Here's what happened in baseball last night when you once again gazed into the glassy-eyed stares of animatronic singing animals:
Phillies 3, Reds 2: A mid-afternoon live chat with inquisitive Yahoo readers must have sat well with Shane Victorino as the Flyin' Hawaiian knocked in the winning run in walkoff fashion for the Fightins. Jayson Werth's game-tying solo dong in the sixth was hit so hard, no questions were asked as to whether it'd leave the park.
Rays 10, Blue Jays 9: Ben Zobrist is 0-for-4 in his career against B.J. Ryan. I'm just sayin' is all. Big Zobie Zobes (my clever new nickname for the man leading the league in slugging) topped off his four-RBI sundae with a sweet and juicy walkoff single off recently-activated Jays closer Scott Downs. The 4+ hour game featured 19 runs, 31 hits, over 350 pitches, and innumerable cacophonous cowbell-toting hausfraus.
Red Sox 5, Athletics 4: Tim Wakefield is nothing more than a machine that spews knuckleballs and very un-fast fastballs and yet that machine now leads the American League in wins with eleven. Sure, wins are old-fashioned and don't always reflect a pitcher's true ability, but the 73-year-old Wakefield doesn't wake up at 4:30AM every fifth day, down a pint of prune juice, and show up to the park in an '89 Buick Skylark just to lose a hard-fought pitchers' duel. Dude shows up to win, and to get free Sweet N Low packets from the clubhouse coffee nook.
Mets 5, Dodgers 4: The Mets finally broke their days-long scoreless drought and even collected an extra base hit or two! Five runs! Wowie! They're like the '27 Yankees, except with more Dominicans. Oliver Perez returned from the minors in typical Oliver Perez form, walking only seven hitters in five innings. Sheesh. Manny's ninth-inning solo dong off K-Rod was too little, too late, just like the bid I just placed on Manny's grill.
White Sox 5, Indians 1: Jermaine Dye's three RBI and Jose Contreras' nine strikeout, six inning performance helped the ChiSox perch on the precipice of a sweep of the lowly Indians. Contreras has posted a sweet 2.06 ERA since returning from the DL a month ago; it's his second win in a week against Cleveland. Yes, those wins still count.