The other day I whined about this Phillies/Yankees matchup and about how I wasn't really rooting for either team. Well tonight, I'm excited because I do have a rooting interest. I'm amped to watch Pedro Martinez face this Yankees squad. I'm more invested in this game than any World Series game since 2007. Seeing him lead the Phillies squad into Yankee Stadium is like watching David Byrne do Life During Wartime at one of his solo shows, or Bob Pollard doing Back To The Lake with the Boston Spaceships. He's older, and his backing band is different, but it's Pedro facing the Yanks in the postseason and it's as close as you'll get to the old days.
So join me below for tonight's glog. It's a special Live Collaboglog, because our intern Darren (above right) further delays his search for an actual job and provides live photoshopping all night.
P.S. While we're talking about music, why the hell does Jay-Z tuck his jeans into his Tims? That looks stupid. See you at 7:57.
7:52: I had a friend that dated John Legend at Yale. I saw a picture of them going to some sorority function. He was a dork. When the series goes back to PA they need to have Pissed Jeans perform before the game. Our own Drew Fairservice wrote that fine review I just linked.
7:53: Here are your lineups for tonight. Notable for Jerry Hairston Jr. starting in place of Nick Swisher. Despite any preconceived notions you may have Harry Connick Jr. and Ed Begley Jr. are actually against this. They like Swisher.
7:56: I'm cheating on High Life tonight. I bought a 12 pack of Busch. I bet Tim McCarver blows his nose in his pocket square.
7:59: I'm predicting 6 strong innings of two run ball tonight from Pedro, 29 "Who's Your Daddy" chants and 42 shots of Don Zimmer getting his fuzzy head DDT'd into the Fenway grass. Burnett could go either way. DID YOU KNOW HE HAS CONTROL PROBLEMS?
8:02: AJ Burnett throws a first pitch strike to Jimmy Rollins and I almost fall out of my chair when no one mentions him "throwing first pitch strikes" as a key to the game. Rollins flies out.
8:04: The Annoyin' Hawaiian K's. No Questions Asked. 2 down. Darren chimes in with his first picture of the night. Pedro squeezing juice out of Don Zimmer's Grapefruit head.
8:06: Utley flies out to end the inning and Motorola wants to know what it would be like if my whole social life "came to me." Well, it would probably be a lot like me bringing home a 12 pack of Busch and watching baseball.
8:10: Jeter is up and the Yankees start chanting Who's Y....zzzzzzzzzzzz. How do these people not get lost every time they leave their house for a game?
8:13: Pedro "blows by" Jeter with an 88 MPH slow heater. McCarver attributes it to Pedro's long fingers. That never helped me in baseball. Only relationships. 1 down.
8:15: Pedro strikes out Damon and looks pretty good through two batters. He was always a finesse pitcher, and the bottom of that changeup is dropping out enough to be deceptive as anything Lee threw last night, or anything Pedro threw in his heyday.
8:16: Teixeira flies out to end the inning. PEDRO! BOMBA YE!
8:20: That's 15 consecutive scoreless postseason innings for Pedro if I'm not mistaken. Buck smartly comments on a lack of reaction from the Yankee fans to Pedro in that first inning. That was as unexpected as Joe Buck saying something insightful. I'm double floored.
8:22: Ryan Howard strikes out on a swing that looked like someone was tickling his armpits. 1 down.
8:22: Joe Buck just called Burnett "Beckett." Jerk.
8:25: Werth grounds out to Rodriguez bringing up 71 year old Raul Ibanez, who is definitely on on steroids. Ruben Amaro Jr. is mentioned. Drinking rule: drink each time you hear the word "junior" tonight.
8:28: Ground rule double CUE SHOT for Ibanez. I am bowled over that the umpire did not make an incorrect call there. Shocking.
8:29: "Matt Stairs is a funny guy. Born in New Brunswick, Canada. Loves the fastball." Welcome to free association theatre with Tim McCarver. Stairs laces one past A-Rod who definitely should have nabbed it. 1-0 Phillies. Cat Stairs > Cat Shirt.
8:31: Burnett K's Pedro Feliz to end the inning, but by going down a run the Yankees aren't executing their "Tools Of The Game" as outlined by Fox and Home Depot earlier tonight. This is an actual screencap.
8:35: Here comes Pedro!! This is not an actual screencap.
8:36: The repeated comments about Pedro quieting the Yankees crowd is reminiscent of Stu Nahan's work in Rocky IV.
8:38: Pedro absolutely freezes A-Rod. More talk of long fingers. Pedro Es La Croupier! 1 down.
8:40: Matsui single.
