Bat Attack Roundup: Friday November 13, 2009

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Boy it's sure been a long time since we did a Bat Attack Roundup. Since these things were instituted in the hopes of keeping our readers safe, I guess that means we just don't care about you that much any more. I kid!

But, what better time to bring it back than Free For All Friday? To recap, these are recent crimes committed by people wielding baseball bats. Dozens of these occur each week, but I leave out the ones where people die or are in critical condition. As always information leading to the arrest of Dark Llord Graeme Lloyd will be rewarded. And awaaaaaaaay we gooooo!

  • A Terre Haute, IN man described as a "habitual traffic offender" (do they make a patch for that?) breaks into a woman's home then takes a few cuts at The Fuzz before trying to flee the scene on a bicycle. At least he's not breaking traffic laws anymore!

  • In Thurston County, WA an afternoon friendly was disrupted when a bunch of dudes with baseball bats chased another dude across the pitch. Hey, you're not supposed to use your hands! According to the article: "A deputy with gang expertise is investigating whether the beating might have been gang-related." YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO USE EVERY DROP OF THAT EXPERTISE ON THIS ONE, BARNEY FIFE.

  • In England, some poor chap was just taking a stroll when a couple of lads sidled up to him in broad daylight and hit him in the stomach with a bat. I didn't even know they had bats over there. They took nary a schilling from him and he seems to be doing okay. But the best part of the story is that the ne'er do wells approached him with one man on a motorcycle and the other in a Ford Fiesta!

  • And finally, in Gloucester, VA a man got a Halloween surprise when he opened his door for some trick treaters... and was promptly maced and pulled sharply down the left field line. The man, Nathan "Family" Matter struggled with the attacker, who was dressed as Michael Myers, but they got away. The next day, police identified and arrested the perpetrator. It was his ex girlfriend, Angela Hart, who he had broken up with just a week before. Here's the essential video, in which Nate is covering his busted melon with a Yankees cap. Been a rollercoaster couple of weeks for this guy.

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I'd like to talk about a different kind of bat attack.

Limeys love tiny cars, for this reason.

I can honestly say that's the first bat attack story I've ever seen in

Mace in your face
Not an eight track
Gettin it good to the wood
So the people give you some of dat
Reactin to the fact


That WA gang is trying to form their own splinter group.

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