Gossip hausfrau Cindy Adams is employed by the New York Post to write...well...I'm not really sure what she does is considered writing. It's more like regurgitating nonsense onto a printed page, so sure, let's call her a gossip-mongering old bag. Anyway, because Alex Rodriguez is a high-profile New York celeb dating a high-profile Hollywood celeb who couldn't act her way out of pickle barrel, Cindy Adams simply must write about the couple.
But I don't recall the chapter in Journalism 101 where gossipy dowagers must speculate about the size of their subjects' genitalia. Cindy did just that after talking to one of her sources who sidled up to A-Rod in the powder room of an NYC resto:
Now, having seen Alex up close, I can tell you exactly about his face. Never having shared a urinal with him, I cannot tell you about his other varying parts. I am now told, however--and reliably so--that there are reasons he scores big in RBIs.
You dirty old lady! Not only did you make me lose my lunch, but you mixed metaphors and failed your double entendre. Sad old lady made me sad.