8:41: If Pedro throws another 88 MPH fastball I'm gonna start worrying about Libyans. Zimmer talked bad about Pedro's mama? Did he call her a snowblower? 80s movie overload.
8:44: Diving catch by Grampy Ibanez makes a huge catch on a ball that would have easily gotten to the wall. Cano is now 0-13 in his career against Pedro. Everyone drink, here's Jerry Hairston Jr.
8:47: Full count to JUNIOR... Werth makes the grab to end the inning. End of 2. Hey remember this guy? I miss surfing YouTube for ridiculous shit all day.
8:51: One pitch out to lead of the third for Carlos Ruiz. Darren just dug up this sweet Jerry Hairston Jr. card. I think it's his rookie.
8:54: Burnett walks Rollins. Will he be referred to as "havoc on the basepaths" or "trouble on the basepaths?"
8:56: Of all the legacies that the diaspora of former Marlins will leave behind it is their reign of terrible necklaces that will be remembered most. J'Accuse, AJ Burnett. J'Ac. Cuse.
8:59: Not only that but the tattoo on his left arm looks like ringworm. This the longest I've ever watched an at bat get to a 1-2 count.
9:01: Victorino, have I mentioned he annoys me, sends a swinging bunt back to the pitcher with Rollins running. Shut up about football, Joe Buck.
9:04: After falling behind Utley, Burnettbeckett IBBs Chutley, to bring up Ryan Howard. Two home runs in a series opener will get you respect, son. He should probably start thinking about tucking his jeans into his construction boots.
9:06: "At 9:04 Eastern, the crowd showed up," says Joe Buck. Is there some sort of populist undertone I'm sensing in Buck's needling of the New York crowd? Because if so, he's an idiot and a phony.. Howard strikes out to end the inning. Grandpa gets off the airplane thanks to Wal-Mart. I Head For The Mountains for another can of Busch.
9:11: Melky gets good wood, albeit at the end of the bat and flies out to center. 1 down. Lots of talks about Pedro's mom tonight. Pics or GTFO.
9:16: McCarver says Phillies/Yankees is a Mets fan's nightmare. I say waking up everyday as a fucking Met fan is a nightmare in itself. WE HATE YOU METS FANS. NEVER FORGET THAT. Jeter strikes out. He sucks.
9:18: Damon flies out, and that's 17 consecutive scoreless postseason innings for Senor Martinez. He is his own Daddy.
9:21: Who's excited for the Joe Girardi and Charlie Manuel interviews? Those things are even more useless than interviewing Joe Paterno at halftime. "Hey Charlie, how do you feel about Pedro tonight?" "We're happy."
9:27: While the blog froze on me, Jose Molina made an incredible snap throw to first to pick off Jayson Werth who had singled. Ibanez struck out and Cat Stairs flew out. A lot can happen when your dashboard screws up. THEREIN IS THE LESSON YOUNG WARRIORS.
9:31: Teixeira ties it up because he's a prick. 1-1 game.
9:33: Ken Rosenthal alert! There's no Jr. in his name but drink anyway, because that man aint never gonna be a full grown adult! It's like that creepy Martin Short movie "Clifford" A-Rod flew out prior to that.
9:34: Matsui walks, then Cano flies out. He's now 0-15 career against Pedro. Brings up
9:38: Pedro collects his 5th K from a bewildered Jerry Hairston Jr to end the inning. I know most of you don't live in MA so you're not subject to a random election brought on by the death of Ted Kennedy. But we are. And for the record, Steve Pagliuca seems like a real dink. Quit pandering with commercials during games, you stooge.
9:42: Pedro Feliz just did something that led to an out while I was getting a drink. Tim McCarver is all about "funny guys" tonight. Well here's a joke for you: Davy Lopes looks like Billy Joel if Billy Joel worked in a coal mine. Ruiz hits a double.
9:45: Ever wondered what the "Top Ten Baseball Teams" guy has been up to lately? I give you "Top Ten Hippie Bands."
10:18: Burneyy Ks Ibanez. He's throwing so many curveballs he oughta be your bitchy girlfriend. Holy smokes, another K on another curve. Cat Stairs is too old and fat for pro sports. 2 down.
9:48: Burnett Ks Rollins. Victorino flies out. End of inning. We got ourselves a game here, hey kids?
9:53: Melky made an out then Molina did. Let's see if Jeter gets poaned again.
9:54: He does not get poaned. He gets a double.
9:56: It always sounds like that guy is telling Howie Long he has "cock hair." I'd hope so, he's a grown man.
