What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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newstretcher.JPGDid you know it takes over one week to install a new DC IN on a laptop? Me either until this week! So I'm traveling, unfortunately without my computer. Creampuff is being brought to you this week from an internet "cafe" in New York where I just literally fed bills into the CPU like it was a vending machine. And there's no coffee anywhere. Good times. Stupid Creampuff'd laptops.

  • Yuniel Escobar, Braves: Escobar injured himself in the on deck circle by jumping up and down. And once again, another athlete is cut short in his prime by having ants in his pants. Tragic.

  • Melvin Mora, Alfredo Simon, Orioles: Mora hurt his hamstring and is out for about two weeks. The rookie, Simon could be out much longer with "degenerative issues" in his shoulder. Very vague, but I'm going to guess his elbow got caught up in either gambling, prostitution or reading With Leather. Zing!

  • Daisuke Matsuzaka, Jed Lowrie, Red Sox: Matsuzaka has arm fatigue which is very problematic for me on two levels. One, he's a starter for my favorite team and two, now Rob gets to squawk about hopw bad the WBC is for pitchers. Blech. Lowrie has had wrist problems but will not need surgery, however doctors did need to use the jaws of life to remove his Livestrong bracelet.

  • Milton Bradley, Cubs: Milton has been unable to start thus far while nursing a groin injury, but he pinch hit last night. And was promptly ejected for arguing balls and strikes. Milton Bradley. A hero to frail hotheads across America, and one of my favorite players.

  • DeWayne Wise, White Sox: Across town, the DeWayne Wise leadoff experiment is probably over for now as he was put on the deel with a separated shoudler. He'll be gone almost two months. Bad news for him and for our t-shirt makers.

  • Kaz Matsui, Brian Moehler, Astros: Matsui was kept out of the lineup this week with a stiff back. But everyone say it with me now, "at least it wasn't an anal fissure like last year!" Moehler has a Grade 1 MCL sprain and won't be able to chip away at his 27.00 ERA anytime soon

  • Alex Gordon, Royals: Hey remember last week when Alex Gordon had "finally arrived" as an impact player? Well his hip couldn't handle all that success and he's having surgery to repair some torn cartlage. Cartilage of the future!

  • Matt Stairs, Phillies: Raped by a wallaby.

  • Vlad Guerrero, Angels: This quote is taken from the ESPN.com injuries page:

    "After the game [Wednesday], the chest muscle near the shoulder was bothering me more than the previous game," Guerrero said. "I did a little self-examination and thought it was more swollen than before. The trainers have me going back to L.A. to have it checked."

    I can't be the only one that read that and decided he's going back to LA to have a mammogram, right?

  • Xavier Nady, Yankees: Nady is on the deel with elbow problems but is having more tests done in the hopes avoiding surgery. I did the same thing once when I got stabbed. I went for a second opinion and the doctor was like, "Yeah dude, you definitely got stabbed." Turned out to be more of a waste of time and co-payments than anything else. Just have the surgery, X-Man.

  • Kenji Jojima, Mariners: The M's backstop injured his hammy and landed on the DL. Perfect opening for Jeff Clement, right? Nope. Dude is hitting .053 in AAA and the team actually has him fielding grounders at first. That can't be a good sign from a once can't miss sounding prospect. 37 year old Jamie Burke is your new Seattle catcher.

  • Chris Carpenter, Cardinals: Well that was a fun comeback, huh? Carpenter made two starts then tore an oblique muscle. For a Cardinals fan this has to be the equivalent of getting one of those really elaborate slot car tracks when you were a kid. You know, the ones that worked once and then never again.

  • Jesse Litsch, Blue Jays: According to the AP Jesse Litsch "broke the #1 rule of pitching. Trying to pitch through arm pain." This landed him on the DL with forearm pain. I always thought the #1 rule of pitching was "Don't turn around and throw a tomato into centerfield." Because, 1. the batter is in the other direction and B. a tomato is not a baseball.

(UPDATE: I'm pretty sure the old lady behind the counter here just got rickroll'd and let the whole song play. There was no music before or after.)

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16 Comments

Kris, fuck that place and find a Friendly's to blog from. Although finding a Friendly's in NYC might prove difficult.

WELL I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT CLEARLY I TOLD YOU ALL THAT THESE GUYS JUST WONT QUIT THEY HAVE THE EYE FOR THE FIRE JUST LIKE I DO YOU KNOW THAT I CAN SPOT IT FROM A MILE AWAY. I KNEW IT WAS JUST SOMETHING FANCY LIKE COMPUTER PROBLEMS THATS WHY I JUST CHUCK MY LAPTOPS AFTER A FEW USES BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH IT BESIDES APPLE JUST SENDS ME NEW ONES LOADED UP WITH ALL OF MY FAVORITE TUNES

I HAVE TO BE HONEST WHEN I MADE FUN OF YOU FOR BEING HALF-GUYS I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T UP AND QUIT LIKE THE MOTOR ON A '73 CAT BUT IF YOU DID OH WELL THIS IS THE GAME WE PLAY AT FIRST WHEN THE GUYS SAID IT WAS OVER I THOUGHT I HOPE ITS NOT ALL MY FAULT FOR CHOPPING THEIR STONES BUT THEN I THOUGHT NAH CANT BE IF ANYTHING I HAVE BEEN A GUIDING LITE FOR THESE GUYS THROUGH THICK AND THIN

Rob Iracane, Walkoff Walk editorial staff: acute sunstroke. If you're headed out to the ballpark this weekend, wear a hat and some sunblock, y'all.

Rob, acute sunstroke in April? What kind of Italian are you?

(UPDATE: I'm pretty sure the old lady behind the counter here just got rickroll'd and let the whole song play. There was no music before or after.)

Well, the opening lyrics to the remake of Pearl Jam's "Elderly Woman" have now been written. Fill in the blanks, Good Charlotte.

This just in: Rob Iracane is a 75 year-old man.

Rob, the sun was barely out yesterday. I think it was a combination of the heat from CC's mouth breath and the sparks from the Indians making all that contact in the 7th.

It was the reflection from the granite countertops and stainless steel fixtures at the NEW Yankee stadium that burnt Rob's epidermis.

Yanks-Tribe live glog?

As much as I hate to think about what it would look like, this is probably Darren's best chance to seize control of this blog.

Iracane got scalped!

Anyone have a score on the Indians-Yankee game?

suck it Wahoo.

So Rob got a sunburn on his fingertips and therefore cannot type us some new shit?

Kris, I appreciate your fine efforts in producing a great "Creampuff" read for us under adverse conditions. YOU ARE CLOONEY!

I wonder, if I order lunch now will it get her by 10 to 2?

you're killing me Wahoo. You won't be laughing when Pavano pitches on Sunday.