Thursday Liveglog With Sooze Yay

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It's that time again. You know, the time where I drink myself under the computer desk right before the 8th inning. To stop that from happening, I've positioned myself on my bed infront of the tv. No passing out, I promise. I'm way too pumped for this game.

Some guy named Mike Burns (put those dimples away this instant mister) is going to pitch from a major league mound for the first time in his life today because Dave Bush hurt himself. Since we're at Miller Park today (yay outdoor baseballs) we get to see Scott Baker take cuts, National League style. Good luck buddies!

Denard Span is back after his DL stint, but sadly, there will be no Nick Punto head-first dives into first base after a poorly executed bunt today. He's back in the Cities getting an x-ray. T-minus like 20 minutes til game time!
P.S. That picture of Bernie Brewer is courtesy of BLB's own Marea, who is texting me updates via awesome seats at the ballpark. I was supposed to join her but couldn't find enough change in the sofa to drive across two states this afternoon. My heart is with you Marea!

batty.jpgSpeaking of bats, I've been enjoying the local St. Cloud Riverbats ball team this summer. Their mascot, Earl Batty -- he even has a cape -- drives a batmobile around the basepaths during the seventh inning stretch to the tune of the old school Batman theme song. Also, $1 beers.

2:05: First pitch from Burnsy is a called strike to Denarded, back in the leadoff spot.

2:09: Four balls later, Span walks to give way to Brendan Harris, who couldn't bat .300 if he was paid more than the league minimum.

2:11: Harris grounds into a double play, Span injures Craig Counsell with a nice, clean slide. Someone loses a shoe. Two gone, which brings us to this video dedication to the future father of my babies, Joe Mauer.



2:13: And Mauer strikes out swinging. Counsell will come to bat in the bottom of the first, facing Shake n Bake.

2:16: Baker finds himself in a bit trouble right away when Counsell hits a leadoff double into the corner, his 10th of the year.

2:17: Super play by Matt Tolbert at second on a Casey McGehee groundout! Craig moves to third and now Ryan Braun, who is pretty awesome at baseball, will try to bring him home.

2:21: Fielder just about got knocked the F out by a foul ball, but some dude in a lime green shirt took it in the chest instead. This at bat is taking forever.

2:24: Brauny grounds out to short, so Counsell stays put. Two down and Prince at the plate. He's a big boy.

2:25: Baker intentionally walks him to get to Corey Hart, which is a good move, since Prince can hit the ball to the moon.

2:26: Three ground balls later, the first inning is over and Justin Morneau is coming up in the second. Twins 0, Brewers 0.

2:28: My Canadian Crusher crushed a ball straight to center fielder Mike Cameron for the first oot.

2:30: Jason Kubel, who can hit a bomb anytime he wants but just didn't feel like it this time flies out to left. Two down, Michael Cuddyer's turn.

tc.jpg2:31: Burns sits Cuddy down on three pitches and we're headed to the bottom half with Cameron up to bat. That was a quickie! Marea has just sent a picture of TC Bear. What a dumb mascot.

2:33: You take that back, Dmac!!!!!

2:35: Cameron walks on five pitches and it's J.J. Hardy's turn.

2:36: Ooh! Macha tries out one of those fancy hit and runs but it doesn't work out. Hardy grounds into a dp and here comes catcher Jason Kendall.

2:38: KenDoll pops out to second and it's already the third inning. I'm only 1.7 beers in, something tells me I need to crank it up to eleven. Twins 0, Brewers 0.

2:40: Joe Crede skies one to third and here comes Tolbert, who we're all related to one way or another.

2:42: Tolbert grounds out to short, and Burnsy is doing pretty awesome so far. High five, pal. Down low. Syke!

2:43: I love watching AL pitchers swing a bat. Baker pops out as usual and it's time to see how Burns does at the plate. Pitcher on pitcher action: hot.

2:47: And Burns goes down looking. Craig Counsell's turn!

2:29: Bert Bylyleven is already bitching about the strikezone. Surprise! Counsell grounds out and here comes McGeheeeeee.

2:30: I slammed a beer and burped so loud my cat jumped and scratched the crap out of my ankle. I need a band-aid and possibly some neosporin.

2:51: Oops, went back in time there for a second. When this baby hits 88 mph, you're gonna see some serious shit. Casey called out on Ks, which adds up to Baker's second strikeout of the day. Twins 0, Brewers 0.

2:54: Time to get Denarded in the top of the fourth, right back to the top of the order.

2:55: Walks are fun. Aflak trivia question: Who are the 4 Brewers to lead their league in homers?

