One time as a child I fell off a brick wall and cracked my head open. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and gushing blood everywhere and my mom thought she was gonna have to take me to the hospital but then I heard the Ice Cream Man, immediately stopped crying, asked for a buck and went and bought a WWF Ice Cream Bar with blood all over my face. These wimps need the Ice Cream Man.
- Jorge Campilllo, Braves: Hor-Camp is headed to the deel for the second time this season with arm trouble. Man, Glavine must have really looked horrible. Jorge, stop sticking your arm in the trash compactor.
- Edinson Volquez, Reds: Uh oh. Here's another repeat Creampuff, and one that could have some major implications in the NL Central. He has tendinitis in hit throwing elbow and will cease all baseball activity for 7-10 days. Since I have no hard numbers about pitch counts or innings thrown compared to other pitchers I will not remind you that his manager is Dusty Baker. Not gonna do it.
- Rafael Betancourt, Asdrubal Cabrera, Grady Sizemore, Indians: Betancourt has a severely sprained groin which sounds severely awful. Sizemore has elbow synovitis from "extending his elbow over and over again." TOO MUCH MACARENA. Cabrera's shoulder separated even though it had previously vowed to stay together for the kids. Ha. The Indians.
- Scott Hairston, Padres: Hairston strained his left bicep. The most devastating part of the injury are the scores of women now stranded on Pacific Beach with no idea how to get to the gun show.