This Mascot Relay Race Is the Biggest Clusterf**k I Have Ever Seen

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Unless you've got an insatiable love for baseball and furries, this video probably won't excite you. Here's the official 2009 All Star Mascot relay race, featuring a combination of dizzy bat, sack-racing, and sweaty, costumed, anthropomorphic weirdos:

Three things I learned from this: (1) I am glad that the Philly Phanatic was simply too cool to participate in this nonsense (2) Stomper, the Oakland A's elephant mascot, is a total cheat for not properly donning the burlap sack and (3) Mr. Red's crazy meth eyes are really from doing too much meth. Dude tackled the crap out of Fredbird in his meth-addled rage. What a jerk.

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Vidoes like that make me even more happy that the Yankees don't have a mascot.

I thought Steinbrenner was the Yankee's mascot. You know, the big jowls and funny face.

I thought A-rod was the Yankee's mascot. You know, the small balls and pouty face.

Needs more Cave Shrimp.

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