2:56: Rob, it's all that Coors Light he drinks. It's the main culprit of the the racially insensitive remarks and f-bombs. He's one gay joke away from Dennis Eckersley.

2:58: Burns and Fielder are pretty much playing catch at this point, pick-off attempt #4 on Span. I think he's thrown more balls to first than to the plate at this point.

3:00: Harris hits one right back at Burns, who you'd think could get it to Fielder in time since they had so much practice during that at bat. Nonetheless, everybody's safe. Video dedication time!


3:01: ...Man Muscles flies out to center. Am I freaking him out or something?

3:03: My Canadian Crusher singles on a liner to right to score the speedy Span. Weeeee! Twins 1, Brewers 0.

3:04: Kubes singles on a fly to Sunglasses At Night and the Twins have the bags juiced and Cuddy at the plate. I'm hungry for some salami.

3:05: Coaching visit!

3:06: Burnsy is kinda unraveling here. Full count to Cuddyer, who has 4 career Grand Slams. One out only, I'd take a walked-in run with Crede on deck.

3:08: Bwaahahaha! Burns walks in a run, making it 2-zip Twins with Joegasm #3 at the plate.

3:10: Crede lines out, bags still full for my second-cousin Matt.

3:12: It's 100 degrees in here. And no, it's not just me. Tolbert flies out, time for the Brewers to play catch-up with Braun leading off the bottom of the fourth.

3:14: Brauny grounds out and manages not to take Fielder's head off with a foul tip.

3:16: Prince Fielder is pretty quick for a big dude. Must be all those green vegetables he mows. I hear you can actually feel him rounding first.

3:18: For those of you watching this game on television, you can totally check out Marea. She's the hot one, second row behind home plate wearing a white shirt, blue and red sparkly Twins hat and adorable braids. Hi Marea! I wish I was sitting next to you heckling people.

3:19: Hart lines out to second and here comes Mike Cameron, who's batting .252. Way to go buddy!

3:20: Rob, that was flippin hot. I'll just have to replace my naughty thoughts about CTC with innappropriate daydreams of Iracane spicy salami now.

3:21: Cameron lines out to left, three down, and we're headed to the fifth. Twins 2, Brewers 0.

3:23: Scotty lines out to Burns, who has collected himself after managing to escape with minor scratches last inning. One out, let's get Denarded in heeeeere. Beer #4. What a comeback!

3:26: Welcome back to the lineup, Span! Denard triples and it'll be up to Harris to drive him in.

3:27: Brendan does his j.o.b. and Span scores on a sac fly. Video time.


3:29: Mauer singles!! He must like Lionel.

3:30: Morneau pops out to Kendall in foul territory to end the top half of the inning, and Shake n Bake is back on the bump to take on J.J.

3:32: Hardy flies out to center and here comes Kendall.

wtf.jpg3:33: Not sure what's up with this pirate picture I found of Jason Kendall. Is it possible for him to look like a bigger dork? I guess it is. Nice mustache.

3:35: KenDoll strikes out on a foul tip and here comes Burnsy to likely end the inning.

3:36: And the pitcher grounds out to the pitcher. Twins 3, Brewers 0 and it's already the sixth inning! Speaking of pitchers, beer #5 is almost ready to be crushed. I'm starving.

3:38: Kubel kicks off the inning with a fly-out to center, one down. Cuddy's turn... I'm gonna go get a snack while Dick and Bert remind us all to drink lots of H20 when it's 100 degrees outside. Blah blah electrolytes and stuff.

3:41: Baby carrots. Yum. Cuddyer strikes out swinging.

joegasm.jpg
3:42: Joegasm #11 on the year for Joe Crede. Shots of Schnaaps are on me! Twins 4, Brewers 0 and Burnsy is done for the day.

3:43: Lefty Chris Narveson, who is sporting a nifty 10.13 ERA, replaces Mike Burns on the hill to face Tolbert, who singles to center. Too bad Baker is due up with two out already.

3:44: And Bake lines out to Cameron in center. Back to the top of the Crew's order with Counsell at the plate.

3:47: And Chorizo wins!!!

chorizo.jpg
3:49: Full count to Counsell... another tiresome at bat for Baker.

3:50: And after all that, he walks him.

donuts.jpg3:52: Oh man, McGehee hits his third homer of the season to cut the Twins lead in half, just like that. Twins 4, Brewers 2. Double-shot for Bernie! There goes the shut out.

3:54: Brauny called out on strikes and here comes Prince. God he's a monster.

3:55: Fielder nails one to right-center for his 18th bomb of the year! Uh-oh.

