In Memoriam: Teams That Are Dead This Memorial Day

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Like I said last year, Memorial Day is a time for reflection. A time for deep thought about what else you can possibly put Montreal steak seasoning on, about how much you hate winter and whether or not it's hypocritical to be celebrating today off when you forgot that we're currently in two wars. So here I am again trying to simpify things for you. In fact, if you're a fan of one of the following teams you can stop paying attention to baseball altogether because you're not seeing any playoffs. Bank on it. Go use that brain power for something useful.

  • Washington Nationals: I'm really going out on a limb with this one, but the team that has a winning pct of almost 100 points lower than any other in baseball deserves not only to be on this list, but they deserve to be at the top. I'd like to see you give up 244 runs through this point in the season. Not even the Orioles or Indians can do that! First in war, first in peace and last in the National League. Your Nationals, everybody.

  • Pittsburgh Pirates: The Pirates are bogged down near the bottom of the standings in runs scored, with 192 total and only 91 scored in May. Their .395 team SLG also resides in the bottom 3rd. Excellent team fielding has kept their mediocre staff from being laughed off the mound, but won't be nearly enough to bring the Pirates a winning season before the next Ice Age.

  • Houston Astros: The Astros are terrible and if Cecil Cooper doesn't get fired soon we'll all know Drayton McLane doesn't even care anymore. They're dragging around a 4.72 team ERA and over the weekend talking Hummel figurine Ken Rosenthal mentioned that the Phillies could be in discussions to acquire Roy Oswalt. His spot in the rotation would be filled by this veteran.

  • Every Team In The NL West Other Than The Dodgers: Not even a 9 game winning streak by the Padres can make this division interesting. Especially since even with their current "tear" they've scored a microscopic 70 runs for the month. But hey, Tim Lincecum!

  • Tampa Bay Rays: It's no secret that Tampa's pitching is not as good as it was last year. Nor is that a surprise. Conversastion about the team leading up to the season centered on how the staff, especially the bullpen, was built on a handful of career seasons. Indeed their ERA is .80 higher than last season. They've scored more runs than any other team in baseball, which would normally keep them off this list, but their BABIP is sitting at a not gonna stay there .327. You can dock them for being in baseball's toughest division. Also, screw the Rays.

  • Baltimore Orioles: Hey, they're better than the Nationals! Anyone wanna buy Jeremy Guthrie a sandwich? He's trying not to spend money.

  • On life support: A's, Indians, Marlins

  • Not as healthy as they look: Cardinals, Angels

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9 Comments

if you're a fan of one of the following teams you can stop paying attention to baseball altogether
Does that include baseball blogs?...

Also dead: Jay Bennett.

Bummer.

Barbara Bush fought in the War of the Roses. We all lost.

On life support: A's, Indians, Marlins

Loria is trying to pull the plug. GET YER UGGLA HERE

Carpenter-Gallardo is turning out to be a gem of a matchup.

Guthrie pitched today like a champ with post-sandwich euphoria (PSE). Thanks if one of you guys who spotted him.

The Rays might not be out of it yet but they certainly taste delicious with some Montreal steak seasoning on 'em.

So the dry wedding wasn't so bad after I powered through a 6-pack in the hour immediately preceding the ceremony, but coming back to find out that Matt T's betting advice cost me my pants was unpleasant

tj/ Hey Kris, here's one for Creampuff: Carlos Gomez had to get stitches in his forehead before today's game w/ the Red Sox. why? banged it on a REVOLVING DOOR before the game. I shit you not. /tj

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