Forties-a-Poppin': Adam Dunn Has One True Outcome

| | Comments (7)

With just under four weeks left to go on the season, three true outcomes fella Adam Dunn has hit 35 home runs for a miserable Nationals team. But Adam Dunn is nothing if not consistent. In fact, Joe Morgan would be proud of his consistency. Adam Dunn is so consistent, he's about to collect exactly 40 homers for the fifth consecutive season. Not 41, not 42, but the tidy round number of 40. It's as if Dunn is a robot programmed to hit 40 home runs and then shut down à la Derek Bell.

Look, the statistics don't lie.

Reader Chris N. of Washington, D.C. Chicago wrote in to tell us of this statistical freakshow and I've kindly reproduced his passionate latter below, without a shred of permission, so I don't have to work very hard on this blog entry:

Think of it. Despite thousands of variables including a mid-season trade to a team that made him play in front of a swimming pool, having J.P. Riccardi go all J.P. Riccardi on him, and accepting the Nationals small pox blanket of a contract - Dunn has never wavered from what must be a profound subconscious need to hit exactly 40 home runs. A thousand butterflies have flapped two thousand wings, and still A.D.* is on pace for 40.

*I'm speculating here that Dunn's friends call him 'A.D.'

Still not sold on this story? Concerned it may not have "legs?" Well, what happens if, with a week left in the season, Dunn accidentally hits his 40th home run ahead of schedule? Yes, Adam Dunn is strong enough, and (according to Riccardi at least) ambivalent enough about baseball to accidentally hit a home run.

Will Jim Riggleman** have the fortitude to hold Dunn out for the sake of this streak? Will Dunn himself be forced to decide between playing hard or taking an On the Waterfront-style dive?***

**I had to look that up

***but unlike On the Waterfront, Dunn taking a dive would actually assure his greatness

If the decision is left up to Dunn, this would be my counsel:

"Look A.D., do you want to hit 42 home runs for a team that isn't going anywhere in meaningless late-season games against pitchers who should be in the minors...OR do you want to continue to be the author of the mind-bending statistical anomaly that is your only chance at baseball immortality?"

Thanks, Chris!

PREVIOUS: 9/9/09: A Tribute To Bill Mazeroski, Roger Maris and Ted Williams   |   NEXT: The Rock Cries Out to Us Today: Today's Afternoon Games


I'd be more impressed if he drank five 40's in one sitting.

Dunn: Sup Guz-man what you got on my 40?
Guzman: Man, I ain't got nothin'
Dunn: Nothin? Y'all some high rollers.

I think Adam Dunn doing an impression of Marlon Brando is pretty close to what the Samizdat from Infinite Jest would look like.

Forty-some dollars per person is also what it would have taken to have a mini-Heist in Adam Dunn's suite.

In 1997 Vinny Castilla duplicated his triple crown stats from the previous year.

I don't have a joke for that, I just thought it was relevant.

Adam Dunn's walk-up music continues to be "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. Maybe he can feel that 41st dinger coming in the air tonight, oh Lord. Oh Lord.

Seriously? Phil Collins?! What, was "You're The Inspiration" off limits?

Leave a comment