Tonight's Questions

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Hey kids, you can't beat what you can't see

  • WHICH version of 52-year-old Pedro Martinez will show up at the Stadium tonight? The one who had a 5.65 ERA against the Yankees in 2003 or the one who had a 6.23 ERA against the Yankees in 2004?

  • DOES Don Zimmer buy into Pedro's recounting of the famed 2003 incident where the elderly Zimmer got thrown to the ground by a cowardly Dominican? I don't think so.

  • WHO'S Pedro's daddy? The answer, of course, is Kris Liakos, who will be bringing back the old school HTML liveglog to Walkoff Walk tonight, with Photoshop assist from WoW intern Darren.

You heard me correctly, WoWies. Be back here at 7:57PM prompt for the liveglog goodness from my life partner Liakos. Same WoW channel.

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WILL Kris be rockin' the cat shirt tonight?

HOW will I know to attend if there's no e-mail invitation? Kris, send out an e-vite. They're cute!

HOW Many times will Fox show the Pedro/Zim skirmish?

drink each time they do.

Drink every time the crowd chants "who's your daddy?"

/drunk by the 3rd inning

Have a good time, kids, I'll be at the Robert Earl Kean show.

WILL you be watching Mastodon on Fallon tonight?

Nope, I'm not sitting through Fallon, even for Mastodon.

Nah, I won't watch Fallon either. That and I SAW MASTODON OVER THE WEEKEND, but that's another story...

I'm going to again a week from today.

Oh cool. The tour they're on is nothing short of spectacular - Mastodon and Dethklok were absolutely amazing.

HAVE Matt and Ed heard Baroness yet? They'll be pleasantly surprised when they do.

I'll be on a confounded aeroplane, so please glog tall and glog proud in my absence.

WILL my gym have the local pregame on the televisors tonight? Or will it be reruns of Earl and Jeopardy again? I go to LA Fitness, which Rob says is for queers, so probably not.

I just listened to some Drew, good call. This is good stuff.

LA Fitness? You get much action in the steam room?

"LA Fitness" means "The Fitness" in spanish

Forgive me, one and all, for having the temerity to live and function in the suburbs. I do awful, unspeakable things like shop at Target and drink Bud Light and eat jarred pasta sauce. If I could find a gym that was old and tattered and had peeling paint and was run by Gerry Cooney's daughter, I would go there. And maybe at that old, musty haunt I could meet a trainer named Hack, who could be missing a thumb and half a pointer finger, but could make up for it with his briny personality. And Hack wouldn't like me at first, but then maybe come around, once I showed my moxy by gettin up after they had knocked me down.

But until then, until Hack and Virginia Cooney come a-knockin', I'll go to LA fitness and climb on that fey elliptical machine so I can sweat off the 20-or-so pounds that I need to sweat off. And I'll pay my $30 a month, like all the other faceless members of my milquetoast hamlet, and I'll make the inane small talk that exists only in our sapless corner of the world.

Then I'll come back here, to a group of strangers, none of whom are like me in any way whatsoever, and I'll make dumb jokes about baseball, and coo at baby costumes, and exchange recipes, and call it a fucking day.

/turns off Battle Hymn of the Republic

I've found our 7th inning stretch video. This was on Leitch's Tumblr today:

njpanick, I thought you were pre-med.

I go to a gym like yours. We have a daycare, hair salon and a little cafe*. They also have raquet ball and basket ball courts and two classrooms for classes. I go there for the tredmill and weight machines.

*I have never been in any of these places

Good news Yankee fans (me, Rob and J), Swisher is not starting tonight. Bad news, Hairston is. Also more bad news Yankee fans, Molina once again starts

Nick, I am a member of 24 Hour Fitness. Howeva, I once joined my friend and his brother (brother is a bodybuilder) to a run-down Gold's Gym in ghetto-ass Concord. It was the greatest gym excursion I have ever been on.

Guys were walking around the parking lot doing walking lunges with barbells on their backs. The entire gym smelled like steroids (I have never done steroids, but have injected my friends who were scared of needles - they have a distinctly medicinal smell). Meatheads were wearing jeans and sweatshirts and lugz as they dead-lifted 500 pounds. Best part? I saw two guys flexing at their own reflections in the mirror, who took umbrage with each other. One guy said "Pose-down!" and they faced off as they slapped their own thighs to help accentuate the quads.

I am not making any of this up.

Fartie that is a great story. And with that I'm off.

All the old fogeys are pissed that they didn't get Steve & Eydie to sing "New York, New York."

That was awesome. We got to see a guy rhyme everywhere and anywhere like 5 times.

Eric Karros looks like Michael J Fox circa Spin City with that hair cut.

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