Hard-Hitting Baseball Coverage in Your Favorite Dying Medium

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ridiculousworldseriesnewspapercovers.jpg

It's World Series time, so that means it's time for your local rags to pander to both rabid fans AND your dopey Aunt Dolores who wouldn't know a pop fly from a Pop Tart. Hey, the newspaper business is a creaking old dinosaur but don't think it can't get wild, maaannn.

First, the New York Post decided it would be hilarious to Photoshop Shane Victorino in a skirt. I'm all for talking trash to one's opponent, but to do something like that is simply embarrassing to all parties involved. At the very least, the ad wizards could have put the Hawaiian native in a grass skirt with a hilarious coconut bra. For shame, New York Post.

Then, the Philly Daily News does an entire cover story on how attractive the Phillies are, while the Yankees are mostly a homely bunch, save for the charming Derek Jeter and handsome (?) Alex Rodriguez. Hot stuff, amirite, ladies? Yecch. Pandering to women and gentlemen of alternative lifestyles in this manner is simply inexcusable. They then proceed to list their favorites on the team:

Charlie Manuel: The Silver Fox. With his Southern accent and cool nature, Manuel is the distinguished lady's choice. Harriette Gubel, 95, a Phillies fan now living in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., loves watching him blow bubbles with his gum. Not only does she keep a photo of Manuel by her bedside and one in her purse, she got to meet the manager in August. "He has a way with him," she said. Age: 65; height: 6 feet 4.

Things I learned from that horrid puff piece: Uncle Cholly leads the league in getting nonagenarians' bloomers all a-flutter, and some folks enjoy being treated like idiots. What a shame for real female fans with actual enjoyment of the actual game.

(via the 700 Level and The Sports Hernia)


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23 Comments

Does this mean you disapprove of the "Mrs. Sizemore" shirt I sleep in?

"Who is the sexiest Phillie?"

The Philly Phanatic has the furry votes wrapped up.

What's the matter? A little Philly break your heart?

The worst part about that New York Post thing is that it's not even creative. If that's the best they can do, then perhaps it's time to quit.

You can learn more from watching this .gif for 5 minutes than reading that horseshit article
http://5.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_krymsi2zno1qzzvv4o1_400.gif

No homo but Green Man is packing heat.

That NY Post article was an affront to intelligent people everywhere. I can't imagine a single person in New York reading that, nodding along, believing they were getting an insightful and useful look at Philly, baseball, or anything in between.

Scratch that, I can imagine ALL New Yorkers thinking that, the bunch of rude, arrogant mouth-breathers that they are. GO EAT A HOT DOG, LADY LIBERTY.

Whatever, njpaNick. You must not have read this quote from todays NY Post, "The Yankees are going to make Philly cream cheese out of them," a confident Tommy Bayoikos, 44, predicted yesterday in Midtown.

BEN FRANKLIN WAS A QUAKER!

Cheesesteaks are SO better than the Statue of Liberty. Can you eat the statue? I didn't think so.

Things I learned:
Uncle Cholly is bean flicking material for old ladies

"This series will be over in a New York Minute," said Harry Handjob, 38, of Fishkill.

"They'll try to take a bite out of this apple, but they won't like the taste," said Gerry Generic, 63, of Mineola.

"The old saying goes 'I Love NY,' but I don't think the Phillies will love New York! Because we will win. We will win the baseball game," said Pat Pleasegofuckyourself, 55, of Weehawken.

"There won't be any brotherly love when the Yankees come to Philly" said Jerry Jamook, 49, of Darby.

Hey, Pat's my cugine. Didn't know he moved to Weehawken. Hey Pat, tell your mother I said hello, okay?

"We're gonna twist 'em up, just like our delicious Philly Soft Pretzel," added Kevin Krappants, 12, of Mount Laurel.

"The Yanks are gonna get their bell rung, just like the sons of liberty rang the infamous bell which now bears the crack in it. The Liberty Bell, of course," chirped Lucille Licksack, 78, of Norristown.

"You mean they're still playing baseball?!" said Samual Snobnose, 47, of Purchase.

"The Yankees facking suck cack" said Tommy, 22, of Quincy, MA

"We're gonna Mummers Strut on the Yankees corpses," danced Dave Di Dorenzo, 45, of Pennsport. "Like how the Mummers do the Mummers Strut. We're going to do that to the Yankees."

"NEW York, more like OLD York. Amiright?" said some schmuck from some dumpy philly suburb

"We're gonna come at the Phillies from all sides, similar to our many bridges, tunnels, trains, and ferries which provide relative ease of transport to and from this great city of ours," remarked Yuri Youshouldgohangyourself, 33, of Harlem.

'the south will rise again' - Bubba Smith 42, Cordele, GA

"All of 'em can go to hell. I hate you all!" said Billy Besidehimself, 35, of Cleveland.

“Death to infidels” Mohammed Bin Mohammed 19, DC Area

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