What's Up, Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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creampuffshirt.jpgHeading into the dog days we can expect a full MASH unit of Creampuffs looking for rest and relaxation before the pennant drives. Barry Zito calls dibs on the cross-dresser hoping for a dishonorable discharge!

  • Jason Marquis, Rockies: The shock league leader in wins will miss his scheduled start on Friday due to a blister on his throwing hand. Rockies manager Jim Tracy doesn't want the blister to burst; lest a single drop of the divine lifeforce which commandeered Marquis's body to guide him through a inexplicable season spill.

  • Jose Guillen, Royals: Guillen sprained his right knee putting on his shinguard in the on deck circle Wednesday. That's a trip to the DLOL, Jose. I'm going to assume that sucks too.

  • Franklin Gutierrez, Mariners: Let this be a lesson to you, kids: if you're planning to chase halfway across Michigan to catch a fly ball, don't. The surprise WAR king of centerfield is day-to-day with what was first described as "contusions to the knee and elbow" but soon revised to "face and shoulder injury." Hopefully Gutierrez will heed the Ancient Warnings of Ankiel.

  • Manny Ramirez, Dodgers: Day-to-day with a bruised left hand suffered after being hit by a pitch. I think he'll be okay.

  • Vicente Padilla, Eddie Guardado, Omar Vizquel, Rangers: Three of a growing army of Rangers players felled by disease within days. Looks like the team trip to Dengue City over the all star break wasn't such a hot idea. The spirit animal that visits Rangers casualties during fever dreams finally accumulated enough Marriot points to earn a free portable DVD player!

  • Rich Aurilia, Giants: Getting old sucks. Plucking nose hairs, trimming ear hairs, digging out your ingrown toe nailWHOOPS, looks like old man Aurillia is behind in his manscaping. More accurately, Rich has fallen behind in his baseball offense-creation hygene. Aurilia is non-plussed over being Creampuffed, refusing to sign a waiver allowing medical personal to discuss the injury. When Creampuff status is forced on you &mdash we all lose.

  • Jason Giambi, A's: The A's aging DH is out with a strained quad, the same injury that knocked their 2008 aging DH out for most of last season. It's either something in the East Bay or something about signing 40 year olds that is really catching up with Billy Beane.

  • Dustin McGowan, Blue Jays: Double Stuffed Creampuff! McGowan, already out for the year with a torn labrum, suffered damage to the meniscus in his left knee during rehabilitation workouts after his shoulder surgery! The tragic yin to Rocco Baldelli's Tommy-John-required-while-rehabbing-a-blown-knee yang.

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refusing to sign a waiver allowing medical personal to discuss the injury.

Which means the 'toe injury' is code for Wallaroo Rape.

Last time I commented on someone's infected toe, Icarane gave me the business. He put his toe WHERE?!

Tony Kubek once spent three entire innings talking about Tommy John's yang. Very uncomfortable, that was.

Don't forget Lance! Berkman blew out a Birkenstock and borked his calf. Deeltime is Fifteen.

Yeah, Berkman is the last of the Killah Bees to go down. First Bags and Biggio hang 'em up, then Inspectah Deck chips a tooth, and now this.

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