Oh, hi there. Welcome to what could be the end of the line for my beloved Red Sox. If they get swept right out today, they deserve it. They've scored a measly one run in the series so far and Saints Lester and Beckett didn't turn in the incredible starts the team needed. If they do come back and take the series it'll be quite the dickpunch to Angel fans everywhere, and it'll all start here. In either case, we gotta get through today. So let's do it together, after the jump, in about 15 minutes. Also, I'll rant about Cardinal fans and clue you in to the ridiculous new cocktail I invented for today. See you then.
12:07: It's a lovely Autumn day here in Boston. I know this because I have the windows open in my apartment. Let the talented Adam Kilgore tell us what's been going on at the park while TBS was finishing up a showing of Ace Ventura.
12:09: Since the packy doesn't open until noon on Sunday, I'm beerless. Not a good way to face an elimination game. So I'm drinking a concoction of Valerian Tea (a natural sedative that smells like feet), Jim Beam and some fresh local cider. It actually tastes good. I hav ea feeling it's gonna make me kinda loopy. I christened it the Autumn Contin.
12:12: Before the game gets started here I'd just like to say Good Riddance to the St. Louis Cardinals. Nothing against the team, but that phony baloney standing ovation for Matt Holliday yesterday was stomach turning. It reeked of the fans doing what the media said they were going to do just to live up to some cornpone identity they've crafted out there in the last couple of decades. Screw 'em.
12:13: Chone Figgins leads things off.
12:14: One thing I wish I'd written in my playoff preview was that I will absolutely not be surprised if Clay Buchholz turns in the best Red Sox start of the series. He pitched so well down the stretch, but too often it was against mediocre teams named after birds. Was hard to tell how good he's actually throwing, but don't be shocked if he shows up as the real deal today. Figgins flies out.
12:17: Single for Abreu just flies past Buccholz's glove. Gonna need a nickname for Buchholz so I don't have to type his full name all day.
12:19: Abreu, the secretest base stealing threat in baseball, draws an errant throw to first and takes second base. Error goes to Bucko but Youkilis should snagged it... wait. They reversed it. See. People listen to me.
12:20: Hunter flies out to center, two down. Fans of good guys everywhere are saddened. I wish there was a way to search the internet for every adjective applied to Torii this season. It would be textual prozac.
12:21: Buck Martinez can't stop commenting on how well Buchholz has his emotions under control. This makes me think Martinez is either unstable himself or hid all the lithium in the Sox clubhouse.
12:23: I just want to make people aware that if they're watching the pregame football show on CBS instead of this playoff game, they're no longer welcome on WoW. Also, those people need to bring me some beer and some chips and dip.
12:25: Vlad grounds out to Pedroia to end the inning. He and I have the same birthday. I bet he's one of those guys that makes you do shit for him weeks prior to and after because it's his "Birthday Month." I hate those people.
12:27: I saw Built To Spill at the relatively small Middle East in Cambridge last night. They dominated. No videos yet, but here's one from last week in Madison.
12:28: Scott Kazmir! Angels secret weapon to make the series? I bet Scott Kazmir thinks so.
12:32: It's a little strange to have Don Orsillo, the Sox regular announcer, doing the playoff games. I love Orsillo, but it takes away a bit of the "big game" feeling. Is TBS really trying to save on travel expenses? Martinez flies out. 1-2-3 inning.
12:33: Christ, I hate this Blackberry commerical. HOW DID THAT PHONE HELP YOU BREAKDANCE? URBAN YOUTH, YOU ARE A TARGET MARKET.
12:34: Hey, John Cusack in 2012! Is it time for his bi-decade appearance in a blockbuster already? Must be time to upgrade the hi-fi in his pad.
12:36: John Farrell comes up in a discussion of Buchholz' development as Morales grounds out. No pitching coach in memory comes up as much in conversation as John Farrell. Whether it's been the trials of Dice-K, the emergence of Lester, or the failed Penny/Smoltz experiments Farrell gets almost as much face time and gets critiqued almost as much as Tito Francona.
