Rob really wanted to do a vacation liveglog, there are only so Guido Beach quotes one can take. Instead we'll tackle Albert Pujols engineering the Schaudenfraude Express right into Citifield!
How about some lineups?
Thoughts on the lineups? The Cards hit the pitcher ninth today, how avant garde. The Mets let Jeff Francoeur continue to hit. How novel. Frenchy has knocked three tater tots in the last few weeks, though he's hitting a sad little .204 over that stretch.
Today's starters are mighty Kyle Lohse and young Jon Niese. What's going to happen? Find out after the jump!
12:12: Much has been made about Pujols success with the bases loaded this season. More shocking: Julio Lugo is playing well! Shock of shocks. The exiled Red Sox leads off our game. Lugo hates my praise and strikes out for the first out.
12:14: Mark DeRosa, who will save the Cardinals we're told, also goes down on strikes quickly. BUT HE HAS 20 HOME RUNS. Too bad, he's vastly overrated. The underrated Albert Pujols steps in with two down.
12:16: Pujols turns on an inside fastball but gets it off the end of the bat. Spacious Citifield keeps it in the ballpark but just barely. The liner caroms off the wall so Pujols will have to settle for a double. He thought it was gone off the bat, that is his right.
12:17: Actual Midwest Messiah Matt Holliday steps in with a man on second and two outs. He's only standing for a few seconds, as he looped a broken bat flare behind the mound. Niese makes a nice over the shoulder catch to end the inning. No Score!
12:20: Kyle Lohse faces Angel Pagan to start the bottom of 1 for the Mets. Kyle Lohse is as vanilla a pitcher as I can think of. He does nothing special nor especially well. He can't even get Angel Pagan out, who just singled up the middle.
12:22: Alex Cora is the next contestant to be Lohsed. He shows bunt but thankfully doesn't, because wasted outs are dumb. He cracks it right to Thurston at second base. He blocks it forward where Lugo plucks it up and tags Pagan for the first out. Cora's on first for Davey Wright.
12:24: David Wright only has 7 home runs this year. 7. Total. His strikeout numbers are way up BUT THAT'S OKAY. He's looking at a 3-1 count.
12:25: Don't say I don't love you, Mets fans. Wright crushes an opposite field home run (right on cue) to the bullpen in right center field. That was is out of anybody's ballpark. 2-0 Mets, feel the excitement!
12:26: I can't believe Gary Sheffield is the clean up hitter on this team. Come back Carloses! Sheffield reaches out and rolls one to Lugo at short. Two down for some Irish guy named Murphy.
12:27: The night that Danny Murphy grounded out to end the first inning is my favorite Newfoundlander shanty. That'll do it for the first inning. Rick Ankiel's mustache is due up this inning! 2-0 through 1 inning!
12:30: July's player of the month (which we've been reminded of three times already) Ryan Ludwick leads off the second inning with a walk. The Cards claim three of the 4 player of the month honors in the National League. No pitchers though, shocking.
12:32: After showing bunt, Rick Ankiel does the next worse thing by grounding softly to the drawn in Murphy at first base. He cuts down the lead runner for the first out. One on and one down for Yadier Molina.
12:33: David Wright giveth, David Wright booteth away. Wright can't handle a bouncer right down the third base line so everybody's safe. Two on for Joe Thurston Dudley Moore.
12:35: LOLMETZ. Joe Thurston grounds into a tailor made 3-6-1 double play if Jon Niese had only stayed on the bag. He stretches but comes off first so we've got runners on the corners with 2 outs. And now Niese is hurt! He's stretching out his gams and will throw a practice pitch. OH NO! Niese went straight down after throwing his test pitch and is badly hurt. Bad news.
12:38: The Schaudenfraude Express reaches runaway status. Niese is carried off the field with a hamstring injury. Nelson Figueroa will take his time warming up to pitch for the Mets. Hide you children's virginal eyes!
12:42: Figueroa gets a gentle start to his work day with Kyle Lohse providing the opposition. A lazy fly ball that only a pitcher could hit will end the inning. Two runners are stranded. 2-0 Mets headed to the bottom of 2.
12:45: Frenchy leads off the second for the Mets. He lashes a base hit to keep his walkless streak alive. You can't teach a replacement level dog new tricks. One on for the catcher Schneider.
12:47: The Mets are laughably bad. 9 (now 10) guys on the disabled list will do that, but some of the corpses they're trotting out are embarrassing. Most of these guys wouldn't make the Royals. THE ROYALS!
