Cinema Varitek: The Pen, Episode 3

| | Comments (20)

The.Pen.Logo.jpg Each week (or not), Dan McQuade reviews a baseball movie. He's also reviewing MLB Network's six-episode reality show The Pen, featuring the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen, airing Sundays at 8 p.m. on MLB Network. Previous installments: Episode 1, Episode 2.

We didn't even get three episodes into The Pen and already people are claiming curse. Last week, the Philadelphia Daily News implied the three Phils relievers on the DL could be the result of a curse. I'm not quite sure how going on a reality show could curse a team; maybe reality shows can only be broadcast on television if producers desecrate an Indian burial ground first.

But there's more exciting Phillies bullpen news, and I'll cover this one here since I think there's a 0% chance a show on a network owned by Major League Baseball will: A fan at a Tampa Rays game says J.C. Romero attacked him for making a steroids comment; Romero could face battery charges in St. Petersburg.

It is a minor incident, of course. St. Petersburg police spokesman George Kajtsa: "Remember, this is a simple battery. No weapon was used. There were no injuries to the victim whatsoever, except as he says in the report he was embarrassed because it happened in front of other fans and his family." Perhaps the DA will charge Romero with intentional infliction of embarrassment.

All of this brings us to Episode No. 3 of The Pen, which basically follows the bullpen during the Phillies horrid 1-9 homestand earlier this month, as well as Brad Lidge's rehab assignment in Reading, Pa.

So: Yes, it's another ridiculously boring episode of The Pen. That makes three straight! It's weird: The only people likely to watch this show are Phillies fans and hardcore baseball fans, who probably already know (or at least have a general idea of) how the Phillies are doing this season. Yet the show is full of baseball highlights, which those people would have already seen.

The best parts of the show are the interactions between bullpen members, and the little things you learn about the players. For example, Scott Eyre is apparently an undercover FBI agent, probably going not-so-deep cover on J.C. Romero:


Or maybe it means Full Blooded Italian. I'd suggest it's best to not leave your FBI hat around when you're an undercover agent, but -- as both Eyre and I can attest -- it's hard to concentrate with ADD. I'm always leaving my towel on the bed and getting yelled at by my girlfriend.

Now that The Pen has almost caught up to real-time, it's clear the producers are running out of things to fill roughly 22 minutes of airtime. In episode three, we're actually treated to an etymology of the word "bullpen." According to Wikipedia this is actually disputed, but on The Pen, a baseball historian tells us it simply comes from a pen for bulls; originally, bullpens were simply enclosures on the side of the field. That leads to this shot, in case you weren't sure what a bull is.


I believe that's actually taken from an MLB Network studio. But, hey, at least they show us some old-timey footage as well!


Speaking of old-timey footage (and running out of things to fill time), this episode of The Pen also waxes esoteric about how esoteric relievers are. For this, we're treated to footage of the pre-pitch ritual of former MLB reliever Mike Fetters, which I've reproduced here in animated gif form:


We also see some ridiculous footage of former Phillies reliever and current announcer Larry Andersen (who you may know as the pitcher the Astros traded for Jeff Bagwell):


Perhaps even less stylish than those maroon Phillies jerseys: The headband of The Pen narrator/former Phillies reliever Mitch Williams in the early 90s; this week's episode showed spraying hair-in-a-can on Andersen:


Despite the lack of content, there are no shots of any attractive reliever wives in this week's episode. As I know many of you only read this recaps looking for hot babes, I present the two female reporters shown this week.


I might feel bad about this, but female sports reporters are among our nation's most harassed women. This is nothing. Go to a college basketball game sometime and watch how all the old lecherous sportswriters hover around the cute girl from the college newspaper.

That second reporter pictured is from something called Service Electric, which shows Reading Phillies games. Lidge's rehab gives me a moment to pontificate on the R-Phils jerseys. (I'm like a regular Paul Lukas, only I don't have an irrational hatred of Mike Piazza!)

As you may know, Reading has a giant pagoda. The structure is also represented on the R-Phils jerseys.


(shrugs). I just think that patch is kind of neat. It's certainly better than the Phillies' stupid "World Series champions" patch. My uncle has deemed this "bad luck"; he is certain it's causing the Phillies' horrible home record this season. Hey, that makes more sense than The Curse of The Pen.

But back to Reading, home of at least one pagoda and the Geigle Complex. Here's what I don't like about the R-Phils jerseys:


What's up with those numbers? Yuck. Italics and a horrid font. I'm guessing the team would like to differentiate itself from the big league club, but they could do better. May I suggest 8-bit Nintendo font style numbers? Heck, it'd match the on-screen graphics of Service Electric's broadcasts!


Can you name the five games I used at the bottom by way of comparison? If so: Wow, you're as big of a nerd as I am.

Bonus! The next episode of The Pen could feature some baby mama drama. And by that I mean: Is Clay Condrey pregnant?


PREVIOUS: Infrequent Braves Success Linked to Jeff Francouer's Underoos   |   NEXT: Vernon Wells and Alex Rios Are Lucky To Be Anonymous Losers


Bravo DMac!
> throws popcorn @ computer

The FBI hat is his official "Female Body Inspector" hat.

Is that the original "Baseball" for the NES? Jeez.

Needs more Base Wars.

Like Hurley, I've seen those numbers before.

Left: Nintendo Baseball
Left-Center: RBI Baseball 2(??)
Center: Bases Loaded
Right-Center: RBI Baseball
Right: A Boy and His Blob

So I'm only 60% the nerd that DMac is. Better luck next time, I guess.

njpanick: Excellent A Boy and his Blob reference.

The two you missed were Baseball Simulator 1.000 (left center) and Roger Clemens MVP Baseball (right). BS 1.000 had super pitches and hits one could toggle, MVP Baseball didn't have any license besides Clemens, so the players were things like "Lanny Duckstra" and "Jon Krick."

Reminds me of Jon Dowd.

They love their stoner-ish monuments in Berks Cawnty

Baseball Simulator 1.000 was awesome, especially because every player's name was limited to four characters. Go NED! Strike out FRED!

Haha you actually think that the tv is service electric? It is infact the R-Phils broadcast not service electric, their broadcast is actually pretty nice when there there 3 days a month LOL but you obviously wouldn't know that.

Well , good post! Thank you@@
free advertising |part time jobs|fix iphone

Not these reality shows seems to be complete crap. After the disclosure from Big Bro 3 and many more such craps disclosures it is sure that nothing is true and everything is scripted!

Master's Thesis

Baseball movies are mostly nice to watch, specially teens like them a lot. Its a great review on topic. Thanks. ecommerce website development

Sportswriters are doing very nice and tough job, according to me. I know as affiliate programI have a few friends who are sportswriters and they are amazing.

Clay is an incredible player of baseball. this game is still popular and I don't think its popularity is going to fade in coming years.
links building management

Clay is awesome. I really love him. The boy has serious talents and will go a long way. Very very nice post by the way :).
make money online

Nice read on bullpen and its relative "the pen" name. Is there any news on next matches? Thanks.wholesale jewelry

Useful information like this one must be kept and maintained so I will put this one on my bookmark list for my research. Thanks for this wonderful post anyway and hoping to see more info like that. Cheers, harnesses for dogs

It is a wide industry and work has to be keep going on it. I love to play baseball once but now due to time shortage I only see matches.
antique pewter

Leave a comment