Blue Jays 8, Phillies 3: I guess that new reality show about the Phillies bullpen on MLB Network is totally distracting the relief crew. I guess Ryan Madson and the like are too busy chit-chatting on their Blackberries with their agents about movie deals and guest spots on "The Love Boat" to deal with actually, you know, protecting a lead. Madson walked in the tying run in the ninth for the blown save and Clay Condrey gave up the farm (and five runs) in the tenth for the loss. Get me out of here, I'm a celebrity, indeed!
Royals 5, Diamondbacks 0: Gil Meche does not care about your silly plastic device counting the number of pitches his arm has thrown. Just discard it, Royals pitching coach sir. It is worthless to you on a night when Gil "Guh" Meche goes the distance in his first Kansas City shutout and racks up a whopping 132 pitches spun. Ol' Noodle Arm struck out six and allowed but five baserunners, then doused his arm in a vat of chocolate soft serve after the game. With sprinkles, please!
Rangers 6, Astros 1: Former Ranger and current Astro Pudge "Ivan" Rodriguez clobbered a solo dong on the night that he tied Pudge "Carlton" Fisk for most games squatting behind a plate with the umpire smelling your neck musk in baseball history. It was in a losing cause, though, as Kevin Millwood went seven strong and Ian Kinsler took Houston starter Wandy "Pudge" Rodriguez out behind the pudgeshed with two tater tots.
Mets 6, Orioles 4: From the AP recap: "Baltimore first baseman Aubrey Huff muffed a seventh-inning pop down the right-field line that produced two unearned runs, and the Mets beat the bumbling Orioles 6-4 Tuesday night. Three Baltimore errors led to three tainted Mets runs, helping Mike Pelfrey earn his first win in more than five weeks." Muffs? Taints? Bumbling? You can't possibly find a sexier recap than that. Kudos, AP guy.