3:57: After a coaching visit to the mound, Hart grounds out for the second out of the sixth. Here comes Cameron.

3:59: Cam strikes out on a foul tip and we're headed to the seventh inning where Span will lead off against Narveson. I missed him. Twins 4, Brewers 3.

4:02: Three walks and a triple for Span today. Nice.

4:05: Harris drops one to right-center and delivers Span to third...


4:08: Man Muscles waits patiently for the pitching change, where lefty Mitch Stetter (who only knows how to get outs by way of strikeout) replaces Narveson.

4:10: Sweet, Span scores speedily on a passed ball, and Harris moves to second. Twins 5, Brewers 3.

4:12: Man Muscles obviously likes The Proclaimers. He gets a ground rule double, which scores Harris. Twins 6, Brewers 3.

4:14: Big swing by Morneau for a strikeout. I am not too impressed with him this afternoon.

4:16: Kubel flies out to right and here comes Cuddyer, who looks like he's about to be put on base on purpose.

4:18: Mark DiFelice will replace Stetter, who totally blew it out there.

4:19: Three pitches later, which all looked great to Crede, we're headed to the bottom of the seventh. Everyone please rise for our nation's pastime's national anthem of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, which Ron Coomer will perform using armpit fart sounds.

4:20: brb

reardon.jpg4:22: I just love R.A. Dickey. He reminds me of Jeff Reardon, minus the jewelry store robbery and crazy pills, or whatever happened there.

4:23: J.J. Hardy pops out to Morneau, one down.

4:24: Jason KenDoll grounds out, two down. Just cracked Beer #6 and that is seriously all I'm drinking. Scouts honor. (Shh... my body doesn't realize it's intoxicated yet.)

4:25: Jody Gerut, pinch-hitting for DiFelice, grounds out to end the inning. Nice job, Trickey Dickey. Time for the eighth inning, which is about where things start to break for this girl. Cross your shrimps, fellas. Twins 6, Brewers 3.

4:28: Matty Tolbert -- apparently he used to be the third cousin on my mother's fourth husband's side -- singles to center. Here comes GoGoGomez, batting ninth in place of Baker and playing center... which means Span is in left I think.

4:31: One out now after Gomez flies out to center. Time to get Denarded again!

4:33: Span is retired on a sweet catch by Braun, and here comes Harris, who's been more productive than usual today.

4:35: There's the Brendan Harris we know and love and were confused by earlier: a groundout to short to end the top half of the eighth.

4:38: Righty Matt Guerrier replaces Trickey Dickey on the hill to face Counsell back at the top of the Brewers order, and he gets him to fly out on a sinker.

4:40: McGehee -- that name sucks to type -- flies out to left and here comes the Hebrew Hammer.

4:41: Shoulda' called him the Hebrew Hacker maybe. Brauny smokes one to the upper deck, bomb #16 on the year.

4:42: I'm scared of Fielder, so I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut here. And maybe hold my breath.

4:43: Steeeeerike three. Guerrier sends him back to the bench with a changeup and we're already headed to the ninth, with Man Muscles leading off. Sigh.


4:46: Mauer called out on strikes from Chris Smith, but enjoys a 2-for-5 afternoon to leave his average at .395. Not too shabby.

4:47: Canadian Crusher is about due to crush one, eh?

4:49: Or walk, that's good too. Brian Buscher will pinch hit for the pitcher's spot. One of my fantasy team names is BeerBongsAndBuscher. I'm dead last in that one.

4:50: Smith gets his second K and it's up to Cuddyer to keep the inning alive.

4:51: False alarm. Joe Nate will come in to save the day with a 2-run lead and Hart at the plate. I was at the market yesterday and stocked up on milk after seeing Kemps new promo on the carton. Delicious.

joegasm2.jpg
4:52: Marea has just informed me that they've actually run out of bottled water. People drink water at Miller Park? Weird. Have some thirst-quenching Kemps milk on me, lady.

4:54: Hart, Cameron and Hardy, the next three due up, are all hitless on the afternoon. Lookin good for Joegasm #2.

4:55: Hart goes down swinging. One down.

4:56: Cameron flies out to center, and Rob, just where do you get your calcium young man? Hardy is Milwaukee's last hope.

4:57: And that'll do it for the Brewers. Final score: Twins 6, Brewers 4, Beers 6.5.

I heart you guys so much. Thanks for having me and for playing along! I think this is the first Twins glog where they've actually won when I was present. And I even got to have a Joegasm. The curse has been lifted!!


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75 Comments

Sweet, something to do this afternoon besides read comics. (Did you know Bruce Wayne is dead and Dick Grayson is Batman now?!)

