Whispers of Immortality: Today's Afternoon Games

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Thursdays are the new Wednesdays. I've finally accepted this fact. No official glog today so feel free to play around in the comments with your updates. Let's get right into the huge list of daytime playtimes:

  • Braves at Reds, 12:35PM EDT: Phenom Tommy Hanson packed his strikeout pitch along with a ham sandwich and a Yoo Hoo in a crumpled brown bag, so watch out, Reds batters. Especially the five of you on pace to strike out 90+ times this year. Didn't Dusty Baker teach you patience? Isn't patience the most important aspect in fishing?

  • Blue Jays at Phillies, 1:05PM EDT: The Phillies throw Joe Blanton to the wolves as they seek to avoid the broom at home against the Roy Halladay-less Blue Jays. Raul Ibanez was just put on the disabled list with an allergic reaction to the massive dosage of steroids so John Mayberry was called up to take his spot in the outfield. This game will probably be rained out and should prove to be impossible to reschedule.

  • Nationals at Yankees, 1:05PM EDT: The Nationals haven't won a series since April and have barely even had the opportunity to do so. Today, the only two things that stand in their way are Joba Chamberlain and the pouring rain. Hey, a two-game split is a moral victory for Manny Acta nowadays. If the game actually happens, look for rook pitcher Craig Stammen to baffle Yankee hitters and collect his first major league victory.

  • Pirates at Twins, 1:10PM EDT: Nick "Gasm" Blackburn takes the hill for his eighth afternoon start on the season. He's 2-1 with a 2.40 ERA during the day and 3-1 with a 4.54 ERA at night. Of course, this game is in the Metrodome so the only real difference between night and day is the amount of booze the chubby white gals have consumed by first pitch. The Pirates haven't won an interleague road series since 2003 but this is totally Pittsburgh's year, so expect the unexpected! Like an enormous T-Rex breaking through the roof of the baggiedome

  • White Sox at Cubs, 2:20PM EDT: Our hero of the working class Carlos Zambrano takes the mound with a tidy 0.86 ERA in his last three starts. Of course, he's only won a single game in that stretch thanks to the morose Cubbie offense. Really, who would have thought Derrek Lee, Milton Bradley, and Alfonso Soriano would all fall off a steep cliff in the same year? It must have something to do with the Zicam scare. They can't smell a strike.

  • Rays at Rockies, 3:10PM EDT: It's Raystober in Roxjunuary! Jesus I have no idea what month it is or who is playing well. At least I know a game between Matt Garza and Ubaldo Jimenez proves to be an excellent duel of hard-throwing, hard luck pitchers, both of whom have never faced the opposing squadron. This will either be a tidy 2-1 game or a 27-22 slugfest.

  • Mariners at Padres, 3:35PM EDT: Josh Geer! Brandon Morrow! Major League Baseball requires that every game on the schedule be played even if both teams would rather just spend the day shopping in La Jolla!

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Nats/Yanks looking like a 3 PM start, if it happens.

Marco Scutaro just walked and strolled right into second base without a throw or Phillie clue. HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS?

The Phillies get distracted by all that shiny gold on their fingers, so they miss throws sometimes.

I don't mean their rings, either. Charlie Manuel doubles as Goldust on his off days, and today was Carlos Ruiz's day to help him apply the paint.

As of this comment, it's not even 3:00 Eastern time and the Pirates-Twins game is through seven innings. Do they all have dinner reservations tonight or...?


Caveat: Nobody Cares About This Comment

I have no ties to Chicago and I'm starting Floyd and Zambrano on my fantasy team today. I've never watched a game before and actively cheered for nothing to happen but that's going on right now. It's a little bizarre.

Lot's of k's with both pitchers pitching a complete game and one of them giving up just an unearned run.

I'm starting Milton Bradley on three different fantasy teams. Nothing has happened for three months on that front.

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