The Walkoff Walk 2009 Thievin' Creampuff Awards

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I understand the following is sort of arbitrary and doesn't mean that much. OR DOES IT????

I took the top 50 position player salaries for 2009 and then I divided them by games played. It's one thing to get injured alot. It's an entirely nother thing to be a dole ridin' Puff who sits at home eating bon bons while your brothers take on the Diamondbacks.

Follow me after the jump as we single out 2009's Paper Tiger.

Here's the top 50 by their 2009 salary and games played.

Alex Rodriguez$33000000124266129
Manny Ramirez$23854494104229370
Derek Jeter $21600000153141176
Mark Teixeira$20625000156132211
Carlos Beltran$1924368381237576
Carlos Lee$19000000160118750
Magglio Ordonez$18971596131144821
Torii Hunter$18000000119151260
Ichiro Suzuki$18000000146123287
Alfonso Soriano$17000000117145299
Aramis Ramirez$1690000082206097
Todd Helton$16600000151109933
Ryan Howard$1500000016093750
Vladimir Guerrero$15000000100150000
Miguel Tejada$1481141515893743
Lance Berkman$14500000136106617
Albert Pujols$1442732716090170
Miguel Cabrera$1438304916089894
J.D. Drew$14000000137102189
Matt Holliday$1350000015686538
Adrian Beltre$13400000111120720
Derrek Lee$13250000141 93971
Jorge Posada$13100000111118018
Michael Young$1305452713596700
David Ortiz$1300000015086666
Jim Thome$13000000124104838
Hideki Matsui$1300000014291549
Johnny Damon$1300000014390909
Mike Lowell $12500000119105042
Kosuke Fukudome$1250000014685616
Troy Glaus $1213700014866928
Paul Konerko$1200000015278947
Carlos Delgado$1200000026461538
Jose Guillen$1200000081148148
Eric Byrnes $1166666784138888
Scott Rolen $1162500012890820
Justin Morneau$11600000 13585925
Travis Hafner$1150000094122340
Eric Chavez$1150000081437500
Jermaine Dye$1150000014181560
Chase Utley$1128571415672344
Joe Mauer$1050000013876086
Gary Matthews$10400000103100970
Chipper Jones$1000000014369930
Carlos Guillen$1000000081123456
Juan Pierre$1000000014568965
Mike Cameron $1000000014967114
Aaron Rowand$960000014466666
Julio Lugo$925000088105113

Then I rearranged the Google Docs so that I was looking at Dollars Per Game. It looks like this:

Eric Chavez $11500000 81437500
Troy Glaus $12137000 14 866928
Carlos Delgado $12000000 26 461538
Alex Rodriguez $33000000 124 266129
Carlos Beltran $19243683 81 237576
Manny Ramirez $23854494 104 229370
Aramis Ramirez $16900000 82 206097
Torii Hunter $18000000 119 151260
Vladimir Guerrero $15000000 100 150000
Jose Guillen $12000000 81 148148
Alfonso Soriano $17000000 117 145299
Magglio Ordonez $18971596 131 144821
Derek Jeter $21600000 153 141176
Eric Byrnes $11666667 84 138888
Mark Teixeira $20625000 156 132211
Carlos Guillen $10000000 81 123456
Ichiro Suzuki $18000000 146 123287
Travis Hafner $11500000 94 122340
Adrian Beltre $13400000 111 120720
Carlos Lee $19000000 160 118750
Jorge Posada $13100000 111 118018
Todd Helton $16600000 151 109933
Lance Berkman $14500000 136 106617
Julio Lugo $9250000 88 105113
Mike Lowell $12500000 119 105042
Jim Thome $13000000 124104838
J.D. Drew $14000000 137 102189
Gary Matthews $10400000 103 100970
Michael Young $13054527 135 96700
Derrek Lee $13250000 141 93971
Ryan Howard$15000000 160 93750
Miguel Tejada $14811415 158 93743
Hideki Matsui $13000000 142 91549
Johnny Damon $13000000 143 90909
Scott Rolen $11625000 128 90820
Albert Pujols $14427327 160 90170
Miguel Cabrera $14383049 160 89894
David Ortiz $13000000 150 86666
Matt Holliday $13500000 156 86538
Justin Morneau $11600000 135 85925
Kosuke Fukudome $12500000 146 85616
Jermaine Dye $11500000 141 81560
Paul Konerko $12000000 152 78947
Joe Mauer $10500000 138 76086
Chase Utley $11285714 156 72344
Chipper Jones $10000000 143 69930
Juan Pierre $10000000 145 68965
Mike Cameron $10000000 149 67114
Aaron Rowand $9600000 144 66666

1. This is a really good way to visualize how much money A-Rod makes and how much the Yankees pay in general, but I digress.

1a. That's actually 51 names, but I had to include Lugo.


B. "Who's the Thievin' Creampuff, you bastard?"

I'm glad you asked. By sheer numbers it should be Chavez, but that dude is a fossil. Gas comes out of his pores. No one expected him to do anything this year, and frankly I'm shocked he appeared in 8 games. Did he just walk across the infield in a white Polyphonic Spree robe with talcum on his face?

That dude doesn't count.

When I was at Cardinals camp in March (which feels like ten years ago) I watched Glaus in the cage. I watched him horsing around in the locker room, and I listened to him tell ME that he was "feeling pretty good, but he was going to take it day by day."

Well that's a novel idea. But you didn't play much at all. And you make too much. And you're a huge creampuff.


P.S. If you wonder why the Cubs did so bad, look at that list.

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Only thing Glaus took day by day was a dump. And wiped his ass with Franklins.

Rocco Baldelli got paid about $5000 per game, plus a bonus vial of Drew's tears on a biweekly basis.

Oh what a data dump by Catshirt!


Now do GM salary vs. games won.

Also, to hell with Troy Glaus and his lying mouth.


This should be renamed the honorable Carl Pavano Annual Creampuff Award.

Prior to his rejuvenated 2009 campaign, I'd have agreed with you. Now it just looks like Pavano stole money from the Yankees, which I wholeheartedly endorse.

Also, any player who participated in more than 150 games should be removed from this list. That's pretty much the line of Creampuff demarcation.

Next, measure the amount of money each team paid its players for walkoff hits. Andre Ethier will be through the roof.

Well, if this award can't be named after Carl Pavano, then I nominate Mike Hampton to be the namesake.

Where is Xavier Nady on this list?

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