What's Up, Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

| | Comments (3)

creampuffshirt.jpgMany creampuffs are eying the All-Star break as an opportunity to extend their creampuffery. Planning your injuries around holidays will throw off the algorithms but it's pretty much the basis of work as we all know it.

  • Chipper Jones/Kelly Johnson Braves: Ole Chip is day-to-day with a strained groin. He's only going to take a knee for a day or two and should be available for pinch hitting duties if need be. Whatever Skip needs! Kelly Johnson isn't so lucky and will require a trip to DL with an injured wrist. That's okay, he's been terrible.

  • Randy Johnson, Giants: Randy hurt his 43 year old arm swinging the bat and booting the ball around in the field in a lame, 43 year old attempt to field his position. More time for Johnson to reflect on his own greatness.

  • Torii Hunter/Vlad Guerrero, Angels: The official injury reports list "strained abductor" and "ouchy knee" but the "Old Man-itis" is tearing through the Angels like a pneumonia through a retirement community. Vlady took a wrong step before falling to his hands and needs, furiously pressing his Lifecall medallion until the trainer arrived on scene. Both men await results from MRIs and urine samples. Always with the urine samples.

  • Ronny Belisario, Dodgers: Surprisingly excellent set up man Belisario heads to the DL with a right elbow strain. Wait a minute, an effective right handed bullpen arm leads the team in appearances right up until his elbow explodes? Dr James Andrews should give Joe Torre a sailboat. Losing Belisario from the bullpen throws off the key "skinny guy leading to fat guy" dynamic that' gives the Dodgers to the best pen in the league.

  • Lil Davey Eckstein, Hank White, Padres: Two very old, very average dudes hit the DL with strained right hamstrings. The only other thing hamstrung in San Diego is their ability to evaluate talent. Pulling two good Navymen off the streets of San Diego and inserting them into the Pods lineup won't change the Friars lot in life. Noted nerd Paul DePodesta is currently petitioning the National League to allow Blanco & Eckstein to hit in tandem behind Adrian Gonzalez. He'll still walk three times a night.

  • Chien-Ming Wang, Yankees: Raped by the most popular wallaby in New York.

  • Geovany Soto/Ryan Dempster, Cubs: Paired Creampuff Craziness! Soto's come down with the dreaded oblique strain and his status for the weekend is a deep, dark secret. That's never a good sign Cubs fans, believe you me. Ryan Dempster broke his toe doing something idiotic, much to the delight of a goony kid with expensive seats. Dempster moves to the 15 day DL, forcing his brutal Harry Caray impression to the 60 day DL to make room on the 40 man roster of hilarity.

PREVIOUS: Walkoff Walk to Witness Pedro Martinez' First Phillies Start?   |   NEXT: New MLB Software Rates Defense: Adam Dunn is So Totally Screwed

3 Comments

The Padres were going to hit the bees seventh until that asshole came out with his can of spray.

Raped by the most popular wallaby in New York.

A Tinsley Mortimer sighting, on WoW no less!

Old Angel dudes on the deel just as the Jankees stroll into town?

CONSPIRACY

Leave a comment