They are saying "boo", they are saying "Booo-urns"

are not

You are either lying or smoking something illicit, dmac. Dick Grayson couldn't carry Batman's multipurpose Batjock with built in Batrevolver.

It's true! Tim Drake (now calling himself Tim Wayne) is Red Robin and is in Europe, and Batwoman is still a lesbian and in Gotham.

BTW, original DC continuity had Gotham City near Cape May, N.J., and Metropolis near Lewes, Del. Neat!

My knowledge of the Batmanosphere doesn't extend much further than the Tim Burton movie. "Where does he get those wonderful toys!"

/slams fist on table

I've got Bob Uecker on the radio which means all is well in the world.

I thought there were like 4 Robins. Bruce Wayne had so many wards it was embarrassing.

Why do the Cubs have to suck so bad?

Just as the Cubs' broadcasters were talking about how Ted Lilly needed a strikeout, he coughed up the lead-changing Tater Tot. OMG CURRSE!!!!1

I imagine that 50% of the population in Minnesota has the last name "Tolbert" while the other half are "Gundersons".

With that SI cover and more and more catching, I bet Joe Mauer finishes the season hitting around .280.

JUSTIN MORNEAU IS MY CANADIAN ARCH NEMESIS

The only Metropoli (?) near Delaware are the worlds of fantasy the poor people who live in Delaware have to conjure up to stave off boredom.

Because they're in Delaware, see.

Anyone ever been to Dover? It's all car dealerships, big box stores, slot machines and racetracks, nothing else.

Of course, when they open up sports betting come NFL season, I'm totally heading down there.

My girlfriend's sister got married in Dover two years ago and they had the after party at the racetrack's slot parlor because nothing else was open.

But Dover, DE also brags a freakin Air Force base that holds awesome air shows. And the Delaware Agriculture Museum which has tractors.

Oh, yeah, and the Air Force base. How did I forget that?

Sooze: 1.7 beers by the third inning? I demand at least one shotgunning before the fifth inning.

Airshows and tractors eh? That's a hog racing facility away from being able to host the Redneck Triple Crown.

Bert Blyleven is obviously gassy.

"I slammed a beer and burped so loud my cat jumped and scratched the crap out of my ankle. I need a band-aid and possibly some neosporin." That's the kind of liveblogging dedication I like to see. Well played.

THIS JUST IN: Cubs are still losing.

You want to try my spicy salami? My beefy bologna?

The Brewers radio station just came back from break with a Taylor Swift song. I'm not sure if I'm more embarrassed for them for doing that or more embarrassed for me for recognizing it.

There's plenty of embarrassment to go around with that one, Rob.

Who's Taylor Swift?

Ok, I finally detached from my multiple meetings. Schnapps for everyone!

Getting back to the Delaware chat, I get really freaked out by the fact that their traffic lights are strung up above the intersections by big wires, as opposed to mounted on poles. Why don't they twist in the wind? Why don't they fall more often? Spend some of those racetrack taxes on poles, Biden.

"I think he's related to Tom Swift," MDT commented avuncularly.

These are some inspired video selections.

Heh. Mounted on Poles.

THAT'S HOW SHE DIRECTS TRAFFIC

Is that Bill Swift's son?

I keed, I keed. I know it's his daughter.

Oh, and now that we know who Marea is based on her seat location, I should mention that I'm the handsome fella in the white shirt and blue cap who makes an awfully lame attempt at catching this Yunel Escobar home run. You would think that at 6'4", I would be able to catch a ball that's only 2' over my head. You'd be wrong.

Also, if you miss me the first time, don't worry, it replays in soul-crushing slo-mo.

I should keep my big mouth shut what with my girl's family living in Dover and whatnot, but really, there is NOWHERE to eat out except Buffalo Wild Wings, a single New Jersey-style Italian restaurant, and twelve Denny's.

...pirate picture I found of Jason Kendall. Is it possible for him to look like a bigger dork?

Only every plate appearance during his inexplicably long career.

I should keep my big mouth shut what with my girl's family living in Dover and whatnot, but really, there is NOWHERE to eat out except Buffalo Wild Wings, a single New Jersey-style Italian restaurant, and twelve Denny's.

There's a Pizza Hut, too! I ate there after I interviewed (unsuccessfully) at a now-defunct newspaper in 2004.

Why are you abandoning the Honeynut name, Honeynut?

It's so nice to have some of the schnapps pressure taken off of me.

Also, many of the women in DE look like they fell out of a hot air balloon that traveled back from 1983. High waists and even higher hair.

