Bat Attack Roundup: December 4, 2009

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The holidays are a time for mirth, reunion and, if you're lucky, the sharing of bounty. And if you're not lucky it's a time for getting rapped in the head with the ol' hickory stick. It's still too early to tell if the following assailants really have what it takes for a long career in crime or if their high HEBIP (Heads Bashed In Play) is just an abberation. Again, the following incidents are all non-critical and non-fatal, so laugh it up and forward these on to Gramma!

  • It's easy to see how the relationship between a lawyer and client could get contentious. And when it's a criminal case, the expectation for violence could also be somewhat... expected. But you'd think it's the client taking a few rips at his counsel, right? Well it's opposite day in Charleston, WV where a lawyer chased a client off his porch and rained blows upon him with a bat"

    (victim, David Lee) Gump, who spoke with the Gazette at his house prior to his arrest on Thursday, said he didn't break in to (lawyer Joshua) Robinson's house. He said he was knocking on the door and standing on Robinson's porch, trying to confront him about a $1,100 check that he said belongs to him.

    "All the sudden he comes busting out of the house with no shirt on and a baseball bat," Gump said. "I knocked on the door and he comes out just like a madman."

    Wow! Former law school classmates say that Robinson had the same intensity when looking at bank statements or telling people at the bar that he was in law school. Feel the madness, all you weasly aspiring attorneys!

  • Wait did I say all these attacks were non-fatal? I meant non-fatal... UNLESS YOU'RE A PEACOCK. A woman in Makaha, HI is on trial (!!) for ripping the NBC logo to the power alley because "the piercing cries of peacocks, which roam free in the area, deprived her of sleep and drove her to take desperate measures." Her lawyer is arguing that animal cruelty laws don't apply to peacocks. Logical.

  • How fired up were Michael Jackson fans about the passing of their hero earlier this year? They're bat attacking paparazzi for filing defamation lawsuits against Jackson's ex "wife." Oh, well that makes perfect sense.

    The photographer, Ed Frommer, says one of the men began "pushing me with a bat through my window," while the other men told him to "stay away from Debbie." No word on whether any of the suspects are named Tito, Blanket or Captain Eo.

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These posts are another example of why this thing deserves multiple BLOG PULITZERS.

That video is like a peaceful zen koan for 16 seconds and then BAM. It makes me happy.

The editing conjures up the final scene in "The Blair Witch Project".

It's the suspense that gets you!

Sox Sign Scutaro, Stop Serious Shortstop Shortcomings?

Talk about the Aaron Miles and Jake Fox acquisition for Oakland. It's hot shit.

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