9:57: Speaking of commercials, don't forget to TAKE MORGAN FREEMAN SERIOUSLY as he portrays historical legend and human rights hero Nelson Mandela... right after you hear him narrate this Visa commercial.
10:00: Two time Gold Glove Award Winner Mark Teixeira.. makes a routine unassisted putout at first. Thanks for the context, Buck. 1 down.
10:01: Does it mean anything that we've seen 4 really great starting pitching performances in two games in this series from 4 guys that weren't with their respective teams last year? Yes it does. It means that both teams have great front offices that make smart moves, and that gets you to the World Series.
10:05: And when I say "smart moves" for the Yankees that means spending Eleventy Billion dollars on two pitchers... but still. That will also get you to the series. And even if they spent a ton on Burnett they got more out of him this season, and especially tonight, then I thought they would at the time of the signing.
10:08: The daddy chants pick up as Pedro adjusts masterfully and sends Tex packing with a K. That at bat may sum up any sort of renaissance Pedro has experienced this postseason and may experience going forward. I want Boston to resign him. I've never been good at saying goodbye for good.
10:14: Missed a bunch as the blog froze again. Matsui hits a really tough pitch for a home run to right. I wouldn't call that pitch a mistake. That ball was at his toes. Shit. 2-1 Yankees. Pedro gives up 2 through 6... which was my prediction for his line. CTC IS A WITCH.
10:21: Burnett is throwing so many curveballs he oughta be your black taco. 2 Ks and a groundout rub that inning out. Seventh Inning Stretch. I give you, Little Teeth.
10:29: Junior! Gets a single... double drink! I've just been informed that my friend dated John Legend at UPenn, not Yale. Hit and run sends pinch runner Brett Garndner to thrid on a Melky single. TAKE PEDRO OUT I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE. TAKE HIM OUT. I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE.
10:36: So Chan Ho Park comes in for Pedro and I can't figure out who he reminds me of but it's bugging me. The Home Depot Tool To The Game is that he doesn't let these inherited runners score.
10:39: Posada gets a pinch hit RBI and the Yankees are up 3-1.
10:41: McCarver just rides a rollercoaster of emotions in the booth. Blows Jeter, is BETRAYED by Jeter, must turn his back on Jeter. That is some biblical shit there, kids.
10:45: Strange play as Howard catches? the ball on a hop then doubles up Posada... UMPIRE CONTROVERSY. Fox will now switch to commercial since MLB execs probably have a literal gun pointed at the producer's head.
This is me:
10:50: In comes Mariano Rivera, one of my favorite baseball players. There is no sarcasm in that sentence. Hate the Yankees, but I love watching this dude. As an aside, there is something bizarre about the sheer number of blown umpire calls in this postseason. It's proportionally improbable. What have there been 20 games, and 10 grievous errors? Or are there always that many but only now is everyone watching? I am now officially the VERY LAST blogger to comment on post season umpiring. Because I never blog. I suck. Ruiz grounds out.
10:56: Rollins walked a few minutes ago then there is a No Questions Asked Single. Haha. Joe Buck just made a point of talking about Johnny Damons weak arm. Here is another video from the Top 10 kid. It's called "Mayonnaise vs. Mustard"
11"02: Utley grounds into the DP and McCarver is justifiably stupified about Cholly not sending the runners on the 3-2 count. Mark Teixeira makes a face that makes me want to hit him. It ends in the inning and squashes what could very well be the last chance the Phillies had at this game. You can't prevent a double play but you can damn well mitigate the contributing factors. If I know and Tim McCarver know it... the manager damn well oughta know it. Asleep at the wheel, Old Man.
11:05: The missed call isn't a huge error here and.. Madson hits Teixeira in the knee... MADSON YOU IDIOT WHY DIDNT YOU THROW IT HARDER SOMEWHERE IT WOULD HAVE HURT MORE?
11:08: A-Rod Ks... but I have good news no matter who you root for, WoWies. Remember when one of our made commenters, Phillas, got laid off? That was almost a year ago, but he perservered and is now unlucky enough to be working again. Dude got a job! Congrats Phillas, we'll miss your afternoon commenting.
11:11 Madson strikes out that Asian guy, but Melky gets a single.
11"15: Madson strikes out that other guy. I'm dying for a Black & MIld. End it here, Mariano!
11:24: Rivera leads off the 9th with two Ks and I'm trying to find my lighter. Black and Milds are smoother than a can of Busch. Double for Ibanez... bringing up the Funny Fastball Loving Canadian, Cat Stairs.
11:26: Game over. Nice outing by Burnett. Good game all around. 1-1 Series. Till tomorrow, WoWies. I hate Mark Teixeira.