Not sure what's up with this pirate picture I found of Jason Kendall. Is it possible for him to look like a bigger dork? I guess it is.

Sooze: Yes. Yes it is. At least using Photoshop.

http://www.walkoffwalk.com/jasonkendoll.jpg

Arg

So, Comcast made available about 30 new HD channels this week, and I got my first taste of MLBTV in HD. I might not watch anything else this summer, at least while all the live look-ins are going on. Last night's Live Nugget of Note: Mo Rivera hacking in only his second career at-bat.

My day was going just fine until that bottom of the 6th.

My band has covered that Proclaimers song a few times. Surprisingly fun.

Anyway, off to work for me. Great glog, Sooze!

For those of you not old enough to remember MTV's Kennedy, she was profoundly annoying.

@Rob

I'm abondoning Honeynut primarily because it is derived from a hacky fantasy baseball name (Honeynut Ichiros) that I used a few years ago. Plus, when I came up with my twitter handle, I liked it a lot better. Honeynut is a bit effeminate for my liking, plus njpanick has the word panic in it, which makes it seem like I am crazy and wild and out of sorts. I'll take that over fey.

@Gorge

As my cousin once put it long ago, "if you took away everything that is awesome about Idalis, you'd be left with Kennedy."

Get ready for some hot Kennedy action in the TQ post, peoples.

Also, I am saddened to see your queer name go away, Honeynut. But I welcome njpanick with open arms.

Ron Coomer's armpits are in the key of yecch.

4:20: brb

I can't believe I never thought of that.

@NJ
Also, the old name can cause people to believe that you are a Mariners fan. You do not want that to happen.

@Rob

As my wife once put it not so long ago, "Seriously, Honeynut is pretty gay."

Altho your South Jersey cred will get nowhere with this North Jersey dago.

@bc

Yeah, that's probably the most important part. If I'm gonna go with a fruity-sounding cereal-pun, it should be something like "Honey Bunches of Cole" or "Frosted Mini-Werths."

Count Condreyla. Frankenblanton. ChrisCostepix.

Okay, I'm done.

Honey Shmidts

Dmac, your Supermarket Attack Ad is a treasure trove of typos. I assume that a "Cliff Bar" is something eaten by the Huxtables. And not to be outdone with the apostrophe in "pretzel's" that Rob pointed out, they went ahead and added one to "Starbuck's" too. And their butchering of "Hagen Daz" makes the name sound like that of a Dutch rapper.

Also the "San Georgio" misspelling lets us know there are no real wops working there.

I went for the low-hanging fruit, but that was the first one that I saw.

Also, Rob, my Morris County upbringing makes me the rare blend of North jersey dago, South Jersey trash and Philly asshole.

I love Starbuck's coffee. It's hot and tastes like crazy.

Unfortunately, when you turn around, it disappears.

Oh right, Denville represent.

Mendham, ya heard.

I'm going to a wedding in Florham Park on Saturday. It's an afternoon affair. Booooooooo.

Some dude born in Teaneck scored 2 goals for Italy recently against the U.S. Yet another reason to hate North Jersey.

TCFKAHI: I updated my post accordingly.

At the Park Savoy? My junior prom was there. I brought a cassette tape of Journey's greatest hits in the car so I could hook up with my date.

Of course it's at the Park Savoy. Where else would it be, the Roller Rink on Ridgedale Avenue?

I'm just pissed that I won't have time to squeeze in a round at Pinch Brook. Maybe if the wedding sucks I'll squeeze onto the back nine. I used to play the shit out of that joke course. Par-65 with 10 par 3's.

I had at least three birthday parties at that roller rink. I remember doing a couples skate with a girl to Journey's greatest hits so I could hook up with her.

Sooze, I'm lactose intolerant. Any more chit-chat about milk and I'll have the Hershey squirts.

The new Yankee Stadium Ran out of bottled water once. They made the peons drink trough style out of the moat.

@Rob

We bought all of our patio furniture and 2 fake Christmas trees at that Treasure Island that used to be across the street.

/pours out a little liqour

Sometimes I forget how amazing Joe Nathan is until I see him do his thing on the TV.

Thanks, Sooze! GREAT multimedia glog today.

@Rob
That explains why you are so short.

I used to drink milk every night when i was growing up b/c i didn't like the carbonation of soda. So throw out THAT theory.

They only have soda and milk in NJ?

Milk was the only non-carbonated beverage that you could find in Denville? Juice was out of the question?

Anyway, thanks for your efforts today, Sooze. Enjoy your salami and carrots.

You guys are the breast.

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