12:38: Single up the middle for Rivera. BLAME FARRELL.
12:40: Izturis strikes out, but Rivera takes second. He had nary a stolen base all season. He's a late bloomer. Didn't make out with a woman until kissing his wife to celebrate the birth of their first son. Two down.
12:42: Mike Napoli. Is that red sauce or white sauce country?
12:45: A pitch bounces off the knob of Napoli's bat. Another blind and stupid ump, this one named Cooper, makes a bad call giving him first base on a HBP. Remember when we read that book about umps and said how they don't get enough credit. That was a bad call by us. Two on, two out.
12:47: "The Angels have all the tools you'd want, just not power like the Red Sox." That's probably a tool I'd want, Buck. Glad to see your emotions are in check though.
12:48: Nice play all around as Pedroia makes a play on a ball that got passed a diving Youkilis and Buchholz hustled over to first. Lots of moving parts on that one. End of inning. My Autumn Contin is gone. I feel all warm and fuzzy but don't especially feel like brewing more tea. Looks like we'll just be having the Beam from here on out.
12:52: Bobby Abreu could swing at every pitch he sees for the rest of his life, and will still always be known for seeing a lot of pitches. Youk strikes out looking on a high strike. I would not want to piss off Youk with the way the team is hitting right now. I wouldn't want to interview him, I wouldn't want to pass him on the street, I'm kinda scared just living this close to Fenway. I certainly wouldn't want to call a strike on something he thinks is a ball. Truly scary dude.
12:56: Bay fouls a ball, knocking off Cooper's ump mask. He looks like Thumb Guy. Bay walks. Brings up Ortiz.
12:58: Thumb Guy:
12:59: Ortiz flies out. "Jason Bay is good at stealing." He should run for office. ZING RHAMES! I'LL BE HERE ALL GAME.
1:00: My contact in the Press Box says that the first inning E1 was indeed changed to E3 because of this glog. If there's anything else you guys want done, email me and I'll see what I can to.
1:02: Wow. People in the Monster Seats just gave a long string of filthy looks to the roving TBS camera. That was awesome. In St. Louis they would have baked him a pie with a note that said "Love, The Best Fans In Baseball."
1:04: Hey! Hendu showed up to throw the first pitch. Then he pointed at the Angels dugout and did the spin jump from his home run off Donnie Moore in 1986. Donnie Moore is gonna be livid when he sees that!
1:06: After Figgins grounds out, Abreu hits a gapper that looked sure to fall in, but Ellsbury made spectacular catch with full extension. That made me clap and go "Woo!" I'm a lonely, lonely man.
1:12: FSSJD Drew flies out to the warning track in left to start the bottom of the 3rd. I BLAME ANGELS PITCHING COACH MIKE BUTCHER.
1:14: Kazmir walks Alex Gonzalez. Alex Gonzalez walks about as often as Ron Kovic. 1 on as the Red Sox go back to the top of the order. Single for Ellsbury. THE RED SOX HAVE A GUY IN SECOND BASE. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE.
1:17: Pedroia cranks a double off of the left field wall. Gonzalez scores and Ellsbury flies around from first to score easily. Hooray for hits with RISP. 2-0, Red Sox
1:20: After swinging wildly on two fastballs, Victor Martinez takes a pitch than lines a ball off the left field wall. 3-0, Sox. Youkilis lines out to center.
1:21: Stil an extreeeeemely long way to go, but here's a picture of me relaxing a little. At least they're starting to hit.
1:23: End of inning. I forgot what happened because that stupid Blackberry commercial just came on and made me see red. It should be "Blackberry: Do What You Love" then show a guy sitting on the train mindlessly playing Breakout on his phone instead of reading or listening to music on his way to a stifling home life where all he does is talk about work anyway.
1:26: Buck Martinez remarking on the novelty of the Monster Seats and how "fans can sit up there now." Yes, now and FOR THE PAST SIX YEARS. Hey, look it's John Farrell. Who's he?
1:28: Kendry Morales absolutely crushes a solo ding dong into the seats in left. Meh, it won't break my back.