12:49: The Mets love my scorn. Schneider drives one off the very large warning track in right center field that bounces into the bullpen for a ground rule double. Two on for Angel Berroa with nobody out.
12:50: Berroa grounds one into the drawn in infield. The Cards come home and erase Francoeur in a run down. Frenchy slide-collides with Lohse at the plate and hits him square in the face. They kiss and make up but Lohse is shaken. One down and two men on for the damn pitcher.
12:52: Dear God. The Cardinals bring everyone in to prevent Figueroa from dumping in a blooper. He responds by pounding one to deep left centerfield. Rick Ankiel is an obvious student of the Jim Edmonds School of Ridiculous Acting as he attempts to dive straight back for a ball that hits in him the heel. Mark it down as a triple for the long reliever and a 4-0 lead for the Mets.
12:54: Oh my LOL. Angel Pagan lines a ball directly at Ankiel, who promptly boots it. The run scores and Pagan is safe. Sad. 5-0 Mets Alex Cora is the next player in this epic Greek tragedy.
12:55: Finally an out! Cora pops a ball directly over third base that DeRosa gloves for the second out. Two down for Davey Wright. I'd be very concerned about Kyle Lohse and his future if I were a Cards fan. He's a bad pitcher pitching poorly. That doesn't bod well.
12:56: Hit parade! Wright lines a base hit to center field. Pagan goes first to third because he respects Ankiel's arm none. Runners on the corners for Sheffield.
12:58: The eternal battle between the indifferent force and the aging, ineffective object goes the way of the Lohse. Sheffield weakly grounds to Lugo who flips to second for the force. Inning over, 5-0 Mets. I'm sure they'll find a way to screw it up. Perhaps Mr. Met will climb atop the Pepsi sign with a sniper rifle.
1:00: Sorry Cardinals announce team, the Red Sox won the World Series IN SPITE OF Julio Lugo, not because of him. Julio has a powerful ally in Albert Pujols which makes we wonder if Lugo doesn't have some sort of development disability. It all comes together.
1:02: The fact that the Mets are winning this game makes me feel overdressed in my Liveglog blazer. This game gives off more of a "sun's out, gun's out" vibe.
1:04: Lugo pops out in foul territory and lets fly with an excellent string of profanity. Impressive. One down for Mark "ZOMG" DeRosa.
1:05: Noted fireballer Nelson Figueroa blows an 89 mph fastball right by Mark DeRosa. Chris Perez where have you gone? Two down for El Hombre!
1:08: Soooo, this Pujols kid is pretty good. This time Pujols hits a fastball off the wall in RIGHT field this time. It's another double and RISP chance for Matt Holliday. Like winning the RBI lottery, eh Matt?
1:10: I didn't realize that section of the second deck hangs over the field, kinda cool. Holliday strands Pujols with a fly to center. Going to the bottom of three, still 5-0 Mets.
1:12: Lohse faces Daniel Murphy to start the third. His pitches continue to ride up and out of the zone. Not good, even against the Mets.
1:15: Lohse battles back against Murphy, drawing a pop out. Francouer is next and he pounds a double to left field. He's 2 for 2, just like Albert Pujols. SUCK IT PENCILNECKS.
1:16: Two down now as the catcher Schneider bounces out to Thurston Howell at second base. Two down for Berroa so I'm just going to start writing the fourth inning stuff.
1:18: I forgot how things work here in National League. Angel Berroa is PITCHED AROUND to get to the pitcher's spot. I know I'd much rather have the leadoff man LEADING off the next inning. Runners on the corners for Figueroa.
1:20: Honestly? Kyle Lohse throws three straight balls to the pitcher that he wanted to face. Dave Duncan comes out to give him the "I'm a Genius" speech. No dice, Figueroa walks and that is it for Lohse. Two walks to the 8/9 hitters ON THE METS and Lohse is lucky to have a job.
1:22: All out of pitchers, the Cardinals opt to insert a medium sized refridgerator to pitch. I predict mixed results.
1:24: Icebox Reyes gloves a comebacker to end the inning. Some how the Mets didn't score. Headed to the fourth the score remains 5-0 Mets. Prediction time: Pujols puts a Reyes jersey on and hits in the pitcher's spot. Book it.
1:27: I should establish here and now that most of my hostility towards this game stems from the "high definition broadcast not available" graphic at the bottom of my screen. I don't take such things lightly. Lightly is how I would describe the pitch that just hit Ryan Ludwich in the forearm. He looks okay so one on for Rick Ankiel. He should just try to catch it if he wants to reach base. ZING!
