An Incomplete List of Things I Cannot Deal With Today

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Because my brain is not functioning in a way that allows me to formulate thoughts and transform them into sentences and paragraphs, I will take a cue from The Big Lead and squirt out a listicle for you to peruse and enjoy. Here within I present An Incomplete List of Things I Cannot Deal With Today:

  • Questions regarding whether Chase Utley should win the MVP if the Phillies lose.

  • Trying to predict Andy Pettitte's performance based purely on past results. What are we, sabermetricians or sabermagicians? Amirite?

  • Hand-wringing, teeth-gnashing, garment-rending, and general incontinence.

  • First guessing, second guessing, third guessing, and advance told-you-so's

  • Talking about the weather, the Stadium design, and other things the players cannot affect

  • People asking me if I'm excited to go to the game tonight. No, I'm only going so I can take another picture with a Yahoo! blogger.

  • Predicting the outcome of the game based on what happened in nineteen dickety two.

  • Assumptions that the outcome of a parochial gubernatorial race somehow is evidence that a nation is dissatisfied with their elected leader.

  • Breathing.

  • The idea that an entire Stadium full of thirtysomething white males is somehow the father of a 57-year-old Dominican.

  • Nick Swisher

  • The idea that, for whatever reason, my otherwise friendly relationship with many Phillies fans may suffer for a while.

  • Curses, taboos, voodoo magick, and the assorted dark arts.

  • Not getting credit for calling the Pirates the next big thing.

  • Thinking it was a good idea to wear long underwear to work in advance of sitting outside in 30 degree weather for four hours tonight.

  • The thought that baseball will soon be temporarily gone from my life.

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18 Comments

that's a huge fucking list that i didn't even have the brain power to get all the way through

good for you!

Peter Gabriel isn't on here?

Nope, J. Rumor has it Iracane will be found in front of the South Bronx Applebees holding one of those Bud Light Speakerboxes over his head blasting "In Your Eyes" from the time he gets out of work 'til the time the gates open.

"I gave the Yankees my heart; they gave me an old Yankee Stadium commemorative pen. I also gave them $29.95."

Baseball will soon be temporarily gone, but there's always kick boxing. Kick boxing. Sport of the future.

I'm sick of all the lame curse talk in baseball, as though the universe actually cares about your team. Everyone knows that the only real curse that ever happened in baseball is the one that Placido Polanco's mysterious gypsy neighbor put on him when he kept stealing all of her peanuts, and she cursed him by turning his head into the very object of his kleptomania. It's weird that she did that, but she definitely did.

Rob will focus all his brainpower toward that moment when he's faced with the ULTIMATE DECISION: "Hi, and welcome to Bronx Applebee's. Can I get you started with an appetizer or something to drink?"

Rob will focus all his brainpower toward that moment when he's faced with the ULTIMATE DECISION: "Hi, and welcome to Bronx Applebee's. Can I get you started with an appetizer or something to drink?"

GODDAMMIT

So you're saying Guy Clark will be Rob's server tonight?

Picture is the same face Iracane was making when he had the squirts a coupla days back.
Be nice to your tummy today, Rob!

so I can take another picture with a Yahoo! blogger.

Andy Behrens called and said his flight was delayed, so he won't be there. You might want to stay home.

I'll get you picture of Skeets, I'll probably see him in the breadline later today.

/Canacommied

Cheers: Applebee's Fire Pit Bacon Burger

Jeers: Forgetting the chipotle dressing! Rob has come to expect more out of you, Yolanda.

My problem for the day: Go to a screening of "The Hurt Locker", or blow it off, stay home, drink and watch the ballgame.

•Thinking it was a good idea to wear long underwear to work in advance of sitting outside in 30 degree weather for four hours tonight

You know you can change that right?

@matt

He can't change it if that was ALL that he wore to work today.

I will take a cue from The Big Lead

No where on this listicle was there any rumor mongering or unrelated pictures of actress for no reason other than HOT CHIX BRO

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