What's Up, Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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creampuffshirt.jpgA few weeks have passed since our last look at the Creampuffs. The season winds down and the creampuffery heats up. We can only hope none of these injuries are serious enough to keep our heroes from the hunting, fishing, and college football watching they've planned for to the offseason.

  • Cristian Guzman, Nationals: Guzman missed three games this week with bunions on this foot. Some might consider the Nationals a bunion on the foot of baseball, though they get to wear super fancy shoes to offset their pain. Others would say bunions are painful as hell and The Gooze is a real champ for only ducking out of three contests.

  • Carlos Pena, Rays: Carlos Pena will miss the rest of the season with two broken fingers, one shy of his True Outcomes. Too bad Carlos misses out on the chance to finish the season with more home runs than singles, that is just an awesome enough non-feat to piss off any number of crotchety traditionalists.

  • Matt Holliday, Cardinals: The finest deadline acquisition this year left Wednesday's game with a sore left knee. If you listen carefully in the Midwest, you can hear two sounds: one is the sound of Cardinals fans gathering their breath to boo every time Albert Pujols is walked for the duration of Holliday's downtime. The other is the sound of Mark DeRosa realizing he will be counted on to contribute while being semi-puffed himself.

  • Jarrod Washburn, Tigers: Washburn missed a start last weekend with a persistent case of "Dear God, what have we done? Can we send him back??? Damn you Zduriencikkkkkkkkkkk!" He recovered in time to make a middling start against the Royals last night. Consider it a flare up.

  • Tim Lincecum, Giants: Raped by 1000 wallabies making Dazed & Confused references.

  • Adam Jones, Orioles: Jones will miss the rest of the year with a severe ankle sprain. Adam Jones emerged as the lone bright spot for the OriLOLes this season, making his stupid/accidental injury that much tougher to take for Boog Powell's friends. Compared to our next guy, this is the definition of Creampuffery.

  • Chad Qualls, Snakes: This is nearly two weeks old but yeeszus God is it brutal. Full marks to Qualls for chilling on the ground with his wits about him after dislocating his damn kneecap. I'd have choked to death on my own tears before the trainer's shoe touched grass. Creampuff? Not so much.

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1 Comments

Jarrod Washburn doesn't actually pitch FOR the Tigers, I'm pretty sure he's been pitching against them for the last month and a half.

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