Cat Stairs Not Ready For Majors Just Yet

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About a year ago I wondered aloud to my girlfriend if a cat would fetch a ball. She laughed at the idea. Naturally, I immediately got to work attempting to teach Sarah's cat (Captain Walker, aka Cat Stairs) to fetch a ball.

It was surprisingly easy. Walker almost immediately started chasing after whatever little ball I'd throw, and would bring it back in her mouth for me to toss again. She loves fetching her ball. Hold a ball in the air and she's immediately at attention; if she hasn't chased a ball across the room recently she does this little meow, or sometimes she'll just open her mouth and not make any sound. It's just so cute.

Ahem. Anyway: Yes, I was right, and my girlfriend was wrong, maybe the only time in the relationship where this was the case. Of course, now little Walker will paw Sarah and me in the middle of the night, holding a ball in her mouth. (Sometimes we'll wake up and there will be three or four balls all on the bed.) Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Point is, I had this all planned out: I was going to film Cat Stairs chasing after a little foam baseball and post it on the site this week. It'd have everything a blogger needs for a good post: a cat (the Internet loves 'em!), having someone else do all the real work for you (in this case, the cat), et cetera. Last Christmas I bought a little Phillies shirt for Walker from a boutique. All I had to do was get the shirt on her, dress up Sarah's wall like an outfield fence with green construction paper and -- voilĂ ! -- instant Internet gold.

I'm writing this today to let you know I failed, people. Cat Stairs was not ready to put on the Phillies shirt; the above photo is as close as we got to putting it on her. Clearly, she knows better than us: She doesn't want to get called up too early and mess up her career when she doesn't get enough at-bats with the big league squad.

For now, Cat Stairs is a Lehigh Valley Iron Pig. If she ever finally gets that big league uniform on, Walkoff Walk will be the first to report it.

What? Hey, Rob said I could post anything I wanted this week.

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If you're wondering (and I know you are), it's an American Apparel animal shirt. Obviously.

He still plays a better outfield than Manny

If it's an American Apparel shirt, make sure you get the right size. Those shirts run small. An AA "small dog" size might do the trick.

American Apparel? You know, the cat does have a swarthy, underage look to it. Makes sense.

1. Take pictures of cat in Phillies shirt.
2. ...
3. Profit!

I'm rolling in dough already.

note to self: don't eat the biscuits

In which Dan McQuade discusses the present state of baseball movies and the feline condition.

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