Detroit Suffers Through Tigers Loss, These Ads

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Whew! Wasn't that an exciting way to waste spend three hours at work? I think so. The Twins topped the Tigers, 3-2, in 10 innings, moving Minnesota to only a game back of Detroit in the standings.

If things weren't bad enough for Tigers fans, they also have to listen to every stupid blogger who thinks he's a stand-up comedian write jokes about the bad Detroit economy. (Hey, with all that government cash coming in, do you think Washington's loss to the Lions on Sunday was a planned payback?)

Unfortunately for the Tigers fans reading this site, I'm also a stupid blogger who thinks he's a stand-up comedian. So let's make fun of the ads running behind home plate during today's Twins-Tigers game?

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What should you do when you have a bad economy? Why, of course, run ads promising a million dollar payout in the lottery, the form of gambling with the worst possible odds that's not-so-coincidentally run by the government.

But wait, there's more!

wow.det3.1888dynamic.jpg

Ahh, yes, here's an ad that should be run only at 3 a.m. on a crappy local station (e.g., ION Television). On the flip side, a bunch of Tigers fans probably have plenty of injuries after punching walls or throwing chairs with the way that game ended. They can get their injuries fixed just by calling 1-888-DYNAMIC!

wow.det2.greatthings.jpg

Or, I guess, Tigers fans could better themselves by going to Detroit Mercy. There, they will no doubt learn "Great Things!" I went to a Mercy grade school -- we even celebrated Mercy Day! -- so I'm down with Detroit Mercy, but not so much with that slogan. Geeze, at least go with, "Mercy, Mercy me!"

wow.det4.youpayschoolswin.jpg

Annnnnd we're back to the lottery. I see that in Michigan the ostensible goal of the lottery is to give money to schools. Here in Pennsylvania, the lottery "benefits older Pennsylvanians." Of course, we also have an anthropomorphic groundhog who plays for the Eagles that attempts to sell us scratch-off tickets. "Help the kiddies!" seems kind of quaint in comparison.

None of this, however, is as hilarious as the US Gold ad at Citi Field.


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11 Comments

It's funny, because I was just thinking I'd love to have a million dollars so I can go to college and figure out a way to eliminate congenital neck pain.

The folks that played the lottery in GA paid for my tuition.

Thanks degenerates!

Do you think people who win the lottery in MI put their kids in private schools because they just took a bunch of money away from the MI public school system?

The Lottery: Because there ain't no harm in a tax on stupidity.

Rob, that's really piling on. Piling on ION Television, that is. WHO MADE YOU KING OF NETWORK WORTHWHILEEENESS

dmac, you're the only dude in Philly who watches ION. Congrats.

I hope they have the suicide hotline up behind home plate tonight.

ION shows Family Feud like four times a night. Of course I watch ION.

Is that with Louie Anderson or with J. Peterman

J. Peterman, unfortunately.

What's so great about Family Feud is that if you don't win the Fast Money round, each team member gets ~$100 each.

This may be the most brutally honest Wikipedia entry ever.

It mostly broadcast shows that the established Philadelphia stations did not desire

Still does.

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