1:30: Ankiel flies out to deep right field. The right field that never seems to end. This place is seriously huge. One down for Yadier Molina. PS:
Courtesy of Mets Fan Cajole Juice of The Somewhat Manly Nerd.
1:31: Yadier rolls into a tailor made 2. Inning over. 5 zip.
1:33: There is potential in a Mets/Cards game, perhaps the early start is sucking the player's collective will to live. Reyes retires Alex Cora for the first out and Tony LaLawyer is making a double switch.
1:40: Just what is a Hawksworth? Four balls to David Wright, apparently.
1:41: Poor Gary Sheffield. Inning ending double play and another dent in his legacy of craziness. Inning over, we're going to the fifth! 5 - niles crane.
1:42: Thurston! Leadoff basehit by the Sonic Second Sacker. Colby Rasmus will now hit in the pitcher's spot with Rick Ankiel taking the rest of the afternoon off. Additionally, Matt_T reports in the comments that Kyle Lohse is going through some personal problems and may leave the team after today's game. That's no good, get better Kyle.
1:45: Credit where it is due: Nelson Figueroa is pitching really well. The Cardinals don't seem to be making him work much, but he's throwing strikes and mowing down the Cardinals. As soon as I type that, Julio bloody Lugo gaps a double to left. Thurston stops at third and this almost looks like a rally! DeRosa (injured?) will try to keep it going.
1:47: Not a good at bat by DeRosa. He weakly pops out to shallow right field which won't cash either runner. Two down to Pujols and they aren't intentionally walking him!
1:50: The far more time consuming "unintentional intentional walk." Boo. Well hey, this is new. Rather than walk Pujols, Figueroa just plunks El Hombre on the right elbow. That can't great. Bases loaded for Midwest Messiah!
1:53: This at bat will go a long way to determining the excitement level of this game, I'd say if Matt Holliday didn't just strike out. Inning over, rally over, shutout in tact. Going to the bottom of 5, still 5-0
1:55: Lead off base hit for the Irish guy to bring up the free-swinging French guy. Blake Hawksworth gets a fielder's choice out of Frenchy on the second pitch of the at bat because his monocle fell out before the first pitch. One down for Schneider. One pitch at bats are fun. Two down for Berroa. DON't WALK HIM OVERMANAGIN TONY
1:58: That's the inning. I should have said that last update but Berroa did me the service of officially grounding into a fielder's choice. To the 6th. 5-oh!
2:00: I don't get to many movies anymore because I have a baby crawling all over my life, but if I had the chance I'd go to a G.I. Joe screening so I could berate all the people on their way in or out of the theatre. Fuck that. Ryan Ludwick fly out one down. KHALIL GREENE!!!!!!!!
2:02: It's okay Khaili, none of your teammates can hit Figueroa today either. Poor Khalil struck out for the second out of the inning. Yadier, among the finest fielding catchers in baseball, singles to right field.
2:06: I officially don't like Joe Thurston. With the count full, Thurston takes a close pitch and proceeds to heave the bat towards the dugout as he sprints to first before he hears the call. The ump rightfully rings him up to end the inning. Don't be that guy Joe Thurston. Inning over. Bottom of 6 ho!
2:10: The comments have ground to halt, perhaps my lackluster descriptions of this lackluster game is to blame. JEREMY REED HIT A DOUBLE, OH JOY!!!! I am going to beg for comments a different way though. I just got a new BBQ and need some good chicken recipes.
2:11: Another Mets run! Angel Pagan triples to right field to cash Reed. 6-0 Mets! A few more notes on the chicken recipes: I can't cook at all. The wife does alright, but we're hardly foodies. Be gentle.
2:13: Alex Cora deposits a base hit into right field to score Pagan making this laugher 7-0. David Wright almost gets beaned so both benches are warned. LaRussa comes out to argue, looking like he wants to get tossed.
2:18: Gary Sheffield is a bad man. After David Wright hits into a double play, Gary Sheffield pounds a singe to left field. No sooner had he touched first base did he call time and walk directly off the field. He's hurt, or surly, or something.
2:19: Danny Murphy ends the sixth inning and we're just getting started around here.
2:25: Beer can chicken you say? Very interesting. More interesting than this game, that is for sure. The top of seven sees Bobby Parnell strike out two and get a ground ball to draw this half to a quick close. This jam is done kids. I'm shutting this liveglog down and mothballing the blazer for another week. Thanks for all the comments, enjoy the rest of your afternoon. May you be pleasantly surprised.