Pity the Pumpkin Carving Mets Fan in October

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Hey, did you hear? The two biggest rivals of any decent, God-fearing Mets fans have made it to the World Series! Yes, no matter which team between the AL champion Yankees or NL champion Phillies come out on top, the poor saps that have chosen the darker fork in the road and root for the Mets will be a bunch of sad tomatoes.

Or more aptly, they'll be a bunch of sad pumpkin-carvers. After all, the entire Mets fanbase turns into pumpkins every October, amirite? The good people at MLB.com have once again posted pumpkin-carving stencils for each of the 30 MLB teams, including our favorite target of infinite sadness, the Mets. And if you have $10 just lying around, just throw your money away and buy the awful stencils at Target.

But really, if their fans really want to accurately portray their team of choice in jack-o-lantern form, though, they'll have it missing a pop-up, losing millions of dollars in a pyramid scheme, and then they'll jam a huge knife into the face.

This reminds me, I still have to throw out my rotting Arizona Diamondbacks pumpkin from last year. It stinks like Eric Byrnes' underpants.

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The Mets pumpkin will smash itself on 10/30.

The Royals pumpkin is thrown through your front window by Yuniesky Betancourt.

The Astros pumpkin will be offered a three-year contract by Ed Wade the day after Halloween, regardless of its age and condition.

The Twins stecil won't fit on your pumpkin until after midnight.

The Indians traded away their best two pumpkins and now are stuck with those lame mini-gourds and a bag of stale candy corn.

The Reds pumpkin will be left out way too long and will start to fall apart long before anyone does something about it.

The Pirates pumpkin will not smell like pumpkin, but will reek of failure.

The Braves pumpkin will be the most consistently good-looking pumpkin in the entire patch every year. But come October, it will turn rancid and fall apart. Except one year.

The Angels pumpkin gets hung up between field rows, on routine fly balls to right.

Billy Beane picks out the ugliest pumpkin in the patch and carves a beautiful pumpkin, only to have it get stomped on right before the judging deadline

The Cubs pumpkin was supposed to be the best of the patch, but it was carved with a $30 million grapefruit knife.

While people fall all over themselves praising their organically grown pumpkin; they don't really want to admit how much better tasting and looking the Gen-mod pumpkins really were.

The Yankees always have pretty good pumpkins, but they rarely grow any on their own and then wind up having to overpay for them.

The Phillies grow their pumpkins the identical way, only on a smaller scale as the situation dictates. They'd do it the same if they had.


and then wind up having to overpay for them

cough cough Raul Ibanez cough

The Expos pumpkin is still somewhere in a field in Canada slowly rotting away until no memory remains

Yeah, yeah, Ibanez, Feliz, Eaton. I get it. My comment above was a 4chan-style bait, and it worked. NOOBS

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