1:29: I just watched that Dave Henderson video again. That guy should have a Blackberry.
1:31: Rivera flies out. Kendry Morales was in jail 3 times? He should run for office! ZING CROSBY IS ZINGING IN THE RAIN. Izturis pops out. 3 outs.
1:34: Ortiz flies out to left. From Sussman's Twitter: "Hmm. Sox-Angels or Lions-Steelers. Do I watch a team on the verge of elimination ... or baseball?"
1:36: Lowell drills one off the left field wall. Might have been a double if he had his Hoveround, but as it is, just a single.
1:38: TATER TOT. 2 run bomb to dead center for Florida State Seminole JD Drew, marking the only time this week something positive has been associated with FSU athletics. <3 U JD. 5-1, Sox.
1:41: Two outs were made after the funny bone to end the inning but I didn't see them. Whoops. Should I buy this?
1:45: Red Sauce Napoli shoots a grounder past third and it takes a weird bounce on the carom. He takes second. FoWoW Jason Bay looked like a Keystone Cop on that one.
1:49: Beautiful fastball from Buchholz to strike out Aybar. Apropos of this 5-1 score, the difference between the Red Sox at home and on the road is kind of maddening.
1:52: Buckminster Buchholz statues Figgins on a looping breaking ball for his second K of the inning. Abreu is up. People from Philly often tell me these are the kind of situations that made them hate Bobby Abreu. "People from Philly" = Meech.
1:55: Abreu flies out to center to end the inning. Here is a video of The Ultimate Warrior on Regis and Kathy Lee.
I like when Kathy Lee says, "Oh thank you, Ultimate!" like it's his first name.
1:59: Pedroia hits a boundergrounder up the middle, Aybar makes a nice play to put him out at first.
2:01: Martinez flies out to left. If Youk doesn't get a hit here I think he's gonna punch somebody. He doesn't. End of inning.
2:04: Scott Bakula has taken a quantum leap into plastic surgery.
2:05: Torii Hunter doubles on an 0-2 fastball. Bay fumbled the ball picking it up allowing Hunter to get in easily. He probably did it on purpose since Torii is so nice. You know he's wicked nice, right?
2:08: BALKHHOLZ. Hunter takes third.
2:09: Lowell smothers the ball and Torii can't make up his mind on whether or not to try and score. 1st and third with 0 outs. Let's see if BUCHHOLZ KEEPS HIS COMPOSURE AND DOESN'T FREAK OUT AND START SHAKING, CRYING OR SPONTANEOUSLY BLEEDING. IT'S ALL ABOUT DISTRACTIONS. Buck Martinez is weird.
2:12: 3-0 count on Morales now... 4 pitch walk to load the bases. This thing Dice-Ked pretty quickly, didn't it? Oh well. He looked good up until this point. Josh Bard is coming in from the pen. DMac fixed that tank top for me:
2:16: Bard vs. Juan Rivera becomes one of the pivotal at bats of the season. Light vs. shadow is being discussed in the booth. Not many people know that Buck Martinez is also a sculptor. He works mostly in marble and does lots of nudes with cartoonishly large gentialia.
2:18: Beeeeeeeeautiful double play turn by Pedroia at second. To step back into fan mode, it's hugely gratifying to watch the young reliever bail out the young starter. That was good stuff. Bard gets the flyout, and that's the inning.
2:21 Here's a video of Yokozuna on Regis and Kathy Lee
2:24: Bay flies out and Ortiz grounds into the shift. Kazmir has finally settled down and the Sox' half innings are kinda flying by all of a sudden. 2 down.
2:25: Am I missing anything interesting in the NFL?
2:26: Lowell walks bringing up FSSJDD. He grounds out, to end the inning. DMac, anyway I can get a picture of JD wearing the Garfield Noles tank top? Thanks in advance.
2:31: Bard gets Red Sauce on a nasty slider. The weather looks so nice at the park that it makes me want this game to end soon so I can take a bike ride. BRING IT HOME, BARD. PAPA NEEDS SOME FRESH AIR.
