White Sox 6, Tigers 0: Mark Buehrle finally got enough distance between himself and the T-Rex to pitch eight innings of one-hit ball. Fella even had a bit of a perfect game going for six innings until Placido Polanco broke it up with a seventh inning double. A.J. Pierzynski and Jayson Nix bopped tater tots for the ChiSox.
Reds 6, Brewers 5: Playing without team-leading hitter Joey Votto, Reds pitcher Micah Owings did his best to play the role of hitter and pitcher, earning a win and knocking a tie-breaking triple. Votto and some other dudes are out with the flu. No confirmation from John Fay but I totally think it's the swine flu, which they caught from their clubhouse towel boy Marco who just went on a gay cruise to Puerto Vallarta.
Indians 3, Red Sox 1: Oh wait, the Red Sox scored twelve runs in the sixth inning, tying a modern major league record. So the Sox won 13-3 in front of my friend Derik, seated in the Green Monster seats and my friend Jaime, chilling in the State Street Paviliion. My friends like to party all the time. Kevin Youkilis sat out his third straight game, earning me zero more points in that stupid Player Pick Pool I never should have entered. Pfft.
Mets 7, Phillies 5: Old man Jamie Moyer gave up three huge Met homers and seven fat runs in just over two innings. He really put his team in a hole they couldn't claw their way out of. Ryan Howard tried, he hit a ding-dong with two ribs. Jayson Werth tried, he went 4-for-4 with a dong. But in the end, Francisco Rodriguez shut down the Phils for his second straight save and sent Charlie Manuel et al on their way back down I-95 with a goodie bag full of sadness.