Ryan Braun Earns Deputy Badge in General Managing

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After his Brewers squadron lost three of four to the rival Cubs over the weekend, Milwaukee slugger Ryan Braun took to the media to call out his team's pitching. You see, the Cubs have Ted Lilly, Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster, while the Brewers are stuck with guys like Seth McClung.

Sez the Hebrew Hammer:

"They threw the ball a lot better than our starters did," said Braun. "All four guys we saw in this series are No. 1, worst-case, No. 2 type starters. They make big pitches in big situations. You're not always going to get hits in those situations."

In the process, he sassed the higher-ups who have basically been sitting on their hands as the Brew Crew sends a bunch of chuckleheads to the mound on the four days when stud Yovani Gallardo ain't pitching:

"We're at the point right now where it would be important for us to go out there and acquire somebody," Braun said. "I think [management] would be more inclined to do that if we're winning."

Burn! Brewers G.M. Doug Melvin, who once ripped a man's heart right out of his chest cavity, was none too pleased and expressed his distaste for player-on-management crime in a phone call with the Journal Sentinal's own Tom Haudricourt:

"It was inappropriate for him to say what he said, and I'm not happy about it," Melvin said. "To make the statements he made and also get on his teammates like that, it was irresponsible on his part. It just ticked me off."

"We all work every day from 9 a.m. to midnight, and basically 12 months a year," said Melvin, referring to his baseball staff. "I'll be glad to have Ryan help if he wants to. I'll give him a badge and he can be my deputy."

Double burn! Still, I don't blame Braun for getting frustrated with his situation. After all, he signed a lowball eight-year contract last season that wipes away the first few years of free agency in order to help Milwaukee build a winner. But after the team went bye-byes in the playoffs and Ben Sheets and CC Sabathia went bye-byes in free agency, Braun looked around the locker room and said, "How are we supposed to get back to the promised land with Jeff freakin Suppan?" Pin on that badge, Ryan, and start making some calls.

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Maybe Ryan's ticked off that his "screaming skull" and "sword-piercing a heart with an eyeball" graphic T-shirts are not selling as well as he'd expected in a down economy.

Anyone who sells graphic t-shirts like he does deserves bad things to happen to him.

Ryan would prefer his badge be bedazzled.

"After all, he signed a lowball eight-year contract last season"

That was a joke right. The guys arm could fall off tomorrow and he will still get 45 million dollars.

Melvin = Rosco P. Coltrane
Braun = Enos Strate

Bernie Brewer = Daisy Duke?

Forget it, Jake. It's Milwaukee.

My grandpa Bernie always liked to remind me that Boss Hogg went to Yale.

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