2:35: Aybar grounded out and now Figgins is down 0-2 and I don't have a music video for the 7th inning stretch yet, eeeeep!
2:38: Bard strikes out Figgins. He rules. George Jones, Tennessee Whiskey:
2:41: I've had some fun with Buck Martinez today because I'm cynical and making fun of color guys is an easy way to get laughs. But he's really not THAT bad and wow... what a head of hair. Anyone with a sliver mop like that deserves my respect. Good on ya, Buck.
2:43: Gonzalez grounds out to third. Ellsbury comes up. This discussion of Fuentes not being cut out to close at the moment despite leading the majors in saves has some dark comedy to it. The Angels after all were the team that brought us K-Rod's agonizing march to history. Man that was obnoxious.
2:47: Pedroia walks, and talk is turning to the Sox history of coming back from down 2-0. I'm not so superstitious as to avoid talking about it now, but post-game is when you'll really get to take the pulse of the teams and see how nervous the Angels are/confident the Sox are. In any case we're guaranteed John Lackey making one horrible start in this series. Looking forward to it.
2:50: Dmac. Genius, or Defining Genius Of Our Time:
2:54: Pedroia made an out of some sort. Billy Wagner is in. Bard looked fantastic. I'm getting kind of hungry. Let's get this done, Billy.
2:56: Weird play. Abreu's ball bounces off Youkilis into the stands for a ground rule double. That's the kind of weird portentious play. That gives you a lousy feeling for the inning. A terrible strike call against Smilin' Torii gives us... THE SCOSCIA FACE!
2:58: Wagner gets Hunter looking and gets up 0-2 on Vlad with the first two pitches.
3:01: Vlad has battled back to a full count... and fouls one off. CMON WAGNER.. GO FOR DER RING! /not an anti-semite
3:02: Guererro walks, Morales grounds out moving the runners over. That's gonna bring in Papelbon. Here's a video of Regis interviewing Roddy Piper in the early 80s.
3:08: Fantastic. Papelbon gives up a single to Rivera. Two runs score. 5-4, Sox. Brb, need more Beam.
3:11: So Papelbon almost picks pinch runner Reggie Willits off of first, then two pitches later actually DOE pick him off to end the inning. Thanks for showing up, Reggie. That's a heartbreaker. On to bottom 8.
3:13: Buddy Jepsen?
3:!6: Nice recovery by Aybar to throw out a completely homicidal Kevin Youkilis after initially muffing the ball. According to Buck, the Sox haven't had a hit since Drew's ding dong in the 4th. So they're back to not being able to hit a damned thing. Thank goodness for capitalizing on abberations.
3:19: Bay strikes out. "Good old country hardball." Ugh.
3:21: Ortiz singles up the middle and I'm so hungry, I could write about In N Out. OLD SCHOOL WoW REFERENCE.
3:22: Gathright was pinch running for Ortiz and stole second even with the pitch out. Lowell goes the other way to drive him in. 6-4, Sox.
3:25: That's gonna chase Buddy Jepsen. Here's an incredible photo gallery from the official website of former Bushwacker Luke Williams featuring a photo of him and "Regis Philman."
3:28: FSSJD flies out to end the inni... I HATE YOU BLACKBERRY
3:31: Okay, Top 9. Time for a rollercoaster inning from Papelbon, most likely.
3:33: Martinez makes a nice play on a pop up behind home plate, saving some moronic yahdood from being a Steve Bartman. PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR HOODIE POCKETS YOU IDIOT CHOWDERHEAD.
3:38: Aybar singles with two strikes to further delay me from having a sandwich. This sucks.
3:38: And takes second on DI.
3:40: Papelbon battles back to a full count. RED SOX FANS, HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE TH... oh.
3:41: Papelbon walks Figgins and the combination of my nerves and my hunger are making me want to put the computer through my TV. SAVE ME REGIS. I CAN"T TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK.
3:45: Abreu drives in the run. Unbelievable. I am so mad. This sucks. 6-5 Red Sox.
7-6, Angels. GLOG OVER FOR NOW