Baseball's fallen hero and champion of artificially-fit guidos everywhere Jose Canseco is going to take down Major League Baseball and the Players Association with the best tool he can possibly muster: THE COURTS, BITCHES. Jose is planning to team up with fellow fallen sluggers Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa to form the world's most despicable class-action lawsuit where they'll seek compensation for lost wages and...get ready...defamation of character.
"Because I used steroids and I came out with a book, I was kicked out of the game, but I have not been inducted into the Hall of Fame," Canseco said in a telephone interview.
"A lot of these players have not been inducted into the Hall of Fame: Mark McGwire and so forth. They're losing salaries, because obviously when you're inducted into the Hall of Fame, you get asked to do certain, you know, appearances and shows and so forth, which incorporates income. So there is a major income loss.
"Not even that, baseball blackballs you from their family, meaning you can't have a future proper reference from them, a job, no managerial jobs, no coaching jobs, nothing. They completely sever you."
Let me play judge for a second, despite having no legal education and just a minuscule understanding of the American legal system: Jose Canseco's planned lawsuit is full of horseshit. And if he and his buddies don't get thrown out of the court and slide along the sleek marble floors on their ridiculously oversized asses, then I request that Jose's lawyer includes this here website on the list of defendants. After all, we've had our fun with the despicable dago for our entire run.