Omar Vizquel Leads to Huge Breakthrough in Serial Wallaby Rapes

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Texas Rangers shortstop Omar Vizquel is a veritable Renaissance man, having won several Gold Gloves in his career AND established himself as quite the post-modernist painter. Still, the revelation that Omar keeps three pet kangaroos in his Seattle home have led me to this 2007 human interest piece on and a huge breakthrough in one of Walkoff Walk's most penetrating mysteries:

Vizquel's zoo includes chinchillas, llamas and wallaroos (a combination of a kangaroo and wallaby). The wallaroos were hopping around as the cameras rolled.

Holy moses! Omar Vizquel is breeding wallabies and kangaroos and all sorts of bizarre Australian animals for his gang of roving marsupials! This is a brand new twist in the case of the serial wallaby rapist that has plagued baseball stars since February of last year. Rickie Weeks demands vengeance! Mike Hampton too! Same with Garret Anderson and Terry Steinbach and Chien-Ming Wang and countless others.

But more importantly, isn't keeping a kangaroo in Seattle akin to having a penguin in Fort Lauderdale?

(picture stolen without a shred of permission from the good folks at With Leather)

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A wallaroo? What's next? Manbearpig?

Wallaroos eat nothing but broccoflower.

Omar Vizquel breeds herds of unnaturally soft animals.

Omar Vizquel is renowned for having one of the softest gloves in recent MLB history.


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