Doddering Memphis Newspaper Columnist, Save Baseball In Our World Seriesy Time Of Need

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Though the reasoning may be not be the exact same, I know there are some other people in the baseball loving populace for whom a Phillies/Yankees World Series is somewhat of a worst case scenario. And it's not the level of play that concerns me, it oughta be a tightly contested series with a dramatic game one matchup. Still, I was frightened, but not surprised, that in Rob's very first post celebrating his favorite team's newly minted pennant... he used the word "blogosphere." Ugh. This is going to be one obnoxious flame war.

The next ten days or so will so feature so many jamooks flapping their gums up and down the 1-95 corridor, the garlic hued spittle that accumulates on the pavement will flood it. I fully expect every Philly or Yankee fan I know, and all those that I don't, to turn into a live action Gashouse Gorilla at the mere suggestion of this series. "No, our (blunt instrument of culture/glorified carnival food/moronic clownish outfielder) is better than (opposing team fan)'s." I'm already sick of it.

But, I digress. Hey, those games start too late! Amirite? I never thought of it before, or heard anyone mention it before, but how are THE KIDS™ supposed to stay up and watch the whole game and become stand up citizens? Surely there's gotta be someone willing to take up the cause of our Nation's Pastime with a cuckoo plan that he's totally serious about. And as is usually the case with these things, it's an old timey columnist from a mid-to-small market newspaper. We love those guys! This time it's Frank Murtaugh* of the Memphis Flyer. He thinks we need a mandatory National Baseball Day in October. Socialism!!

Here's how the holiday would unfold: On the Wednesday that coincides with Game 1 of the World Series, the aforementioned schools and offices would close. Most importantly -- pay attention, Fox -- the game would start at 3 pm eastern time (noon on the west coast). Every child in the entire country with an interest in the game would be able to watch all nine innings, and before dinner. The television fat cats aiming to maximize ad revenue with prime time slots are missing a critical opportunity here: kids are a demographic, too. They -- and more often, their parents -- spend money. Maybe not on cars and beer, but certainly on video games, snacks, movies, and fast food. And when National Baseball Day is marketed the way it should be -- for the kids! -- smart-thinking sponsors will line up to be part of the outreach.

I can't believe he actually said "fat cats." But do you see, that people? He's using logic here. And there are two things you can't argue with: logic and your guts. American business, you're THROWING MONEY AWAY by not supporting a federally mandated day off for people to watch baseball on TV. Instead of working or going school.

Continue reading for even MORE logic, and see Murtaugh reveal a softer, more caring side to life behind his Communist Iron Baseball Curtain.

With colder, wetter weather a part of the mix, wouldn't daytime baseball make sense, simply for the brand of baseball we all want to see from the sport's two best teams? (Baseball hats designed with earmuffs are an abomination.)

Baseball isn't for everyone, and there will be no obligatory viewing on National Baseball Day. Take your kids to a park or movie. If you don't have kids, spend some bonus time with someone you love, maybe a special friend you need to catch up with. Or chill out and start some leisure reading you've been meaning to do. Just remember it was baseball that got you there.

How could we ever forget, Frank? BASEBALL IS A WISE AND JUST LEADER.

But in all seriousness, if kids aren't allowed to stay up to watch a World Series game it isn't baseball's fault and it isn't Fox's fault. It's our nation's fault for breeding a country of dorky overbearing parents who are hardliners when it comes to bedtime.

*Frank Murtaugh should be the name of all cranky old-timey columnists. It's too perfect.


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7 Comments

Right, because you've never used the word blogosphere before. When YOUR team wins a pennant, then YOU can feel free to use whatever ridiculous words you want.

ObFlaWa!

He doesn't actually care about "The Kids". He's just angry that these games don't finish before his own bedtime.

"fat cats"? Pshaw, I used the term "kerfuffle" in conversation this morning. Now that, my friends, is a quality old-timey word.

this is why I'm glad there wasn't a Red Sox/Yankees LCS.

They -- and more often, their parents -- spend money

Francis, that's precisely why advertisers go after their parents. Do kids buy cars? Groceries? TVs? And where do they get the money for their video games and extreme snacks? Grrrrrrrr.

Is Saturday morning still prime time for kids? Why not just have a World Series game then?

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