Whew! Wasn't that an exciting way to
waste spend three hours at work? I think so. The Twins topped the Tigers, 3-2, in 10 innings, moving Minnesota to only a game back of Detroit in the standings.
If things weren't bad enough for Tigers fans, they also have to listen to every stupid blogger who thinks he's a stand-up comedian write jokes about the bad Detroit economy. (Hey, with all that government cash coming in, do you think Washington's loss to the Lions on Sunday was a planned payback?)
Unfortunately for the Tigers fans reading this site, I'm also a stupid blogger who thinks he's a stand-up comedian. So let's make fun of the ads running behind home plate during today's Twins-Tigers game?
What should you do when you have a bad economy? Why, of course, run ads promising a million dollar payout in the lottery, the form of gambling with the worst possible odds that's not-so-coincidentally run by the government.
But wait, there's more!
Ahh, yes, here's an ad that should be run only at 3 a.m. on a crappy local station (e.g., ION Television). On the flip side, a bunch of Tigers fans probably have plenty of injuries after punching walls or throwing chairs with the way that game ended. They can get their injuries fixed just by calling 1-888-DYNAMIC!
Or, I guess, Tigers fans could better themselves by going to Detroit Mercy. There, they will no doubt learn "Great Things!" I went to a Mercy grade school -- we even celebrated Mercy Day! -- so I'm down with Detroit Mercy, but not so much with that slogan. Geeze, at least go with, "Mercy, Mercy me!"
Annnnnd we're back to the lottery. I see that in Michigan the ostensible goal of the lottery is to give money to schools. Here in Pennsylvania, the lottery "benefits older Pennsylvanians." Of course, we also have an anthropomorphic groundhog who plays for the Eagles that attempts to sell us scratch-off tickets. "Help the kiddies!" seems kind of quaint in comparison.
None of this, however, is as hilarious as the US Gold ad at Citi Field.