Chipper Jones Mexican Murder Mystery

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chipperandhisdearfriend.jpg

Okay, spoiler alert: there's really no mystery and not a shred of murder intrigue here. A hopeful Mexican immigrant perished in the extreme Texas heat and just happened to drop dead on Chipper Jones' massive 10,000-acre ranch. After a ranch foreman stumbled upon the dead 22-year-old on the 83rd straight day of 100+ degree heat in South Texas, Chipper's dad Larry Senior phoned the police first and his son second.

But still, when the headline in the Atlanta Journal Constitution reads "Body found on Chipper Jones' ranch," there is a 100% chance that Walkoff Walk is going to jump to conclusions and assume Chipper finally crossed over from hunting deer with a bow-and-arrow to hunting humans with said device.

After all, the Double Dime Ranch is no peaceful resort:

The ranch is nestled in the heart of the "Golden Triangle", a South Texas hunter's paradise... In 2004, the ranch was opened to a limited number of sportsmen for exceptional hunting and recreational opportunities...The Double Dime has a fully automated skeet range, a rifle range, and stocked tanks for fishing.

Yeah that sounds like a relaxing place to hang out.


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6 Comments

They use tanks to fish? SWEET!

No Country for Brittle Old Men

TWO WEB PAGES ABOUT ME IN TWO DAYS I AM LIKE YOUR VERSION OF BRET FARVE YOU CAN CALL ME LARRY PAGEHITS I GUESS I MEAN IT MAKES SENSE I HAVE DOZENS OF HITS ON THE FIELD SO WHY WOULDNT I RAKE ON THE INTERNET TOO

AS FAR AS THE SUBJECT ON HAND GOES IT JUST DONT FEEL RIGHT POKIN FUN AT A MAN WHO HAS GONE ON TO THAT BIG RANCH IN THE SKY YOU KNOW AND NO I DONT MEAN MY VACATION HOME IN THE MONTANAS I MEAN HEAVEN AND GOD. ALL I CAN SAY ON THE MATTER IS THAT I AM THANKSFUL FOR MY OLD MAN AND THE WAY HE HANDLED THE DISFORTUNATE TURN OF ACTIONS DOWN THERE

Speedy Gonzales? NOOOOOOO!!!!

When I die, I want Chipper to write my eulogy. Jose Lima can read it.

I GUESS I MEAN IT MAKES SENSE I HAVE DOZENS OF HITS ON THE FIELD SO WHY WOULDNT I RAKE ON THE INTERNET TOO

+1 Chipper I mean Larry Pagehits

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