Phillies 22, Reds 1: There was so much history made in this game it's almost impossible to sort it all out. Let's just sum it up thusly: the Reds came to town and stunk up the joint so bad, Phillies fans for one night forgot how horrible their farts smell after eating directly out of the Phanatic's hot dog gun.
Athletics 6, Red Sox 0: Nomar's back, you guys. He snagged an RBI single in his gallant return to Fenway as youngster Brett Anderson outdueled oldster John Smoltz. Although I guess it's not really a duel when the losing pitcher gives up five runs in six innings and then has to retire to the clubhouse to take his cholesterol meds.
Royals 4, Tigers 3: In case of emergency, do not bring Fernando Rodney into a tie game late. Fella gave up the game winning tater tot to Royals sluggerino Mike Jacobs and the Tigertweetersphere was simply agog.
Rockies 1, Nationals 0: JASON MARQUIS HAS ELEVEN WINS AND JUST PITCHED A SHORT SHUTOUT. KILL IT. KILL IT DEAD.
Astros 4, Pirates 1: Mike Hampton has five wins and Miguel Tejada is an All Star. It's like I've died and gone to 2002.