Pedro a Philadelphia Phillie if Pitcher Passes Physical

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pedrophillies.jpg Hey, look, everybody's got the news! NBC 10's John Clark. Jayson Stark. Jon Heyman. John Finger. DPOSTM's own Ken Rosenthal. And Todd Zolecki brings word from St. Louis the Phillies are open to bringing in Pedro Martinez.

Yes, it appears Pedro Martinez will be a Philadelphia Phillie by the end of the All-Star Break, despite the protests of several columnists. Will this lead to Phillies destroying the NL East and the return of profitability to Bob's Stores (pictured)? Eh, maybe, if only because the Phillies are probably going to win the NL East anyway. Even Baseball Prospectus gives them a 60% chance to win the East.

The Phillies could definitely use pitching; the team's ERA has hovered in the fives and high-fours all season. You'll note it's been improving. The Phillies are maybe looking for what the Mets got out of Martinez in 2007 (3-1, 2.57 ERA); they would like to take it without a huge September collapse.

Of course, there are the caveats: Martinez didn't have a good 2008. He might only be able to go six innings or so each start. But he also has been off MLB's radar since the end of last season and has probably not been drug tested. I'm actually not even sure if he was even subject to drug tests in the last nine months or so.

You know where I'm going here. Pedro Martinez' fastball was hitting 93 in simulated games for the Phillies, according to reports. Unlike bloggers who actually didn't say certain Phillies were on performance enhancing drugs, I'm going to wildly speculate that I am positive Pedro Martinez is back in the game due to the effects of steroids, human growth hormone, Zyrtec, LASER eye surgery, Dr. David Friendly's cleanse diet, Gatorade, cortisone shots, muscle rubs, the spirits of now-deceased dwarves and that ephedrine-free Ripped Fuel/Bronkaid mix we're all reduced to taking now.

For Phillies fans, this is kind of weird. When's the last time the Phillies have actually landed a huge name mid-season? And no, Joe Blanton doesn't count.

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Phantastic, perfect post!

I needed help from the Electric Company's Silhouette Sounder Outers to pronounce the f'n p's and p'n f's!

Yes I do know where you are going here.

Yes I do know where you are going here.

Damn, I fixed my typo so quickly but I knew I'd still get hit for it.

I am sorry, I didn't see that you wrote this post. I figured it was Rob. He is a lot more fun to make fun of.

Oh, no, it was most certainly deserved.

How easy is it to make fun after that sweep last week, you Midwestern hausfrau?

When's the last time the Phillies have actually landed a huge name mid-season?

Bud Smith, fresh off his no-hitter.

Looks like Rob stocked up on piss and vinegar when he was down in Philly. It's not a euphemism, that's the secret sauce in which they marinate the meat for Schmitters.

Martinez' meatiness makes mates marvel.

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