What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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First, some good news to report. No major leaguers were raped by wallabys this week. The neighborhood watches are really working. It just goes to show that community involvement is the most effective tool in combating Marsupial Sex Crimes. Keep up the good work and stay vigilant everybody.

  • Buddy Carlyle, Braves: After begging out of the role of the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz due to an extreme allergy to the silver makeup used during filming, he later found success in television. First, as private dick Barnaby Jones, then lovable country bumpkin Jed Clampett on The Beverly Hillbillies. Oh I'm sorry, that's Buddy Ebsen. Carlyle hurt his back.

  • Rocco Baldelli, Red Sox: My friend Rocco, is dealing with lingering hamstring issues that could be related to his mitochondrial problem. Looks like it's time to take down the "I'm feeling good" sign.

  • Ryan Freel, Farney, Cubs: Both Freel and Farney are on the deel with strained left hammies, making this the 12th consecutive time they've both suffered the exact same injury at the exact same time, dating back to when Freel's mother dropped him on his head.

  • Rafael Furcal, Dodgers: Furcal returned to the lineup last night but if you thought I was going to leave someone with a strained buttock off of this list you don't read this site very much.

  • Nomar Garciaparra, A's: Nomar re-injured the right calf muscle that had already sidelined him earlier in the year, thus completing the rare feat of hurting every part of his body twice. When I was writing about Eric Chavez last week I came across an article that said Nomar was signed as an "insurance policy" in case Chavez couldn't get/stay healthy. If he was a real insurance policy the salesman would be arrested.

  • Brett Myers, Phillies: Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Myers is looking at 3-4 months of rehab following his upcoming hip surgery. It's a blow to the Champs' rotation but also greatly increases their likability.

  • Kenji Johjima, Mariners: J/Ohjima was placed on the deel and is looking at 6-8 weeks of sitting due to a broken big toe. Jeff Clement "accidentally" dropped a bowling ball on it, but alas he has a knee injury preventing him from catching so the Mariners called up Guillermo Quiroz. Quiroz is hitting .188 with no home runs. CATCH MARINERS CATCHER FEVER.

  • Aki Iwomura, Jason Bartlett, Rays: Whoops. Right after I declared the Rays dead for 2009 they lost their entire middle infield. CTC IS A WITCH. Aki is out for the year but Bartlett is going to miss only the minium 15 days, due to his scrappiness.

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5 Comments

CTC IS A WITCH. Talk about the Giants and I'll cut you.

Sonia Sotomayor is clearly unqualified for the Supreme Court because of her appetite for mucho platos de guillermo quiroz.

Gatorade Machine, Cubs: After trying to reinvent himself as "G," Gatorade Machine followed a life of crime that led to being beaten with a baseball bat in a dark alley.

Also, Duk just got off the DL with a severe case of neckbearditis.

Garciaparra is an insurance policy backed by a subprime mortgage.

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