Baseball Before Bedtime: Time Bomb

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What happened in baseball last night while you were burned out by battles you thought you'd won

Diamondbacks 6, Pirates 0. Yusmeiro Petit took a no-hitter into the seventh inning before giving up a single to Ronny Cedeno; he ended up throwing eight innings of one-hit ball. Ryan Roberts hit a pair of homers for the D-Backs. Zach Duke took the loss to drop to 9-10. As usual, it is easier to toss no-hit ball when the game is being simmed in Triple Play Baseball '97.

Rays 4, Red Sox 2. Evan Longoria hit his second homer of the night with two outs in the bottom of the 13th. I really can't top the commentary of Yahoo! Sports user "jpimpsalot89" (maybe not work-safe) on the AP recap, so I won't even try. There is also big drama among Yankees and Red Sox fans on the Yahoo! comment threads; someone made a racist remark, someone threatened to sue! Everyone is 14.

Nationals 6, Marlins 4. Adam Dunn may not be able to field anymore, but he can still hit the ball a mile. Big Donkey hit a 2-run homer to cap a 6-run eighth inning for the Nats; Washington won its third straight to improve to... 35-72. Yikes.

Cardinals 12, Mets 7. Albert Pujols homered in the eighth to start a rally, then capped it with a grand slam in the top of the 10th as the Cardinals handed the Mets yet another frustrating loss. Frustrating for Mets fans, of course; for everyone else it's quite hilarious.

Rockies 8, Phillies 3. Yeah, the Fightins got smoked, ending my personal CBP winning streak (it was at 8). More on this game later, but it was a snoozer for a Phils fan. Garrett Atkins had 4 RBI and also hit a bomb of a homer to left field.

Dodgers 17, Brewers 4. Dodgers won big. Manny Ramirez had a homer and a two-run double. Whatever. After the game Prince Fielder attempted to go into the Dodgers' clubhouse to go after Guillermo Mota, who hit him earlier. But, somehow, he was held back. Tonight's game is going to be fun!

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The wars of the future will be fought by Yahoo commenters. And YouTube commenters. Preferably against each other. And televised.

You can read about these suggestions and more in my forthcoming manifesto (HarperBooks, 2011) entitled Make These Idiots Kill Each Other Violently So I Don't Have To Read Them On My Internet.

MDT's an elitist.

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