. Tuesday: still fun! Wednesday: crippling addiction. By Friday, the excess salt will push my sysstolic north of 200.

Kids are invited to Citi Field next week for Sinkhole De Mayo.

sysstolic: Yup, I'm a snake.

Apologies, Sooze. Living in Portland has blinded me to the possibility that people actually drink PBR for something other than making post-postmodern, shab-ironic, proto-hipster statements.

In Philly, we drink it because we're poor.

I suggest Hamm's. All the great taste of PBR without the hipster stigma.

Completely off-topic threadjack but I'm allowed to because I pay hosting fees at this here website: there are allegedly plantain chips for sale at Yankee Stadium.

Any other brands of beer considered hipster? Not that I care, as a fat father of 2 I would never be confused for a hipster no matter what kind of beer I was drinking.

Andruw is going to be psyched when the Rangers play in the Bronx

UU, Michelob light is a hipster up-and-comer. Drinking such gets people riled up here, because Portland makes more outstanding beers than any city in the world, including any place in Germany or Belgium you can think of. That only serves to motivate their hister impulses even more, I think.

I have a beer called "Moo Thunder" in the fridge. Is that hipster for you or...?

UU: Based on your self-description, have you tried Fat Tire?

Sooze, hipster/"normal" people differentiation in Portland is utterly complex, since hipsterism is so prevalent and so enmeshed here, at least in the central city. Hipsters have a tendency to rock the following, among many other things:

Wallet chains
Unicycles (I'm not kidding)
Jaunty hats
Thrift store coats
Skinny jeans
Blocky shoes
Ballet slippers
Food Fight! veggie co-op button
Tattered, cotton messenger bag

If you see someone wearing three or more of the above, he/she is probably a Portland hipster.

check out the fourth picture

phillas -
Fat Tire is coming to Georgia (finally) in 12 days. Yes I know exactly how many days it is.

Its that good. Between that and finally getting Yeungling its been a good year for Georgia beer drinking. Except for that pesky, you cant buy booze on Sunday thing

That guy's a massive hipster. I forgot to list thick-framed eyeglasses and legwarmers above. Legwarmers are compulsory attire for hipster girls here.

Atari T-shirt Pale Ale is pretty good.

phillas, yes I have tried Fat Tire Ale. Don't think they distribute to upstate NY. Drank it while in Nevada last year.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Nevermind, its a number too obscure, you've probably never heard of it

I'm sensing Sooze's displeasure with all thing Mets.

Yuengling is so effing overrated. Having had access to it my whole drinking life, I can honestly say it's the only that I will not drink. It tastes like it's gone bad when it's fresh and local, so I imagine that it takes on a "wet dog" nose with a "burning hair" finish by the time it makes it to you in GA, Matt.

If you like Belgian style beer and baseball head to Cooperstown and try Ommegang.

I like it because it comes in cans, so I can drink something other than one of the big 3's beers when I'm tailgating, or at the pool (no glass y'all, might cut yer foot)

Matt- what about Heineken Light? It comes in those silly Red Bull cans, but is still good.

I had a Porkslap Pale Ale at a gig about a week and a half ago. Pretty good stuff, I must say.

Honeynut - I h8 heineken with a passion. I think it tastes like a wet gym sock

but UU is right on about Ommegang, their beers are fantastic.


Try Moose Drool Brown Ale. Seriously.

Does anyone care if Santana is on my WoW fantasy team?

matt-T, I do because he is on one of my teams and Johnson is on another. however, neither one is one Take the 4 Train

The more I look at that pic of Wright, the more I want to choke him.

Matt- I dislike Heineken as well, but Heineken Light is a totally different animal. More crisp, less athlete's foot.


Nope. Sorry. But thanks for playing.

Did you fellas know there's actually a Heineken Dark out there? I've had it before... and surprisingly didn't hate it.

I hope they are reviewing it and overturning it. Muck the Fets. SEE?

How long does it take for Sooze to get a beer?

btw, B. Giles is 0-1 today

The twins have the best version of take me out to the ballgame. Why? Because The Hold Steady recorded it for them.

Twins Twins Twins Twins

And what, pray tell, is wrong with the Twins?

...besides the fact that they aren't playing in this liveglogged game, I mean.

The Marlins and Nats are tied for most strikeouts by a team in the league. J.J. Putz better take advantage of this fact, but he won't, because his last name is Putz.

Back-to-back walks, JJ? SURE! That works!

The live glog would be more fun if there was a Mets fan here pulling their hair out.

Sac bunt Ronnie Paulino, runners on second and third, one out.

Base hit Hermida, Marlins go up 4-3. See ya later, Santana's win.

J.J. Putz: Arm of Aaron Heilman. Attitude of William Wagner.

The LOLMets strike again

J.J. Putz: Arm of Aaron Heilman. Attitude of William Wagner, chin beard of a douche.

Sooze, I think you've had enough beer for one day.

another triple at Citi Field

The Ballpark of Sooze has now stopped serving beverages for the day.

Woo, bottom of the ninth action!

Just a reminder that JJ Putz is one of the idiots who blamed the M's epically awful 2008 on Ichiro's "selfishness".

When my brother and I were but tykes, we were compulsive combatants in Nintendo Baseball. At this point in every game, the disclaimer, "Bottom of the Ninth: When Men Are Made", was announced by one or both of us.

Citi Field, where men are men and po'boys are for rich folks.

...and where David Wright bears the burden of an entire choke-worthy team.

come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn choke choke choke

Santos L. Halper is up now.

Somebody tell the shrimp to get loose!

That sucks, I was hoping for some shrimp

"Would we be so lucky to see a walkoff walk by Omir Santos? Cross your shrimps."

that would be tough considering the score is 4-3. Again, someone take Sooze's beer from her.

Thanks, Sooze! That was great. Especially the part, you know, where you did the entire game and kept it fun.

"that would be tough considering the score is 4-3. Again, someone take Sooze's beer from her."

I was thinking walkoff run but typed walkoff walk... either would've been deightful. Thanks for having me guys! I look forward to continuing to beat all of your adorable asses in the WoW fantasy league this season.

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