What's Up, Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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newstretcher.JPGOne day late but these Dudes are getting Creampuffed all the same. If you plan on taking two long weeks away from baseball, you don't let the weekend stop you.

  • Erik Bedard, Mariners: We should just face facts and change this feature to "What's Up, Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt in Addition to Erik Bedard." Bedard came back off the list, made one aborted start, and jumped back onto the list. His shoulder is the culprit but the real casualty is his flagging trade value. Free agency may just fray his labrum even further.

  • Nate Schierhotlz, Giants: Another week, another wall banger on the Creampuff list. Schierholtz crashed into a chainlink outfield fence, bruising his hip causing internal bleeding! That must just be a fancy way of saying bad bruise, but I think he should retire anyway. Ruptured spleens can only be around the corner.

  • Ian Kinsler, Rangers: The studly second sacker is day-to-day with strained hamstrings suffered earlier this week. Based on the Ranger's financial strife, I think he may have strained his purse strings! AMIRITE?

  • Jeff Suppan, Brewers: The Year of the Oblique strikes again! This time the Brewers Opening Day starter feels the wrath of side pain. The Brewers are on the periphery of the Wild Card and NL Central races so losing Suppan can only help their case.

  • Brett Gardner, Yankees: The Yankees are one of the oldest and slowest teams in baseball, so being known as "the fastest Yankee" is akin to being "the most trusted Mets beat writer" or "assistant to the head meter-reader in Phenom Phenh. With Brett Gardner out with a broken thumb, the position is up for grabs! I predict a 3 heat run off between Hideki Matsui and Yogi Berra, the winner gets to keep the other's mountainous porn collection.

  • Scott Rolen, Reds: Raped in the cab of a dump truck by a Wallaby.

  • LaTroy Hawkins, Astros: SHINGLES. Hawkins isn't the only Astropuff but he's certainly the only one with shingles. No wonder Roy Halladay vetoed a trade to the state of Texas; it's the pitcher illness epicenter of the United States. Nobody wants to see their ace go down with Typhoid.

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Schierholtz, you dummy! Quit taking fielding tips from Rowand!

Said one source: "Everybody wanted to talk about Holland, Smoak, Feliz and Borbon."
I'm pretty sure we're not talkin base-a-balla any-more?

Fancier way of saying bruise: subdural hemotoma.

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