What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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It's a veritable M*A*S*H unit out there, people! Especially in the nurses' office at CitiField. You Mets are snake-bitten. Let's get right to it.

  • Jeff Bennett, Braves: After giving up a go-ahead, two-run single to A-Rod on Wednesday night, Bennett punched a door in the hallway just outside the dugout and broke the fifth metacarpal on his hand. Pretty normal for a caveman athlete, right? BUT THEN BENNETT PUSHED THE BONE BACK IN PLACE AND CAME OUT TO PITCH THE NEXT INNING. I may have a higher IQ than Bennett but I sit here in awe of the utter manliness of someone strong enough and dumb enough to do something like that. Fifteen day deel.

  • Adam Dunn, Nationals: Any time a baseball slugger is forced to sit out because of a wrist injury, I think about how much power goes through the wrists during a swing. I have enough trouble getting my girlish wrists to type up a liveglog, so I feel the big guy's pain. So does Joe Beimel.

  • Evan Longoria, Rays: Sure, he may lead the balloting for third base in the All Star Game voting results, but the little fella needs to be handled with kid gloves when his hamstring starts to burn a bit. His right hammy kept him out of the lineup last night but he should be good to go for the Rays huge intrastate weekend series vs Los Marlinos.

  • Josh Outman, Athletics: Dude's got a sprained left elbow, similar to an injury he had back in high school. The rookie pitcher is cruising with a 3-1 record and a tidy 3.48 ERA but methinks this smells of Dr. James Andrews territory. The A's have used the disabled list about as frequently as Jason Giambi uses the drive-thru board at Arby's.

  • Matt Lindstrom, Marlins: Another WBC casualty?!? Another sprained elbow? Another injury for Florida's closer, who missed part of spring training with an ouchie rotator cuff? Lindstrom has converted 14 of 16 save opportunities but that 6.52 ERA is as glaring as his 100 MPH fastball. Or his collection of 1960s Swedish art movies on 16mm film. Oh Ingmar Bergman, you card.

  • Brian Giles, Padres: Baseball's least valuable player is actually more valuable to his team while on the deel. Ol' Frankie Tansalot will miss at least a coupla weeks with a knee contusion. Let me get over my fear of heights and inch out forward on this wobbly tree limb: Brian Giles career is D-U-N done.

  • David Bush, Brewers: David and Bush missed his first start in his professional career yesterday and he'll probably miss his second and third and fourth and fifth. Bush suffered a micro-tear in his triceps and won't come back until after the All Star break. With Manny Parra already demoted to the minors, the Brewers rotation is beginning to look a bit Ueckeresque.

  • Carlos Beltran, Mets: Carlos will seek a second opinion on his balky knee since he trusts the Mets medical staff about as much as the state of South Cackalacky trusts its governor. RELEVANT TOPICAL HUMOR ALERT.

  • Ervin Santana, Angels: This guy's been hurt more this year than a hyper-emotional middle schooler with an acne problem. Dude's got tightness in his forearm, which can't be good for a pitcher but can be loosened up with some good ol' fashioned yo-yo action.

  • Daisuke Matsuzaka, Red Sox: I'd blame the WBC for this one, too, but I'd rather stick it to a combination of overuse during his Japanese career and Dice-K's obsession with Tiger Woods Golf on the Wii. That shit's addictive!

  • Eric Byrnes, Diamondbacks: Scott Feldman did us all a great disservice, breaking Eric Byrnes' hand with a pitch and sending him to the DL for 4-to-8 weeks; with so much free time on his hands, Byrnes will be sure to pop up during nationally televised baseball games to irk us.

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When I was an acne-riddled teen I suffered forearm tightness as well, especially after discovering that the cable company didn't actually scramble the Spice network all that well. Unlike Magic Carlos, I played through the pain.

Wilco was better with that Braves pitcher.

Because I'm a Braves fan and I don't want anyone to gain any respect or admiration for the terror that is Jeff Bennett, I'd just like to point out that he broke the bone in his non throwing hand, and when he came out the next inning he gave up a home run to the first batter he faced. Also he gave up the homer to Nick Green on the first pitch of the bottom of the 9th in the Red Sox' walk off win over the Braves on Sunday.

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