Jason Kendall Will Call You Whatever He Damn Pleases, Mr. Bellyflop

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During last night's brutal Pittsburgh/Milwaukee tilt, Brewers pitcher Chris Smith hit Pirates pitcher Jeff Karstens with a seemingly unintentional beanball. This led to a bench-clearing non-brawl where no punches were thrown and no hard feelings were consummated. This isn't hockey, people.

During the brawl, Pirates pitching coach Joe Kerrigan had to restrain Karstens from attacking Smith while Brewers catcher Jason Kendall held Smith back from doing something dumb, until Kendall started jawing and being dumb himself, which led to Prince Fielder restraining Kendall and the benches and bullpens clearing. It was like watching a square dance. A SQUARE DANCE ON ACID.

So, what caused Jason Kendall to go all screwy? Well, let's allow Kendall to explain in the clearest way possible:

"It was fine until Dave Kerwin," Kendall said, referring to Kerrigan. Kendall continued to call Kerrigan by that incorrect name -- seemingly on purpose -- even after being promptly corrected.

"I can take a lot, but I'm not going to get yelled at," he continued. "Dave Kerwin started yelling at me...."

When asked what he thought made Kerrigan so mad, Kendall responded: "I don't know. Dave Kerwin? I have no idea."

Who the heck is Dave Kerwin? And how did the MLB.com writer know how to spell this mysterious person's last name? Couldn't it have just as easily have been "Kirwin"?

Jason Kendall is either sinisterly devious or just another scatter-brained catcher who has suffered one too many collisions at home plate. He reminds me of the dopey Angela character from the TV show "Mr. Belvedere", the best friend of Heather who could never get Mr. Belvedere's name right and would call him Mr. Bellyflop or Mr. Butterfinger. Oh, that Angela! She'll never learn!

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Jason Kendall is not keeping Brocktoon in the basement, I'll tell you that much.

Maybe Kerrigan aka Kerwin kept calling Kendall "Ken-doll".

I saw this LIVE on mlbtv last night. Apparently, the Karstens "beaning" (it was downright gentle) was in retaliation for Karstens beaning Ryan Braun in Braun's first AB after he homered off Karstens during A GAME IN APRIL.

Karstens took exception, yelled "What the fuck...?", and Kendall got in front of him and yelled at him to get his ass to first base. Then the dugouts emptied for the acid-fueled square dance.

I then flipped over to Mythbusters.

Other potential spellings include, "Kurwin" which is how the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette referred to the mysterious interloper.

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