Japanese Women Are Desperate, Japanese Men Too Busy Purchasing Used Underwear to Notice

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Here in the United States, the sanctity of marriage is being attacked by the gay scourge, but over in Japan, it seems like nobody wants to get married at all. They even have a word, Konkatsu, to describe the fact that young people are more interested in video games and self-abuse than getting hitched. That's why the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters have created a clever ruse to play the role of matchmaker and bring together some lonely guys and gals.

The Ham Fighters will sell 100 special tickets behind home plate to fifty single young ladies and fifty single young men, similar to one of those speed-dating things at bars your mom keeps surreptitiously signing you up for. The demand among the ladies has been unexpectedly high and those tickets are already sold out. However, only 10 dudes have bought tickets because Japanese men are notoriously shy and fear contact with women unless there's a plate glass window between them and an exchange of yen.

Here's the deets on the promotion:

Male fans will be given a recognizable symbol to attach to their clothes. Female fans will receive a card with a matching symbol. The couple will be assigned randomly with the male mark on their clothes matching the female mark on their card.

Seat changes will occur between innings to add on to the excitement.

The seats will be placed behind home plate and fans might need courage to participate as there is the possibility they will be shown on television.

If a couple that meets at the game ends up getting married the plan is to invite them for the ceremonial first pitch to have their first appearance as a wife and husband on the field.

That sounds needlessly complicated when compared to the courting ritual among American baseball fans, typically involving a liquor-fueled hate-f**k between a male Red Sox fan and a female Yankees fan.

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Supply the men with roofies and it's just like going to a Cubs game.

Only 10 dudes? They need to up the ante and offer up some tentacle porn and used panties.

Bobby Valentine bought all 10 tickets

"Sorry, my husband couldn't make it for the ceremonial first pitch; he had to work late."

Asahi is awful beer, btw. Where are the Sapporo women at?

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