Papelbon Fined Again: Droopy Dog Refuses to Speed It Up

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Jonathan Papelbon has been fined once again for failing to keep Red Sox games at a medium pace. Fella has now slapped with an infraction between five or seven times for taking too long to deliver a pitch.

The exact amount of the combined fines is unknown but is believed to contain a whopping four zeroes. As opposed to the bleachers at Fenway Park, which contains hundreds of zeroes. Zing.

"What am I supposed to do it about, you know?" Papelbon said. "Ain't nothing I can do about it. I'll make an adjustment and move on. That's it. It's not going to affect my pitching. That's for sure."

Wait, so you're not going to do anything about it but you're going to make an adjustment? Well, which one is it? Either nothing, or something? My Lord, you speak not goodly or clearish.

But really, on a night when Pedro Martinez and Tim Lincecum dueled in a gem of a game that took two hours and ten minutes it's not surprising to know that an AL East pitcher is getting singled out for being a slowpoke. AL East games are not something to be enjoyed in a casual setting. They are massive morasses of molasses that demand your attention for up to five hours. They are a commitment, and Jonathan Papelbon is only part of the problem.


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