No Room For Old Farts in Philly Unless You Have 3 Cy Young Awards

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Perhaps it was destined to be this way for the old crafty pitcher, back in the same building he started his career, finally facing the grim specter of death in the form of a cherub-faced general manager. Youth is so oppressive and Jamie Moyer knows it.

The 46-year-old veteran was told yesterday that he'd no longer be welcome in the Phillies starting rotation now that the team had hired Pedro Martinez, not just another old dude but an old dude with three Cy Young awards in his china cabinet. Moyer feels that he was promised by ownership that he'd be a starter for the entirety of the 2009 season and he was careful but curt with his words of rebuttal:

"I'm really not happy with this decision that the Phillies have made," Moyer said. "I will take what they've asked me to do, but I'm not real excited about the decision that's been made."

"I feel like I've been misled," Moyer said. "I'm a little disheartened a little bit because I know this past winter when I was negotiating with the Phillies, this was a sore thumb, if you will, about this potentially happening. Ruben, you can't promise anything in this game, but I really felt that Ruben kind of parlayed to me that this type of situation would not happen.

"I actually even had some conversation with David [Montgomery], and them reassuring me this type of situation won't happen. Again, I'm a little disheartened by the way it's happened, how it's happened."

Montgomery, the team president, and Amaro were not in Chicago to respond to Moyer's sad soliloquy. And really, they'd be better off handling something like this in private. It's better to deal with the elderly on a man-to-man level, behind closed doors so as not to excite them too much and cause some sort of stroke or heart failure.

But seriously, folks, ageism is real, even when a 46-year-old pitcher (Moyer) loses a job to a 58-year-old pitcher (Pedro). Nowadays in this recession that Lehman Brothers caused, jobs are hard to come by and it seems that once an old dude loses his job, it's curtains. Moyer's lucky that he still has part-time work and retains all his benefits, especially the ones that pay for home delivery of diabetes testing supplies. After all, if he had gotten fired outright, what contending team out there would be desperate enough for starting pitchers to take on such an old fart?

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Moyer tried to keep his spot in the starting rotation, but Amaro was too concerned with his new reel-to-reel dictation machine.

Amaro was also concerned with every other Moyer pitch landing 600 feet from home plate.

Seriously, Jamie? If you had half a brain, you'd compute that Pedro's chances of making more than two consecutive starts are about one in six trillion. Keep your head down and be ready in two weeks.

In addition to not giving you Moyer's shitty season stats, I neglected to mention that Jamie has a reasonable 4.40 ERA since mid-May. So really, does he deserve this? No. But he's old enough to realize that life isn't fair. And old enough to remember the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

The biggest problem I have is the fact that a 46 year old man is still using the name Jamie.

If it's a good enough name for Jamie Gumb...

Somebody killed a crappy Scottish rock band?

But really, let's reign it in a bit here, Pappy. You got your ring, got to dig the pitching rubber out of the mound to take home and use as a planter, and then were gifted a couple mil to come out for one last final ever swan song. And what did you do with it? You produced the second-lowest ERA+ of your career. Oh, and in your 10 wins? The Phils scored an average of 7.1 runs per game for you. And in your 9 losses? They only scored 2.5 rpg. Basically, you had no impact on those 19 games. Good work. You totally still deserve that rotation spot. RESPECK

They can all go to hell, except for cave seventy-six!

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